All of my living children are Rainbow babies.
Dh and i lost our first baby at 5 weeks, then twins at 18-22 weeks, to twin to twin tranfusion, then went on to have 3 girls, in 3 years. After our 3rd living dd, we had 15 months of infertility, then a 5 week miscarriage, a boy at 21 weeks, a boy at 18 weeks, and a boy at 15 weeks, another miscarriage at 6 weeks, another miscarriage at 4-5 weeks, Our miracle baby boy, now 11 months, and another mc at 4 -5 weeks, and now are expecting again.
everyday, i have at least one moment of panic, that i wont have a baby at the end of this. If i get a 5 minute break from nausea, i start to worry. I am afraid all the time. I know this is it for us. It just seems right. So no matter how this pregnancy ends, i dont think i will ever go down this road again. it is so stressful for us.
Sub babies are always filled with emotion, that many dont understand. I remember when my son was born, everyone was crying. I kept saying, over and over again, " i get to keep him?" seems how he was born 30 minutes after shift change, the poor nurses had no idea what was happening, but it was one of the most emotional events of my life. I keep thinking about that day, and praying for a repeat, with this baby.
I talked them into betas, so I had one done Tuesday (she said it was in the 30,000s but she didn't give me a number) and another today. hopeful that the number for today is bigger and I can stop worrying.
Follow Mothering