anyone have children that don't live with them fulltime?

[corysmilk]

My Oldest DS is 15, 16 this year and he lives with his dad. he has since he was 5 years old. We talk on the phone and see each other.
my DD is 12 she is living with my aunt, for many reasons. but I am fighting to get her back right now.
DS#2 is 6 he is living with me part time, and at the end of april it will be full time again!!!

PLease don't judge me, I have been down a hard road. I love all my babies so much.

I did something stupid last year I called the minisrty of children and families and asked for help, now they are treating me like a horrable person. I have to remind my worker everytime we speak that she never removed my children, I asked for help.

its so frustrating to be in this postion. I thought I was doing the best thing for my children at the time, and now I relize its all been a huge mistake.
plus the fact that we are pg. its made them question whether dd can come home at all, {she has jelousy against her little brother and has been mean to him}
anyway it feels good to Finally "come clean"

any other moms or dads out there?

[kriket]

No experience, just love If you want to have your children back FT go for it! Do everything you need to do! The oldest who lives with their dad will probably never live FT with you, just because you and her dad are separate and if he is with you FT he won't get time time with his dad KWIM?

Good luck to you!

[Polliwog]

I'm not in your situation but I am a foster parent. I love to hear stories of parents working hard to fix what was wrong and have their kids come home. Best wishes to you.

[Mountaingirl79]

Well, we have our kids 50 percent of the time, because my ex and I share joint custody. It's pretty hard on me emotionally, even though my situation is amicable and I am very glad that their Dad cares as much as he does. And that he has really proven to be an excellent father and co parent.

When the kids leave every Saturday it is hard and we miss them terribly until they come back on Weds. It is compounded by the fact that dh and I have been trying to add to our family for over a year with no luck, so my nest feels super empty sometimes. (Hugs)

[becoming]

My daughter (age 4) lives with her father anywhere from 1 to 4 days week, depending on his work schedule & what we've got going on. He is an excellent father, we make great co-parents, and we are very accommodating to each other. I miss her terribly when she's gone for more than 2 days, but I know her father loves her & takes care of her as well as I do, so I have no worries. Plus my husband works offshore & is gone 2-3 weeks a month for work, so I feel like a single mom much of the time & actually enjoy the break at times. This schedule is actually about to change drastically when she starts full-time school in the fall (her dad will likely have her for only 1-2 days every other week), and I'm concerned about how it's going to affect all of us. She's really going to miss seeing her dad more.

[corrie43]

My 13 year old daughter has lived with her dad full time since she was 5. They live completely across the US from me and it requres a full day filght toget her here, so we only see eachother for a few weeks in the summer. It was tough to let her go live with them, but I knew she would have many more opportunities with them due to finances and I know she is loved by both her dad and her stepmom. We had joint custody until her dad was stationed back home inhis home state across the US. It was an amiciable decision without any courts involved. I wanted it that way versus a big battle that could have gone either way.

I have 2 children with my husband now and they miss thier half sister, but it is what it is. She is where she belongs.

[corysmilk]

I have worked in a foster home as a foster parent support worker, so I do find it very difficult.

I am doing everything and more, that they have asked me.

I really want the best for the children. and sometimes I don't think that is me!! I need alot of support to parent my children. my insecuretys hold me back from asking for help. I am working on this.
my children are smart, beautiful, and fun to be with. they really are.
but I get caught up in the day to day stuff, sometimes being very over whelmed, and then shuting down, and pretending everything is ok, when its not.

thank for all the kind words.

[operamommy]

My ds1 (age 15) and dd (age 12) decided to move to their dad's 8 months ago. It has been gut-wrenchingly hard.

They are 2 hours away, so we see them every other weekend and I talk to them by phone/skype at least once a week. It has been hard to get them to do more than that - they're busy teens. My son and I have a good relationship, but my daughter chose not to visit the last time and won't speak to me currently. She's convinced I've "hated her since she was born" and says she doesn't like me. She's very dramatic, needless to say.

I've had to try to move past a lot of resentment towards my ex. It feels sometimes like he got a free ride in parenting (he was NOT a stable father till just a few years ago) while I did all the work and am consequently the bad guy because I set limits, etc. I'm happy that my son is finally getting a chance to *really* know his dad, and I think it's been really good for him. I think it's not as good for my daughter. She manipulates my ex a lot and he puts up with things from her that I never would - so I always seem like the jerk.

[corysmilk]

Originally Posted by operamommy

but my daughter chose not to visit the last time and won't speak to me currently. She's convinced I've "hated her since she was born" and says she doesn't like me. She's very dramatic, needless to say.

my dd is exactley the same. she thinks I hate her?? I love her very much, I always wanted a dd, and have been blessed with a beautiful smart dd, since the day she was born.

my ex, is almost the same, I did it for 5 years with only a little input from him. and now he is a "hero" cause he rasies our son. he lived at home with his parents. now with his wife. if I lived at home with mine while I was a teenager and parenting my first ds. maybe things would have worked out for me too!

hang in there. the pain eases! in time

[Kreeblim]

I just wanted to say that there is a BIG bias in society against women who do not have full custody of their children. In any break up there are 2 parents and logistically one of them will almost always need to have a greater share of custody. When a mother has the greater share, people think nothing of it, but when a father has the greater share they think "My God, what's wrong with the mother..." or "Wow, you are SUCH a great father!" as if no normal guy could handle full custody, and no normal mother would allow it. I find it pretty insulting to both parents, and sad for the children because it puts a guilt burden on the mother and can lead to custody fights in situations where there might not need to be one if mothers weren't totally villianized for not being the custodial parent.

Anyway, I think it's really great that you are doing what you can for your kids OP. I only wish society was more supportive of all parents who do what's best for their kids in a difficult situation. It sounds like you're working hard towards making things right.

I have full custody of my nephew, simply because my sister can't handle parenting and she feels that he would have a much better life with us (which he does). She has a clean criminal record, does no drugs, and has a great job, but I am CONSTANTLY defending her from people who assume she must be some kind of monster, whereas nobody EVER asks about my nephew's father who is a felon who struggles with drugs, has no job and is constantly being dragged into court for not paying child support to his two kids from his other girlfriend. Compared to him she is a saint, but when people hear that I'm his aunt they only ever ask where his mother is and what her problem is. It's like people consider fathers to be expendable, and mothers to be inhuman saints.