Financially strapped and want one more baby?

[Phoebe]

We are not flat broke but pretty dang close. We have 3 boys, dh has 3 jobs and I have a job I do from time to time at home for some extra cash. Dh is almost 42 and I'm almost 36. Just one itty bitty baby more?? They're practically free for the first year anyway. But yes, then they begin to eat. And they...never...stop...eating. I know.
Never wanted a girl until now.

I see 2 sides to this.
Anybody been here before?

Amy

[Peony]

I really go back and forth if we could afford another one. My children sure are expensive. : Our medical bills with insurance are insane, I have both genders so we have the clothes, it isn't the babies that worry me, but when they get older. We have 3 as well, that we can do and can afford, a 4th would be pushing the line....

[mommariffic]

I *personally* would not bring another baby into the world, unless I was financially prepared. An "oops or we are pregnant, lets make this work" is one thing, but having a baby that's going to put financially [and than emotional] strains on the family isn't worth it I think. Sure they are free, but that's only if breast feeding isn't an issue, if you have hand me downs, and there's no health problems that arise...

I'm pregnant now, but after this we are done. Unless we win the lottery

[SuzyLee]

Just to insert some reality into your dream.... If you have 3 boys, chances are pretty good you will have a boy for #4. (80% I think?).

[CherryBombMama]

we did the totally irresponsible thing of TTC and succeeding for DC#2 while Dh was out of work, while we were (are) living with the inlaws and while I am staying at home. But its completely working out! yes we are poor, but my goodness, we are happy

(and we are not relying on any financial assistance, other than reduced rent from the inlaws ...)

i have never been one to do things the "right" way. My motto is that it will work out!

[Phoebe]

Originally Posted by Peony

We have 3 as well, that we can do and can afford, a 4th would be pushing the line....

Did you think you could afford a third though??
Do you ever really feel like you can afford any baby before they are concieved and on their way? For us it's just always been "we'll figure it out".

[Phoebe]

Originally Posted by mommariffic

I *personally* would not bring another baby into the world, unless I was financially prepared. An "oops or we are pregnant, lets make this work" is one thing, but having a baby that's going to put financially [and than emotional] strains on the family isn't worth it I think. Sure they are free, but that's only if breast feeding isn't an issue, if you have hand me downs, and there's no health problems that arise...

I'm pregnant now, but after this we are done. Unless we win the lottery

Yup, that's the other side of my arguement!

[Phoebe]

i have never been one to do things the "right" way. My motto is that it will work out![/QUOTE]

ds 3 was an oops and then dh lost his job and started up a couple of businesses. I am also of the min that things will work out. We are very basic people with no grand lifestyle expectations.

[Phoebe]

Originally Posted by SuzyLee

Just to insert some reality into your dream.... If you have 3 boys, chances are pretty good you will have a boy for #4. (80% I think?).

Would still LOVE another boy!

[earthmama369]

I think it depends on your support system and your reasonable financial expectations for the future. We were pretty darn broke when both dd and ds were conceived. But we also knew that it was reasonable to expect our finances to turn around within the next few years and, in the meantime, we had a lot of emotional support via local family and friends that lessened strain of the financial stress on our relationship. And our finances did turn around -- we've been hit pretty hard by medical bills (which ironically would have been 100% taken care of by state health insurance if we were still broke), but dh finished school and has more than doubled his income in the last three years, and I've started earning some money on the side while homeschooling the kids, so it's working out. Having dd and ds when we did was a good choice in the overall scheme of our lives, even if we were broke at the time.

But if your dh is working three jobs and stretched to the breaking point (I'm assuming on his hours here), and there isn't a reasonable likelihood of that changing in the future, I would be hesitant. Financial stress and overwork can put a strain on a marriage and on his health and the possibility of illness or injury would be a consideration, too, depending on your health care coverage and the jobs he's doing. Desk job, not much risk of injury. Construction? Health care aide? There's a significant risk there.

[Phoebe]

Dh's 3 jobs luckily only take up a usual 8-5 time frame most of the time. 2 of his jobs are his own businesses, one of which I believe has great potential and the other will allow for a decent living. It's funny, I say we are flat broke only after I looked at our actual income last year. But day to day and when I look around our home I feel wealthy. We are capable of getting what we need, bit not the lavish extras. We are into simple living.
I think in the future we will do quite well, by out standards anyway.
But in the mean time the since no matter what I think will happen the future is still uncertain...for everyone. And he is the one who shoulders the burden.

Healthcare is very expensive. The price we pay being an extremely healthy family of 5 is downright robbery. But that is another thread.

[happyhats]

I don't have any answers for you, but I sure can sympathize. I've been having the baby lust since my daughter was itty bitty. It subsided for a while but it's back. But we're barely eeeking by right now. Hubby is planning on making a career change, that in the end will bring financial stability, but what to do in the meantime? Plus, when he goes back to school full time we'll be living on loans and possibly me getting weekend work (I can't just work full time for his schooling because his hours will take him out of the home as much as working full time, and then we'd still have the same childcare needs). So adding another mouth to feed to the mix is crazy scary. And yet by the time they'd both be "more expensive" we would be able to provide, god willing. Decisions, decisions.

[Peony]

Originally Posted by Phoebe

Did you think you could afford a third though??
Do you ever really feel like you can afford any baby before they are concieved and on their way? For us it's just always been "we'll figure it out".

Yeah, I knew we could afford a 3rd. I will be honest though, DH does make good money, but our expenses are insane. We live in a high COL area, housing is very pricey. 2 out of my 3 have some special needs, because of that we pay close to 800.00 a month for insurance that doesn't cover anything, we still paid over 4K this year already for medical bills. That does not include DD1's 5 times a week therapy that insurance refuses to cover, and then there is the school that she has to go to that can handle her needs and the therapist. We could probably reach and maybe afford one more normal child but one with any kind of issues would push over us the edge. That just isn't the thing that you can know in advance, and I feel lucky, my children's special needs are not severe, just expensive to manage and treat.

[sanguine_speed]

[Shellie]

Is there any harm in waiting? If you are right that finances will be much better in a few years, then you could always plan to have another down the road. We have a 6 year gap b/w #2 and #3 (#4 shortly followed) for partially for that reason. We actually enjoy our spacing very much.

[Megan73]

Originally Posted by SuzyLee

Just to insert some reality into your dream.... If you have 3 boys, chances are pretty good you will have a boy for #4. (80% I think?).

Nope. FC to say that even after three boys, you are only 6.4% more likely to have a fourth boy than a girl. The stats were collected by the National Longitudinal Study of Youth conducted by the US Dept. of Labor.
(Although it's a moot point because I think the OP has since said she'd be thrilled with either sex).
Good luck with your decision, OP.

[kittywitty]

Originally Posted by Phoebe

Did you think you could afford a third though??
Do you ever really feel like you can afford any baby before they are concieved and on their way? For us it's just always been "we'll figure it out".

I agree. We've never been able to afford any of our kids. They just kinda came on their own, though, and it always worked out.

[zebrachick83]

In the same emotional place as you OP. We're not strapped, but we just came through a difficult period and things are starting to steady a bit. This will be the first time in our marriage where we have not been in serious debt....and I want a fourth baby. I don't think that feeling ever really goes away, but we're done. In our sitch, it just wouldn't make sense financially or emotionally. But it doesn't make the baby lust go away.

[Phoebe]

Originally Posted by Shellie

Is there any harm in waiting? If you are right that finances will be much better in a few years, then you could always plan to have another down the road. We have a 6 year gap b/w #2 and #3 (#4 shortly followed) for partially for that reason. We actually enjoy our spacing very much.

That sounds great...10 years ago!
Too old now

[Qalliope]

Qalliope's decision-making machine

For me to go through with such a difficult choice, the dilemma must pass three tests.

1. Is it feasible enough from my current vantage point for me to think about it in optimistic terms?
If I really wanted another and had enough wiggle room to question if we could afford it, then I could probably manage it somehow. If I couldn't possibly afford another kid, my thoughts would run something like, "I wish we could have another, but there's just no way in heck it's gonna happen," instead of, "I wonder if we could find a way to make this work."

2. Am I willing and able to make serious, sustained efforts toward my goal without losing enthusiasm?
If my desire was strong enough, I would figure out what I needed to make it feasible and get to work on making it happen. If my motivation doesn't wane even when I feel overwhelmed, then it passes my test of wanting something badly enough to make it worth a little risk.

3. Are insecurities causing me to lean further in a particular direction?
If I am avoiding committing to something that will make my life better because I am self-conscious about other people's opinions or if I am talking myself into a decision that feels like a bad idea to me to garner any kind of social acceptance or approval, I need to reevaluate what I want and why. Once I am mentally free of other people's judgments or commentary, I can revisit the first two questions.


Anything which passes all three tests is worth doing. It usually takes me a couple of months to finish the process.