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post #21 of 25
I understand how you feel, I got a hold of an adult pic of my dd's donor and I was really underwhelmed and was thinking umm.. yeah, NO WAY IN HADES would I EVER pick this man! Totally unattractive and the smile on his face just sorta gave me the creeps. That said, dd totally got his looks and personality (his personality was why I picked him) and I love every bit of her so even though I found her donor less then aesthetically pleasing I am very happy with the child I got
post #22 of 25
i have to agree with smartycat on this subject. for me, i want to offer my child as much information about half of his genetics as i can. i wish i could obtain an adult photo of the donor to have available for our son. the baby pic was all that was available unfortunately.

i do not believe that if he wants to know that information then we have not fulfilled his needs within our family. i am not at this time intimidated by the thought that he might want to look for information about his genetics.
post #23 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjnoho View Post
i do not believe that if he wants to know that information then we have not fulfilled his needs within our family. i am not at this time intimidated by the thought that he might want to look for information about his genetics.
I'm with you on this one jjnoho (and smartycat), but that's after parenting for several years. Katie, isn't your baby quite young? I wasn't at all comfortable with the idea of people outside our immediate family connected to my daughter when she was just a baby. I felt like I *should* be, but in reality I wasn't, and it didn't help to try to pretend I was. And I can totally understand finding the picture overwhelming.

But you might not feel the same about it down the line. And as others have said, there's no way to know how your child will feel.
post #24 of 25
I agree with PP. Our girls, and now this new baby, will be genetically unrelated to both myself and DP - we used both anonymous egg and sperm donors. I accumulated as much information about all of our donors as was available, as I was a child of a closed adoption and have essentially NO information about my own genetic past. It sucks to not have those roots. My girls have been posted on the Donor Siblings site for the past 3 years (no luck, though). Collecting these items, whether it's a photograph or the donor's favorite kind of music, may be of great significance to your child down the road even though they may be distasteful to or uncomfortable for you right now. It is their history, we owe it to them to give them everything we can. Without these very significant people (donors) I would be childless right now.

Sorry, stepping down from my box now, but I've been on both sides and therefore my opinions are very strong about this subject.
post #25 of 25
Our DD was born 10 months ago to my DW and donor sperm. We specifically chose identity release sperm and with someone who had both child and adult photos available. I specifically chose an adult photo because I think it would be hard for our DD and us to show her a picture of a 2 year old and tell her that is the man that helped us out to create her. I think she will find that confusing. I do have to admit that I/we did turn down potential donors because of how they looked in their adult photo. One guy I didn't like his smile, the other guy it was his nose, etc.

We fully plan on telling our DD she is the product of donor sperm. Slowly, starting on her first birthday by giving thanks to him for donating and making it possible for us to create her. We also fully plan on making her a little scrap book with his info and photos in it and letting her have it when she is older. I will begin telling her about his interests and likes and what he looks like when she is between 5-10 (depending on her). I really hope that she wants to know something about 50% of her genetics. I hope she is curious. And I hope that by telling her stuff and making her feel proud and thankful for his donation that it will create an acceptance in her and not a longing for a relationship that she can't have.
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