What if the child's ready, but it's too soon?

[honeybee]

I posted a thread in the bf beyond infancy board, but so far there hasn't been much of a helpful response. So, I thought I would try here.

My toddler is 19 months. He's my third, and I'm pg with #4. I did not CLW my older two boys, but ds1 nursed until age 5, and 4 yo ds2 is still nursing (limited to morning and night at the moment). I spent about 3 months nursing all 3 kids before weaning ds1. He still talks longingly a year and a half later about wanting to nurse, and ds2 is a very sad boy if I happen to not be home one evening and he can't get his mama milk.

So, I have no idea what to do with ds3. I am afraid he is weaning and will be done before he turns 2. He is refusing the breast and going all day without nursing. He is mostly sleeping through the night on his own. Last night before bedtime I started bawling because he refused to have anything to do with me, and just wanted his dad. After he was asleep and dh put him back in bed with us, he did nurse. It seems he has to be half-asleep in order to nurse... otherwise he's not interested.

I don't know what to do. I never thought I'd be in this position. I'm a SAHM, we've never used bottles or pacifiers. We always babywear, cosleep, the whole shot. We do baby led solids... although in his case it was a stretch to make him wait until 6 months because he was grabbing food out of his brothers' hands and ramming it down his throat, so he was eating a lot of solids pretty early.

I know it's a popular theory that toddlers don't self-wean before the age of 2 without there being outside circumstances, but now I'm not buying it. I encourage nursing. I strip down and try to get him to come near me... I can't force him to nurse!

I really don't think my pregnancy is a major factor. I nursed easily through 2 other pregnancies. I don't lose my milk or have painful nursing. He is just such a daddy's boy, he would rather be walked or worn by dh for comfort over nursing. And he loves to drink water! He would rather have a water bottle than mama milk many times.

Is there anything that can help?

[PatioGardener]

I think you're doing great by offering. Until 2 yrs old I see breastmilk just like any other healthy food/behaviour. You just keep offering. You can't make a kid eat vegetables any more than you can make him breastfeed, but we keep offering.

[briome]

Well, I don't know what to tell you? Some kids just want to do other things. I wouldn't be TOO worried as he is over a year...and I bet a week from now when he is sniffly or had a long day or something he will snuggle in and nurse, OR NOT! Try to think flexible and open about your relationship with your son.
It is posible he may start up again at some point, maybe?

It does not sound like you are to blame AT ALL for discouraging nursing or setting limits on it.
I have a 2 1/2 year old who sporadically nurses (I am 38 wks pregnant). He never seemed to mind my milk changing taste and have now discovered the colostrum! I had weaned my eldest (gently) just after he turned two because I thought it would help me get pregnant quicker. A few months before that he had a nursing strike for 5 days and I went through all the mourning when you think breastfeeding is over. It may be over for you both but you should allow yourself time and space to mourn the loss of that part of you relationship...or not!
Hugs

[averlee]

I've heard of some kids who do self-wean between the 1st and 2nd birthdays. One mom told me both her babies stopped nursing when they started walking, much like you describe, fully refusing the breast. One idea that occurred to me, is that you could try pumping and offering him milk in a cup. Following mainstream advice and practice, formula babies are supposed to be on 100% solids right around the 1st birthday, so it is pretty well accepted that kids do fine on solids only after 1 yr.

[claddaghmom]

I wouldn't immediately rule out your pregnancy and I wouldn't worry about it too much overall.

It could be that your milk is slowly changing or supply has a dropped a bit and this has prompted him to reduce feedings.

Or, that might not be the case at all and he is simply going through a stage...maybe teething?

My DD is 17 months and we are just coming back from that experience. Several nights in a row she refused to nurse and would only sleep in daddy's arms. I felt so sad lol! She is also very active during the day and hates to stop and nurse...unless of course she falls down or bumps her head!

Anyways, about 1.5 months ago this "almost weaned" situation completely changed. She is attached to my boobs all the time now. She's even deviating from her regular sleep schedule which was almost STTN. And despite loving solid foods and eating everything, she has gone back to wanting "boobah" and getting very picky. Seems normal to me; I've seen lots of toddlers do this back and forth thing...even up to 5 years old.

[transylvania_mom]

milk changes its taste during pregnancy, it's not only a supply issue.
Continue offering, maybe he'll nurse more after the baby is born?

[honeybee]

Thanks for the commisseration and suggestions. He has asked to nurse during the day again at least a couple times, and seems to be nursing more at night again. So, I hope it is a phase and just depends on circumstances or his mood.

[CheriK]

I wonder about a nursing strike, especially your note that he nurses while half-asleep. Maybe treat it as such if it happens again. http://www.llli.org/FAQ/strike.html

I also do wonder about possible change in taste and maybe flow due to pregnancy. If your DS isn't a real nurse for comfort guy, and expects a certain flavor/flow, then that could make him less interested in nursing. Every nursling is different, so just because your older two weren't troubled by changes during pregnancy it doesn't mean this LO will be the same.

I would think that as long as you keep offering and he nurses occasionally, he'd be likely to pick back up once your new baby arrives. Luckily, with another nursling and a new baby on the way, you'll continue to have milk whenever he decides to be interested!

Even if he doesn't, you've given him a great start, and honoring his needs is also important. If he does wean, you could always consider giving him expressed milk in a cup, mixing it in smoothies or cereal, etc. That would at least let him keep getting the immune support for a longer time.

[rparker]

I'm due in October too and my 2.5 year old now comments at least once a day that my milk either tastes like juice, butter, or both. She doesn't seem to mind the difference in taste at all, but maybe some kids do? That's the one thing that came to mind when you mentioned nursing through previous pregnancies... could it be that your son is just pickier about the flavor of his milk than your older children were?

The only thing I can think to add to the advice from previous posters is to ask if you've tried talking to him very much about the changes in your milk and how it will be different again when the baby comes? We spend a lot of time reading two children's books by Dr. Sears on babies and pregnancy. They don't address tandem nursing at all, but they talk about how and why newborns nurse and I always use that as an opportunity to explain that she can nurse when the baby nurses and that there will be a lot more of the "good" milk once the baby is born. I don't know if this is a factor in motivating her not to wean, but she's really excited about the idea of tandem nursing and talks about it a lot. I realize that this might be a harder sell with a younger child, but it might be worth a shot?

[featherstory]

It may not be a permanent thing, and if it is I don't think it is an indicator of something wrong, all babies are different, really. It seems you would have liked him to nurse longer, and maybe he will, maybe it is just a phase, I know my daugher went long periods between nursings during certain time periods between 1-2 and I thought maybe she was self-weaning, but she then she would become an avid nurser again.

[lvisser]

Wait, doesn't this totally contradict the whole "child led weaning" thing? He's deciding to wean, so let him.

[bri276]

I know it's a popular theory that toddlers don't self-wean before the age of 2 without there being outside circumstances, but now I'm not buying it.

Any theory that espouses the idea that ALL, EVERY SINGLE ONE, of any group would do anything is completely ridiculous. Of course there are going to be outliers. Just like there are some kids who don't wean before they're 6+, there are some on the other side who wean a bit earlier.