should i be concerned? 3yo dd

[catinthehat]

Hi my dd will be four this summer. I stay home with her. Her big sis is in school full time. My concerns are about her ability to play on her own and be on her own in general. She goes to preschool 2 am's a week, and she had a hard time adjusting to that, but she now likes it. Other than that, she is with me. She seems incapable of playing on her own. She follows me around lie puppy dog all day and will not play AT ALL by herself. She won't even be in another room then me. It is tiresome to say the least. I have made it a point to play on the floor with her a lot lately to see if that helps, but no such luck. She has pretty much always been like this, maybe I haven't had such an issue with it in the past b/c big sis has been around to play. It is prob nothing to worry about, but still, it is weird she won't even be in another room then me. Any thoughts?

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Its nothing at all to worry about. Many, many children are extroverted and prefer to be in the company of others, especially someone as cool as mama.

It definitely wears on you, though! My DD is 5 and still doesn't play independently. I get breaks when other children come over (sort of!).

[catinthehat]

Thanks,
I kinda figured that was the case. She would probably like to be in preschool more often. I am just not super crazy about her preschool. It is okay, but not good enough for me to feel really good about sending her there more. So, I guess more playdates would be good. Thanks for the reassurance.

[greenbeanmama]

I'd say if she's by your side constantly, then turn some of your day into play for her. My son is getting better, but is mostly by my side. He LOVES to cook - measure, dump, stir, etc. At three, he already knows that two half cups make a whole and that there are three teaspoons in a tablespoon. He also loves to vacuum - not only with his toy, but with the real one, turned on. Granted, he'll clean about two square feet very thoroughly, and that's about it, but hey, it's a starting point. It wears on me too, but I know it won't last forever.

About the being in another room thing: I think that's completely normal. My son won't be left alone upstairs. Ever. I stay in another bedroom upstairs until he is asleep (and even getting to the point where I'm in another room was a big accomplishment). I figure there's no sense pushing too hard, and that when he's ready, he'll let me know.

[LuxPerpetua]

My 4.25 yo dd is like this and always has been. Even as a baby she would not play with toys and such. I think it's a personality thing, too.

[redpajama]

My 3.5-year-old does this, if maybe to a lesser degree than your daughter. We go over to my friend's house and she disappears for hours with the other kids, and she'll play with her older brother at home (when he's into it), and that's okay. I've even noticed in the past week or so that she's more content to play, say, in the living room if her 7-month-old sister is on the floor "playing" with her--it's like she needs a warm body nearby! Sometimes she gets wrapped up in her play, and then she can play for an hour or so by herself. Most of the time, though, she brings her activity, whatever it is, to where I am. Again, she doesn't seem to need too much interaction a lot of the time, just wants to be close by.

It's definitely a personality thing. My 5-year-old son is much more introverted, and friends and family were always impressed with how happily he played independently, and for how long (and at such a young age). It's just his preference. It's not unheard of for me to say, "Hey, do you want to call ______ and see if he wants to play?" or something similar and have him say no. Occasionally he'll ask one of us (usually my husband) to come build with legos with him, but I'm pretty sure it's more because he wants/needs help with the actual building, and not because he wants company.

My daughter, on the other hand, is ALWAYS up for a visit with friends. The other day she asked if we could go to a particular friend's house and when I said no, she asked why not. I said, "Well, we weren't invited, for one thing." Since then, she asks me almost first thing every morning, "Are we invited anywhere today??"