35+ and pregnant: Q and A for looky-loos -- need input

[ompath]

Hello pregnant ladies of "Advanced Maternal Age"!

* How are you feeling?
* Aren't you worried?
* Why did you do this?
Ohhhhhhhh.....

BLAH! That's why I've decided to start this thread...

I'm 40, and will be 41 in a week. I'm 7 weeks pregnant, and in about a week plan to post a "notes" post on my facebook page pre-emptively fielding the questions I don't really feel like answering over and over again throughout my pregnancy...

I am putting together a Q and A page... and am hoping we can help each other with informative, and clever responses. Pre-answering questions that may be "trying" for us to repeat over and over. To avoid becoming repetitive "Advanced Maternal Educators" to those who cannot throw their questions into google, or are full of fear...for us. Let's answer honestly for the hard-hitters, and try to quell the "concern" some have for us. I plan to give people a link to my own Q and A when they need consoling over my pregnancy.


I'm looking for your input:
*What kind of questions have you gotten?
*What kind of answers have you given?
*What links have you found particularly helpful to field these kinds of answers without re-inventing the wheel?

I'm not looking to offend my friends and readers, but educate. (And, perhaps put a few people in their places, rather than up in my business.)

So let's get going. What do YOU want to tell people about your pregnancy, at your ripe, old age

And, CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy!

Please start your reply with:
*Age:
*Due Date:

[ompath]

(I'm being a little cheeky here and may not totally answer like this, which is why I'm hoping we can help each other out here with appropriate responses...)

Age: 40 (41 on Earth Day)

Due Date: 12/01/10

Are you worried that you are too old?
No. That’s the reason I’m writing this post, in hopes I won’t be brought down by worriers who are not informed.

How do your older kids feel about this?
They are giddy. We are great parents and there are no worries.

But you are giving up your life, just when you are becoming "free"! Why would you want to do that?
We are not losing anything here. We are very happy and hope you will be, too.

I would never get pregnant at your age. Ever.
Good for you. ☺ Glad to hear. Now keep it to yourself.

How are you feeling?
Like any pregnant woman feels at particular stages. I actually weigh 40lb less than I did when I was 30 and pregnant, so I’m handling this pregnancy better and healthier.

How do you feel about talking about your pregnancy?
Like a pregnant woman of any age, I’ll be excited, worried, joyful… and that will come out in my posts. If you cannot stand “breeders”, please just drop me as a friend. I’m not going to dig that energy too well. I agree—too many ignorant people are breeding like feral cats, but we are “good stock”, and are confident we are doing something good for this planet in bringing another conscious, mindful person to this life.
In an intellectual and positive light, I’m all up for talking about the pregnancy, though I’ll likely start a blog. On Facebook, if people disappear from my life or comments because of (not agreeing with) this pregnancy, then there is no reason to have them “in my life”. FB is weird, and a filter in some way.

Are you going to have any old-lady testing done to see if your baby has any abnormalities (Amniocentesis, CVS)?
No. These tests detect issues that cannot be corrected (Down’s, for example), and the only reason to do these tests in my situation is if one wants to terminate the pregnancy. We would not. If we have a child with Down’s Syndrome, then what a wonderful blessing, in any case. People with down’s are some of the happiest, kind people I’ve ever met. And it’s unlikely, so not even up for conversation.

What about your anemia?
It’s a concern. My blood counts were up before pregnancy and I still get a lot of iron-rich food intake and supplements. I’m doing fine. As long as I am ever-mindful, there should be no problem. The baby will not be in any danger at any time; it gets what it needs.



That's all I've got, so far. What do you want to add?!

[briome]

YEs, I find it ridiculous the hyperness some people (and care providers) get when a woman gets a certain age (or had a previous c-section, is heavy, is short etc....any number of catagories that have people react less respectful without a real evidence based reason of high percentage)

Anyway. I am 35 and about to have my 3rd baby. I have low interventionalist care and rarely talk to anyone about it luckily! Some relatives ask what my 'doctor' said about how big the baby is now or such nonsense. I tell them my midwife does not make guesses like that.

http://icanwesternmd.blogspot.com/20...ernal-age.html

[ompath]

Thanks so much for the helpful link, Briome! Looking, now.
LOVE getting links where these subjects have been touched upon!

It's true. Please - if you've experienced discrimination of some kind, please comment on this thread, regardless of age!

I am going for a vbac, myself

[kosheng]

age: 39 and 351 days
due date: 7/23

really tired of the advanced maternal age crap. i am in a better place than i was 10+ years ago. i just delivered a 10 pounder naturally 2 years ago, and have no health issues~ nor does my dp~ to warrant any worries.

last monday i went in for a checkup. i was already switched to high risk because, of course, of ama. so i am currently condemned to visits every 3 weeks and consistently turning down invasive tests. at any rate, the doc asks the usual questions, and goes down his mental checklist while reading my file...

"...hmmm. weight gain, perfect. blood pressure, wonderful. baby sounds great. why are you here? oh, yeah. *insert eyeroll* you're old."

i soooooo miss my midwives.

[ecky]

i am 38 and 9 weeks pregnant with my second.
i was 35 turning 36 when i had my first...so "advanced maternal age" both times.
i didnt get much in the way of negative comments...
i've done most things later in life anyway so folks are used to it.
and i look much younger than i am so i think most people dont even know my actual age.

basically - the way i look at it...they had to draw a line somewhere and picked 35. i just happen to be older, but am in better shape than i ever was when i was younger - both physically and emotionally - and ready for a family.

on the plus side - if there were extra tests that i wanted to get they would be covered by insurance because of my age - when otherwise they might not be.
some might see that as a positive thing

congrats on your pregnancies and don't let the turkeys get you down!
people tend to say the stupidest things to pregnant ladies regardless of their age or situation. your bound to be offended by someone at sometime

[juliebird]

love this thread! I'm 40 now and will be 41 when I deliver. Due date is 11/13/10. It will be my fourth child.

I haven't run into too many people that have had the nerve to say anything to my face, but I imagine they are thinking it. I love the answers you've thought through, so many reflect my own positions.

oh, and...when I called the OB for an initial appt I told them that I was 40 and so "High risk" and the woman on the other end laughed and said, "Oh we don't consider that high risk anymore"

So fwiw, you wouldn't necessarily be high risk at all OBs offices)

[WaturMama]

Hi Ompath! I love this idea. I'm not pg yet this time, was pg before at the "advanced maternal age" of 37 and for a shorter time at 39. The only insensitive comments I got were from doctors. Another great reason to go with a midwife!

Another question I thought some people might have is: what are you going to do when your child is X years old and you are Y years old? answer: I guess I'll have to keep staying healthy.

I don't totally agree with you about testing. We also wouldn't terminate for Down's, but I think potential terminating isn't the only reason to test. I think it could be quite worthwhile to know something like that before the baby was born and do research while not in the newborn stage. I don't really know what we'd do about testing now. We only did the nuchal fold and ultrasound before. I think my answer to the question would be. We don't know yet what testing we'll do, but even though the odds get worse as we get older, we are still much more likely to have healthy babies than otherwise.

[ompath]

I can't say I've gotten negative responses as of yet, but I haven't told anyone.

I won't put up with other people's drama, so I started the thread in hopes to give my own self some "couth" when dealing with people who speak "randomly". I like my doc's office, other than the musty smell in the waiting room.

He said to me "Are you planning on anything like an amnio?"
We told him no and he said "Well, then you're good to go!"
I respect that.

I had an OB when we were trying to get pregnant who drew me an AMA fertility map (I should scan this) that resembled a play-by-play of a football game, with dips, and loops and Xs...
This new doc seems grounded in reality. He delivered my sister's daughter 17 years ago, and she was really happy with him.

I had an OB appt. at 6 weeks,1 day and had a U/S. Saw the heartbeat. I have my actual intake appt. on 4/22, my bd. So I'll learn more about how things are handled from there...

[ompath]

Originally Posted by WaturMama

I don't totally agree with you about testing. We also wouldn't terminate for Down's, but I think potential terminating isn't the only reason to test.

And I agree with this, as well. My answers are not completely formed. I want to approach this pregnancy with utmost belief that all will work out. Of course, if there are identifiers that indicate testing of some sorts would help us to prepare more fully for an outcome other than ideal, we would consider. But as a one-off response on a random early week such as this in my pregnancy... today I say no

[somegirl99]

I'm 38 and 24 weeks pregnant with my first.

Like ecky, I look much younger than I am so I haven't really gotten any comments yet.

My OB has been very supportive, recommended additional prenatal testing but hasn't been pushy about it.

[happythistle]

Thank you for this thread!

I'm 38 with my 2nd - was 34 the 1st time.

I also look pretty young so no comments although people assume that i'm a little high risk because of my age. it's actually due to the lovenox.

My MW assures me I am young - i love her!

My only fear is keeping up with 2 kids and not being utterly tired all the time. Also, getting my running body back is important for my self-esteem but am relaxed about it so far.

No additional tests - the ob has been really cool every time I shake my head no.

[violet_]

I'm 37 and am 24 weeks along. Thankfully, I haven't had a single comment like the ones you describe. My peers are mostly professionals, so having children later is common, and most people have no clue how old I am anyway. If anything, I'm the one who comments on being an "old pregnant lady," but people just take it as a joke, which is good, since that's how I intend it.

I can't really imagine how I'd reply to someone who suggested I was too old. I suspect it would not be polite.

[nolonger]

I was 42 when I had my UP/UC and it was the healthiest pregnancy of my life.

[virgo]

I'm 35 and pregnant with my first. I got the lecture from one doctor about additional testing because of my ama "condition" but have switched to a team of midwives and haven't had to hear the "over the hill" comments since. I look pretty young as well and haven't had to endure many comments but some close friends have asked if I'm worried about being able to lose the baby weight since I waited so long to get started. My mom is in her 50s and still jogs 5 miles a day so I can't imagine that it's impossible.

[aikigypsy]

I was 37 when I had DD and will be 40 when this one is due. I did have some additional testing (nuchal translucency for DD, and will have a "second level ultrasound" with this one), but no CVS or amnio. I like to know as much as possible about what's going on, and the trip to the city for the second level U/S gives me an excuse for a day out on my own. I might get to read a book on the bus! (Not a sound medical reason, I know, but I am looking forward to it).

Anyone I've known for more than a few years has known that I've wanted a baby for a very long time, and I'm in good shape physically, my husband is young, so no one has commented about age yet... except for one doctor in Ireland, who was a very old-school Catholic and scolded me for using birth control because, "you're going to be 39 soon!" I just rolled my eyes. It helps that there are a lot of other "older" mothers around here, too.

I think if anyone said anything I would point out that many younger women have trouble with pregancy, and that age is only one factor among many. Besides, we want another baby!

[jdlivingsb]

I'm 43 and pregnant with my 3rd child. I'm due on 9/16/10. My other two were born when I was 35/37. I guess I'm just used to this so it seems normal to me.

I feel great and haven't had any problems. I'm in better shape physically than I was with my other two children so that could be making the difference.

I opted for the CVS this time around because I wanted to prepare my other two children in the event there was a problem. I know they would have lots of questions.

I haven't gotten any negative comments from anyone, at least none that I'm aware of. My friends, family and coworkers are all very excited.

My OB is great. She has many women in her practice that are over 35. The only comment she made was she told me I was in great shape and I didn't need her....LOL!

I'm currently in the process of switching to a midwife as I really want a home birth this time around. DH was less than thrilled with idea with our other two but I'm slowly convincing him . We have our first meeting with them today.

[NicolleLynne]

Age: 39
Due Date: May 26th

Greetings My AMA Sisters,

Just wanted to say great thread. It's neat to hear so many positive stories from "older" mothers. I'm pregnant with my first. I did have two losses before conceiving this little one due to genetic abnormalities, so I opted for CVS testing this time around. It went fine and we're expecting a healthy, baby girl.

All the medical professionals I've dealt with during my pregnancy have been wonderful and my age is rarely if ever mentioned as a factor in the decision making process. My mother, who had my brother at 40, says she got a lot more remarks, both simply curious and sometimes rude. I guess the times, they are a changin'!

AMA Mamas Rock!

[Beltane]

I'm 35 and pregnant with my first and planning a home birth. I went straight to a midwife, so I didn't do much testing except for Downs and Spina Bifida (since my aunt has it). The only annoying question I have gotten so far is "Was it planned?" I find it a very rude question.

[corysmilk]

I 'll be 35 when this ones born. My DP is 11 years younger than me. So the age thing has come up. his mom, when we told her was like, "so I guess your scared of what people will say?" I was like" no not really."
thinking to myself what is she talking about? she says, "so how old are you?" LMAO, I couldn't belive it. I told her my age and then said,' the age thing doesn't come up for us anymore, we never even think about it"
but this is my last one, and his only one, hes an only child.

somedays well.... I do feel old I am so tired, sick blah.

We are not going to get an amnio. but will get the blood testing. and just the regular ultrasound at 19 to 20 weeks.

we are using a midwife, my first time with one, and plan on having a hospital birth, DP said NO to a homebirth
but I have to repect his wishes, after all its his baby too!!