How to deal with lying in almost 4yo?

[Katielady]

My 4yo has started lying a lot, which I know is a normal developmental stage. Little things, like I ask him if he washed his hands after using the bathroom, and he says yes, but I can tell he hasn't. The other day I called him on it, showed him that the stool wasn't next to the sink and the sink was dry, and explained to him that it's really important for him to tell me the truth so that I can trust him. I told him that in our family it's really important not to lie, and we talked about what a lie is etc. After all of that, I stressed again that he should not lie to me. He said, "Or else what?" I didn't really have an answer.

What's a natural consequence for lying about something like handwashing? I was thinking maybe I'd tell him that I couldn't trust him to tell me the truth about it, so for one whole day I will wash his hands myself (something I know he wouldn't like). Then I'll give him the opportunity to build up trust again. Does that make sense? I know it's just a small lie, but I really want him to get into the habit of telling me the truth when I ask him about something, even if he knows I won't like his answer.

[fyrwmn]

what i've done is to remind dd (4.5) that she needs to tell us the truth ALL the time because if she doesn't, we won't believe her when it comes to something big down the road that she is telling us the truth about. i think i'm going to borrow your idea of following thru with that line of thinking with the doing xyz for her for the day if she lies about it. hand washing is a big one in our house...along with flushing the potty for some reason.

[lolar2]

That's still an age where they truly believe that wishing makes it so, so they aren't technically lying-- they are probably convincing themselves that what they say is true, also.

[Just1More]

Yeup. If you can't be trusted, you must be watched.

I wouldn't just wash the hands or whatever for the day, I'd make them stay where I could see them all day. Because if they lied about that, how can I know they won't lie about something else? And I'd tell them so.

So, if I cannot trust you to tell me the truth, then you must be watched. We can try again tomorrow.

I, too, am extremely firm about lying.

(By, the way, I also use this when I can't trust them to behave somewhere or be nice to each other. If I can't trust you to play nicely while I make supper, then you'll have to play right here so I can see you. No fun for you, but that was your choice.)

[Just1More]

Oh, and I also wouldn't point out how you know he isn't telling the truth. That'll just help him be sneakier about it.

Next time, there will be water by the sink, and the stool in the correct spot...if your kid is anything like mine.