advice on babies you can't put down

[Ldogg]

I love love love holding my baby girl, 4 weeks old tomorrow (!). But when DH is not here (he's working 3 days/week for a few weeks, then back to full-time) and I have no help during the day, I have no break from holding her. Our swing and bouncer are pretty much useless, and she won't nap in her bassinet during the day. When I mean no break, I really mean it... as soon as I put her down in/on anything, she will start wailing within 3 minutes.

The only way I've been able to deal with this is to wear her in a sling, which I actually really love to do... she just can't handle it for more than 1 or 2 hours at a time. This is the only way I can go to the bathroom, eat or check email is during this time.

Anyone have any tips? Is it just like this for a while for some babies? Even when I am holding her I usually have to be moving/bouncing/etc. I'm happy to do it but I get exhausted by the end of the day... especially on 3 hours of sleep!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[lalemma]

You and I have the same baby.

Mine is five months now, and at about 4 months he got much more "independent": he still prefers to be with an adult, but I can put him down for a few minutes and go pee. It's glorious.

But until 4 months it was hard. Hard, hard, hard. Days would go by with no showers. He would be soundly asleep on my lap and I'd put him down for 15 seconds to go pee and he'd snap awake, outraged.

I either held him, carried him in a wrap, or did the nursing+napping thing on my lap on a Boppy during the bulk of this time (the rocker helped with this, I think. A glider or rocker is a great baby investment as far as I'm concerned.)

It does get better! But it took a few months for us - I was happiest when I just accepted that this was what was happening, instead of spending my time wishing he'd be okay if I put him down. (Easier said than done, I know.)

[MamieCole]

Been there, done that.

My only advice would be to hang on to the positive attitude and perspective you seem to have now, know that this is temporary and that easier days are ahead. How soon is dependent upon your specific little one, of course, but it sounds like you really understand that this is normal. I totally get how tiring it is. My first DS was just like that. It DOES get better! She will continue to grow and learn and soon she will feel more comfortable in this big world and not need to be cuddled constantly.

[Norasmomma]

My son is a cuddle bug, and has been since birth. DD would let you put her in a bouncy chair, she loved it, she napped in it. Now DS has been barely put down, he won't let you, he's 6 months. He's our last baby, so I want to cherish it, but sometimes stuff needs to get done. When he was first born we could wear him, I wore him often in my Moby wrap, but then he hit 3-4 months and decided he hated any and every carrier. I've spent the last few months tag-teaming everything with DH. We have piles of laundry that need to be folded, dinner to be made and no way to make it because DS won't go down. He was doing better, but the last few days we are right back at it. He is getting mobile and that seemed to be good for a week or 2, and no he is just clingy. Ugh, my back hurts and I am pretty frustrated with everything right now. I also co-sleep so I get like zero break from him at all. I love it most of the time, but right now I need a break.

[hakeber]

I could only put ds down with white noise (a hair dryer on hi -- cool setting) blasting near him (i had it so the engine part was right next to his head just outside his basinette.)Or music...he LOVED Frank Sinatra. when I was painting the mural in his nursery I was playing a Classic Frank CD and he was grooving in his basinette with me.

Or I could swaddle him, and put on white noise and nurse him and put him down for a nap. But usually, I wore him in a sling to go out and do stuff, and then when I had to put him down I'd lay him in his stroller or bucket car seat and rock him with my foot while I did stuff in the kicthen or whatever.

With Emily, she's quite happy being down, but sometimes when she is not I and I am doing something like cutting vegetables or on the stove top, I lay her in the stroller and rock the stroller with one foot while I talk to her and the jiggling and talking makes her happy and the white noise of the stove top fan really makes her chill out.

[kismetbaby]

I know its no real help to you now, but hang in there!!! It does get better. My DS was just like that. . .I don't think I got 5 min without holding him until he was 3 m old. He's 6.5m old now and is quite independent actually. I mean of course he still loves being held, but he also loves his excersaucer and loves to sit and play with toys. I wish that i hadn't been so worried at the time about the fact that he wouldn't go down and just enjoyed cuddling him.

I know it gets tiring though! You might try new places. . .I found I could get 5-10min of bathroom time if I laid him on the bathroom floor or put his bouncy chair in front of a mirror (your LO might be a tad young for this though). He would be momentarily stunned by the new surroundings. Or try laying her by an open window. Or playing music. Turned out my LO loved the soundtrack to Grease and would always calm down when I played that.

[tzs]

Originally Posted by kismetbaby

I know it gets tiring though! You might try new places. . .I found I could get 5-10min of bathroom time if I laid him on the bathroom floor or put his bouncy chair in front of a mirror (your LO might be a tad young for this though). He would be momentarily stunned by the new surroundings. Or try laying her by an open window. Or playing music. Turned out my LO loved the soundtrack to Grease and would always calm down when I played that.

THIS!!!

there was no way i was skipping a shower postpartum and my very clingy at the time newborn was for some reason more than happy to sit in the carseat if i moved it to the bathroom with me. sometimes she even fell asleep. must have been the white noise of the shower b/c she does NOT fall asleep on her own.

[Tattooed Hand]

everyone has good ideas. I would add that I would not have made it through the last few months without my brestfriend nursing pillow. I have nursed DD to sleep on it, let her sleep there while I worked on my computer and even picked it up and walked to the potty with it and peed. It's easier to pee with her in the Moby though...

And hang in there, very gradually DD has begun to tolerate being put in her bouncy chair and on the floor for short bursts of time, depending on her mood and fatigue level. Enjoy holding your little one while she's not as wiggley!

[greenbeanmama]

Yes, my son was the same way. Up until about eight or nine months, I couldn't put him down for more than a few minutes without wails. No one else could hold him without crying. It was rough.

Other mamas have posted good ideas - try them! One thing that really helped me was getting out of the house - I figured that if he needed to be held, and I couldn't do much around the house, then we could at least go to the library, the grocery store, Target, botanical center, etc. It didn't make him less needy, but it did help with my own sanity. And books. I read an awful lot of books as I nursed, and as I rocked him, especially when he slept on my lap and I didn't want to move for fear of waking him up.

And, remember, these times will soon be a distant memory, and you'll long to be able to snuggle your little one as much as possible again.

[Alisse]

Have you tried alternating through different carriers? We found it helped with our son and the wearer go for longer wearing sessions.

[mommy212]

I think my baby has been held his entire 5 1/2 months on earth! He also will not wear any type of carrier I've tried inside, though he likes them outside or at the store and stuff. So things don't get done, or I find ways to do them with one hand. I'm getting good! lol. He is getting better though. You are super early on. Just hang in there!

[texmati]

mine is about 7 months now, and oh, oh, oh so much better since about 4-5 months. and a few weeks ago, when he started to learn now to sit, it was like heaven!

I would get a wrap, that will make it much easier to hold her. and I'd also get help with dinner and other chores for the next few weeks. It will get better.

Also, when my son was that age, he loved the patio swing. We'd swing for hours and hours, and my parents moved their patio swing inside the house so I could swing there as well. For a while, we wouldn't visit anyone who didn't have a patio swing. lol!

If it's any consolation at all, I miss, miss, miss, miss those days so much, and I'm only a few months out!

[mamakims]

Been there, done that and am wearing the t-shirt to prove it!

Everyone's given GREAT advice. White noise and swaddling was my saviour with ds who's now about to turn 2. Without it, I was never able to put him down.

And I just want to say that I know how frustrating and hard it can be to always have to hold your lo and not be able to have even a second to yourself. But I want to let you know that yes it does get easier and even better than that... your babies who love to be held and cuddled now will love cuddling when they're older! Most of my friends with toddlers tell me how they have to wrestle hugs from them but not here: Parker LOVES cuddle time. He's happy to sit on my lap and cuddle. And that right there makes it all worth it!

[notjustmamie]

I second the idea of various carriers or regular position changes. I found a lot of great babywearing ideas at wearyourbaby.com.

[JustSimplicity]

My DS was like that at 4 weeks for sure. He's 9 weeks now and starting to take a few naps here and there in his own bed. Swaddled in the Woombie - I highly recommend it. Also I was putting him down just a few minutes hear and there under his baby play gym or with a toy next to him to look at. At first he would only tolerate a minute or two. Sometimes he would cry a bit if I had to pull laundry out or run to the bathroom. Now he tolerates 10-15 minutes of being down looking at things. If he starts to fuss I don't pick him up right a way but start talking to him, playing with his hands, singing to him - anything to try to interest him while keeping him comfortable not being in my arms for a minute. We also do A LOT of baby wearing - me using a moby and DH using a Beco carrier so DS gets his snuggle time in and is slowly feeling more comfortable on his own for a few minutes. It does get better - hang in there!

[Jaesun's Dad]

It might not work for a few more weeks but if you put her in the bouncer or sit her where she can see you and then interact with her for a good amount of time she might let you get away for a few minutes before she starts having a fit. I'd say since about six weeks our son has been able to go longer and longer sitting by himself while mom uses the bathroom or I make dinner. In my apartment the living room and kitchen are basically the same room divided by a long counter and DP and I were both hanging out in the kitchen area while DS was in his bouncer seat looking at us and he'll let us go for a long time like that now so long as we make sure we continue to interact with him. Even from far away he seems to be fine with that. What he really hates is being left alone, but so long as he feels mom and/or dad are near he's content to coo at Pooh or punch Tigger for a while ... he also would not stand for being put down even for a minute the first month to six weeks. Now I can get all sorts of things done even when DP is out by putting him in a good spot where he doesn't feel totally isolated and then "stopping by" every few minutes and doing, literally, a song and dance for him. He gives me those heart melting smiles and laughs a little at silly daddy and I give him a little kiss and I can do something for a few more minutes ... repeat.

[Ldogg]

Wow, thanks for all the great tips! We do use a white noise machine in our bedroom during sleep time (which works fairly well), but I didn't think of doing it throughout the day, so I'll have to try that. Position changes make sense, too... I'll definitely give that a whirl!

I find the Moby wrap the best one so far, probably because it's the most comfortable at this point b/c no straps poke me in the back. The Mei Tai carrier is good too, especially for walks. One of my friends with a similar don't-put-me-down baby said she always scheduled 1-2 "walking naps" per day, and I've started doing this as well. Definitely helps keep me sane.

I love that these kind of babies tend to grow into cuddly kids! That makes my heart sing, and definitely gives me the motivation to hang in there!

[Ldogg]

And lalemma: it sounds like we DO have the same baby! Crazy stuff.

[lellian]

I can't add anything to the already great advice, but I'm soooo glad to know that DD isn't the only cuddle bug out there! For me, as soon as I really understood that this time would pass and I'd actually MISS IT, I could deal better with DD needing to be held 24/7.

I found that after her 430 or 530 AM feeding, I could sneak out of bed without her and have a few minutes to sleep by myself on the couch, check email, shower, whatever. Yeah, I would/am still (be) exhausted, and would rather be sleeping soundly, but I'd take any time I could get ALONE. . .hence the reply here at 6:17 in the morning.

[lisalu100]

No other advice, but DD was the same for the first 7 1/2 weeks. DH and I spend the entire time trying to get her back to sleep or nurse, because that's the only time she didn't really seem mad. After 3 weeks I relented, and gave her a pacifier, which really helped. And at 7 1/2 weeks it's like she decided it wasn't so bad out here after all, and she was so much happier. I could put her down occasionally, and I didn't need to be constantly bouncing or rocking her. At nine months she plays by herself for up to an hour at a time...