REMIND ME, why am I doing this?

[octobermoon]

I feel SO frustrated right now, that and just defeated, confused and ready to throw in the towel!
First off and mainly at night DS who is 6 mos old will not sleep very well at all without me in the bed with him. I'd really like it if I had some time to myself in the evenings but when I put him down to sleep and sneak away he wakes up crying in less than an hour. This has been going on for months now and seems to be worsening. I have to go in to soothe him 3-4 times before I finally just give up and go to bed myself! He will not go to sleep for DH either. As well, during his day naps I notice he sleeps a lot longer if I nap with him, I get about 2 hours versus 1 when I do this. He definitely nurses to sleep and I am trying to take the nipple out before he falls all the way to sleep and pat him but that doesn't work he wants the nipple! He has never been one to take the paci either. What's worse is IRL I have ZERO support for co-sleeping. Not only do we have NO support but we have a gang of naysayers, hecklers and just annoying comments what feels like ALL. THE. TIME! I'm ready to scream at them, constantly I hear things like, "you'll have to let him CIO eventually", or, "you're spoiling him and will never get him out of your bed now", "he's going to be a brat", "he's going to be dependent on you", "you guys (DH&I) really need your time together", "you need a break"," he'll be in your bed till he's twelve", or "good luck with that"! etc and on and on and on......... All of these comments and I am really starting to doubt this co-sleeping thing myself. I mean it seems as if all of the crib sleeping babes are happy, healthy and secure and all the people with crib sleepers are happy, healthy and fine. It seems like they STTN. I feel like the weirdo on the block and I hate it.
I worry I have created a bad habit.
I really believed in co-sleeping but I'm worn down. Please encourage. Are there some good books about co-sleeping or AP out there for me to encourage myself?
I love my son and want what's best for him. I do enjoy co-sleeping for the most part but I need a break sometimes.

[sgeiger]

My son is just like this, only 1.5 months further along. I put him down at 8:30 and i'm up there by 9:30 (so I've just made his first waking my bedtime). It was working for a while for us (I surrendered) and I truly enjoyed cuddling with him, being close, and plain nurturing him through the night. However, he's 23 pounds now, a big boy yes, and it is not working anymore. Partially because I do feel like my marriage is suffering (we'd like a little time alone in the evenings) and because he has just started to nurse for 1-2 hour stretches twice each night! I could handle the 5 minute sessions who knows how often since I wasn't watching the clock and stayed mostly asleep but the marathon nursing keeps me awake since I'm no longer able to be comfortable enough to sleep while I nurse since he's so big (he doesn't fit in the little cocoon my thighs and arms made for him anymore!).

I guess I am just saying that I hear you, and I'm with you, getting a lot of negative feedback from friends and family and up until now I had no problem defending my life since I was ok with it, but now I'm losing faith, since I no longer feel rested, and have a 2.5 yr old to have patience for during the day. I am considering just saying no to the night nursing except for twice, but is that confusing? or mean? I'd cuddle all he wants of course. Will be following this thread for some help... let me know if something works for you!

[momma_bear]

Yup, me too. Same situation. Baby is 9.5 months old and sleeps in bed with us during the nights. Hard to get her into the crib for naps and evenings and if she does go, she only sleeps for 30-45mins before up again. It's driving us insane. She's started waking more at nights again too (even though she's next to me - argh!) I especially and desperately miss my evenings though. Right now I'm sitting in bed next to her with the laptop and DH is downstairs working and I miss him sooo much I don't want to sit here all evening but I don't know what to do. I simply cannot get her into the crib no matter how deep a sleep she's in. I\ve read books, tried different techniques, and nothing helps. I cried my eyes out this afternoon and just feel like running away lol. I know cry-it-out would probably fix it, but I really really don't want to resort to that. We tried it a little bit out of sheer desperation and DD started screaming and crying hysterically so we quickly gave up on that. It just seems so cruel I can't bring myself to go through with it.

Anyway, sorry - no suggestions from me, only the support of knowing there's another in your shoes. I'll be watching your thread to see if anyone has some good suggestions....

Oh - editing just to say...don't worry about those comments from other people...our eldest DD who is 4.5yrsold co-slept with us as a baby & toddler and yet she sleeps really well now in her own bed (since age 2) and goes to sleep all by herself no problems. Everyone comments she's well behaved so I don't think it spoiled her either. When we bought her a bed we made it a big exciting thing and she helped pick out sheets etc and we told her no more Mommy/Daddy bed once she has a big girl bed and no problem! She wakes occasionally scared of the dark but that's normal and not frequent anyway.

[Louisep]

I really think a poor sleeper is a poor sleeper and co-sleeping has nothing to do with it. I turned to cosleeping BECAUSE DS was a bad sleeper and it gave me the most rest - didn't make a jot of difference to him, but I felt more rested in the morning.

Rule number one of cosleeping - don't tell anyone! Or at least, don't tell them your LO has problems sleeping. I learned this too late but eventually took great delight in telling white lies

My LO started doing stretches by himself (before I went to bed) eventually, and also eventually started allowing DH to comfort him at the early wakings. How we did the latter was for both of us to put DS to bed at night and then both go in at the first waking. This way DS got used to DH being the one to attend to him. Eventually, DH was able to go in on his own for the first waking. The only thing that helped the sleep stretches in the night was time.

My advice is really to manage your sleep deprivation. If you are a SAHM, nap with your LO and see if you can arrange with your partner or dh to give you lie ins in the mornings. It's amazing what a little bit of sleep will do for the spirit. If you WOH, try and catch up on sleep at the weekends.

The going to bed early thing is frustrating. I took my iphone to bed and had me time by surfing the internet and reading books on Kindle.

The time passes really quickly.

[OkiMom]

My youngest is 18 months old and still like that. She will go down and be up again within an hour looking for me. If she rolls away from me at night she will wake up trying to find me. It drives me BATTY sometimes.. But my oldest was the same way. Shes now little over 3 years old and sleeps in her own bed in her own room all night (between 8-11 hours depending on the night). She has no problems going to sleep by herself (well, if you call by herself me reading to her, she likes to know mom and dad are nearby) and sleeps well. Soo, I know it does pass.. eventually.

[red and lulu]

No words of advice, just commiseration.

Dd is 9 mo, we co-sleep... or rather we co-rest, as neither one of us is sleeping much. I'm at the end of my rope. I'm beyond tired. I wake up angry. I have so much going on and I can't deal. This is not why I wanted to co-sleep-- it's hard to see the benefits of co-sleeping when she's tired and cranky all the time and I'm practically homicidal. And I keep hearing stories from other people saying how they stopped co-sleeping and suddenly their baby sleeps 11 hrs straight at night and takes two two hour naps everyday. So then I think, well maybe dd is telling me that co-sleeping isn't for her by going to bed at 10:30 and waking up every hour or less until 6 when, yawning and rubbing her eyes she decides it's time to start the day. and in those small windows where she is sleeping, she's doing so sideways or with her feet in my ribs and me smushed against a wall. I won't CIO, I can't. Though sometimes she starts to cry, just b/c she's so tired, or b/c the cat won't come close enough, and I just sit there for a minute, feeling totally defeated and frustrated. And I think, maybe she should sleep in a crib. But I can't put her in a crib or even on our bed after she's fallen asleep. She has to be in arms, in carrier, or on the boob. Put her down, she wakes up. Remove the boob, she wakes up. Take a deep breath, she wakes up. It feels impossible. I feel like I'm failing her by not creating a healthy sleep environment. I feel like I'm failing her by being such an angry, frazzled mother.

I too am just so worn down and out (and my darling girl, too) that im questioning my choices. HUGS mama, you're not alone.

[mckennasmomma]

Good books: Dr Sears The Sleep Book and Sleepless in America. And any AP-encouraging "discipline" book (such as Unconditional Parenting and Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves) will tell you that a close and loving relationship with your child begins with co-sleeping and responsive parenting.

I don't think your son has a sleep problem at all. It sounds very normal to me. I know it is hard when you feel that you don't have any "time to yourself", but remembering that your physical presence is so important to him, and that if he is telling you that what he really wants is to have the reassurance that he is not alone, then that is what he needs. I'm not suggesting martyrdom here. But I know that every time I remember how beautiful it is to be developing this wonderful, close, trusting relationship with my daughter, it becomes no big deal to "have" to put her back to sleep before I join her in bed for the night.

Remember: he is a very very young baby still! Stick to your guns about no CIO and it will pay off in the long run.

[Rico'sAlice]

My DS was the same. It did get better over time. Also, making sure to get outside in the fresh air for a good amount of time in the evening would really help with the length of time I could sneak away from the bed in the evenings. Like going from 20-40 min to 2-3hours. Also, spending that time outdoors meant he wasn't nursing nursing that 30-60min and worked up more of an appetite, so he would drink a nice big long meal, getting lots of hindmilk, when we first laid down to bed. Vs. when I bummed around on the couch holding him all evening he would just nurse off and on the whole time so that when we went up to bed he would only be having a short little session and then fall asleep, but wake up wanting more every 20 min, only to nurse just 5min again. Over and over.

[octobermoon]

Originally Posted by mckennasmomma

Good books: Dr Sears The Sleep Book and Sleepless in America. And any AP-encouraging "discipline" book (such as Unconditional Parenting and Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves) will tell you that a close and loving relationship with your child begins with co-sleeping and responsive parenting.

I don't think your son has a sleep problem at all. It sounds very normal to me. I know it is hard when you feel that you don't have any "time to yourself", but remembering that your physical presence is so important to him, and that if he is telling you that what he really wants is to have the reassurance that he is not alone, then that is what he needs. I'm not suggesting martyrdom here. But I know that every time I remember how beautiful it is to be developing this wonderful, close, trusting relationship with my daughter, it becomes no big deal to "have" to put her back to sleep before I join her in bed for the night.

Remember: he is a very very young baby still! Stick to your guns about no CIO and it will pay off in the long run.

THANK YOU!! so reassuring!
things are better, atleast for now. i have had a couple of nights with a bit more time to just hang and do nothing! from reading posts here it does seem very normal. i did read some of my Dr. Sears book (baby book) and a couple of articles which helped reinforce what i am trying to do. i'm also going to look into the books you mentioned.