wwyd?

[Barefoot~Baker]

I'll try to be brief...

I have a friend staying with me. Her boyfriend has come over to visit a couple of nights, I've gone to bed while he's still here with my friend, and he leaves without staying over, but has left at around 1 am.

Today my 4 yo said that he came in her room and touched her face. I told her calmly to tell me exactly what happened and to tell the truth. She told me what I just said, and at the end said "and I'm telling the truth". She has been known for telling little "stories" that aren't true, but she's never emphasized before that she's told the truth when she's been lying.

Later on when I asked again about it, there was some inconsistency.

WTH do I do? I told my friend, and she swears up and down that he was nowhere near their room. I said that I'm really freaked out and until I process this and figure it out that I'm comfortable with having him here.

wwyd???

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Is it possible it could have been a dream?

[Barefoot~Baker]

I asked her and she said no, that she was awake. She did seem freaked out at one point in the night though, but I think that was after he must have left, maybe she heard the door. She came running into my room and said that she saw a ghost and got into my bed. She never does this. I tucked her back into bed and a few minutes later, she ran back into my room and jumped into my bed. She seemed a little freaked out, so I let her stay.

This morning she kept saying that there was a ghost, and I said that she must have heard "R" leaving the house, and a couple of hours later she started with this story.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Turner

I said that I'm really freaked out and until I process this and figure it out that I'm comfortable with having him here.

Did you mean that your NOT comfortable with having him there? Cuz if thats what you meant, and its just a typo, I think thats the right move for now.

[Barefoot~Baker]

Originally Posted by Barbie64g

Did you mean that your NOT comfortable with having him there? Cuz if thats what you meant, and its just a typo, I think thats the right move for now.

oops! yeah, that was a typo

[Magali]

I"m just trying to imagine what I would do if my son told me that. I would not feel comfortable with the boyfriend there either.

[Linda on the move]

I don't think it matters if he went in her room or not, your DD isn't comfortable with him there. He needs to not be there *just because she would be more comfortable that way.* This isn't about what is right or fair or if he is a good guy or a bad guy, it's just so that she can feel safe while she is falling asleep.

He needs to leave before betime at your house (what ever that is).

[feminist~mama]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I don't think it matters if he went in her room or not, your DD isn't comfortable with him there. He needs to not be there *just because she would be more comfortable that way.* This isn't about what is right or fair or if he is a good guy or a bad guy, it's just so that she can feel safe while she is falling asleep.

He needs to leave before betime at your house (what ever that is).

This is what I was going to say! Good luck and good for you for listening to your kiddo!

[cappuccinosmom]

Yah. Even leaving aside whether the touch happened or not...

He's not an invited overnight guest. Your friend is there because of your graciousness. I would not have someone I do not know staying at my house when I'm not conscious. Particularly after my child expressed discomfort.

If he came over at all, he'd be politely ushered out the door at a reasonable hour at night.

[ollyoxenfree]

I have a very vivid recollection of something similar (someone coming into my dorm room in the night). I could provide all sorts of details of the incident, if asked. I could swear it happened - except it didn't. I know it was a dream. I was 18 y.o. at the time.

It's entirely possible that your dd honestly believes it happened, but it didn't. Or perhaps it did.

For your peace of mind and her comfort and safety, I also think he needs to leave earlier. There are some other steps you can take - put a lock on her door (although it's controversial to use a lock on a kiddie's door), she could co-sleep with you, get a guard dog to sleep in front of her bed.... My dd decorated her room with a bead curtain in her doorway. It's unmistakeable if someone goes into her room - a great side benefit to her decorating style has been that I always know if the puppy goes into her room to get into mischief. I've always thought it would be a gentle alarm to know if a kid sister or brother was sneaking into someone's bedroom - now I realize it would work as an alert about visiting creeps too, as long as someone was awake to hear it. Just hanging it might be a deterrent to prevent someone who wants to enter a room quietly.

[karika]

She could have been seeing things? I saw a ghostly encounter where a young girl saw that exact sort of thing, and the young man she saw died soon after. Perhaps your dd is sensitive to paranormal events. This would mean the young man did not physically go into her room and touch her, but like his soul did.... or if he did go in and touch her face, perhaps he was just visiting her as she sleeps, many people like to look at sleeping children, and perhaps give them a touch. How well does he know your child? Perhaps she reminds him of his sister that died or some such thing. I would not think it was sinister by what you described. Sounds perfectly innocent. If it freaked dd out (but it doesn't sound like it did, sounds like her seeing a 'ghost' later freaked her out) then have her sleep with you until she decides to go back to her own bed. Also now that I write this, her having the vision of him in her room and then seeing a ghost later, it does sound as if she is psychic or privy to paranormal at least... more and more children are being born with the gift. Also, if your friend says he did not go to the room, why would she lie? If you have her staying there you must know her pretty well, would she lie? Have you sat down with the young man and your dd together? I have read the other replies and I admit I have never been in a situation like this, but I saw nothing alarming about it at all.

[childsplay]

I wouldn't even begin to explore the possibility that it may have been a dream.
The fact is, your DD was made to feel uncomfortable/scared/freaked out etc in her own room.
Maybe it was a dream, maybe not. Maybe he touched her face to be creepy, maybe he was simply tucking the covers around her. Whatever it was soley centered on this man and freaked her out enough to make her crawl into your bed.
I'd tell him he's not welcome at your house anymore. Your DD's sense of security trumps your houseguest's 'rights' anyday.

[Dr.Worm]

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom

Yah. Even leaving aside whether the touch happened or not...

He's not an invited overnight guest. Your friend is there because of your graciousness. I would not have someone I do not know staying at my house when I'm not conscious. Particularly after my child expressed discomfort.

If he came over at all, he'd be politely ushered out the door at a reasonable hour at night.

I agree with this.

[One_Girl]

I think you need to have him leave before your dd goes to bed also. If your friend is having an intimate relationship with hiim then maybe she can do that when you guys aren't home or at his home.

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by One_Girl

I think you need to have him leave before your dd goes to bed also. If your friend is having an intimate relationship with hiim then maybe she can do that when you guys aren't home or at his home.

Exactly what I was thinking.

Since you don't know him that well, and you have a child, I wouldn't be comfortable having him there after you have gone to bed for the night.

[rightkindofme]

I'd say he can't stay past bed time any more and let it go at that. I probably wouldn't even mention that my daughter was uncomfortable I would say that I wasn't. And if my kid were upset it would be true that I was uncomfortable with it.

[swd12422]

No chance would a "stranger" ever be staying in my house overnight while my kids are there, and no way would I go to sleep while anyone else was in the house. Guests need to leave before bedtime routines begin.

[Barefoot~Baker]

Thanks everyone...

I've asked my dd to tell me again today, and spoke to her again about telling the truth and she still insists that it's the truth.

When I told my friend about it last night, her initial response was a powerful "NO. NO. NO. I was with him the WHOLE time.". It made me a little suspicious that she didn't even stop to think that maybe he went to the bathroom or something. I asked her if he went to the bathroom and she said no, then thought more, and remembered that he went to his car to get his soda, but she was in the kitchen the whole time so would have seen him if he went somewhere else.

You know, I was uncomfortable with this scenerio from the get-go (myself going to bed while my friend has her boyfriend over) but I thought I was just being paranoid and wanted my friend to have a pleasant stay. I also trusted her, but now I'm wondering if I should even trust HER judgement. I don't know this guy well.

Yeah, this isn't happening again.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Bolded mine

Originally Posted by Mrs. Turner

You know, I was uncomfortable with this scenerio from the get-go (myself going to bed while my friend has her boyfriend over) sounds like your mama-instinct to me, mama-bear.

Yeah, this isn't happening again. possible distaster averted. Way to go mama-bear!

[limabean]

Yeah, even without what your DD said, I wouldn't be comfortable with that scenario. My good friend stayed with us for several weeks before we even had kids, and I said no when she asked if she could have her boyfriend (who I didn't like or trust) over. It's your house, and no one you're uncomfortable with, for any reason, should be there.