Would this be wrong? (re: weaning)

[cndnveggie]

Let me preface this by saying that I had planned to do child-led weaning, and totally support it, and I'm not even sure if this idea would work - but wanted to get some feedback before I even attempt it.

DS, who will be 3 in under 2 weeks, nurses 3-4 times a day - when he wakes up, before nap, sometimes after nap (if he's super grumpy), and before bed. Maybe once at night, although that's rare now. Anyways, lately he has been quite obsessed with boo-boos and bandaids - the tiniest little boo-boo requires a bandaid, and if the bandaid comes off, the boo-boo immediately starts hurting and requires another bandaid I have been contemplating weaning him (I'll mention the reasons below), and so I'm wondering if I could take advantage of his current focus on boo-boos/bandaids by putting bandaids over my nipples and telling him that my nursies have boo-boos, and see if he's just okay with that. If he gets really upset, I wouldn't push it and would let him nurse - but part of me thinks he might just accept that reasoning and be fine with it. It's similar to something I did during potty-training - he was peeing in the toilet with no issue, but would only poo in a diaper. One day, I told him we didn't have any more diapers for poop, just for nighttime - and he was totally fine with that, and has gone poop on the toilet ever since with absolutely no problem. So I think the reason just made sense to him - and that's why I wonder if this bandaid on the nursies idea might work. But, I feel a little bad about being deceitful, and about basically going cold-turkey - as I said, I'm all for child-led weaning, and this obviously would not be that at all.

My reasons for considering weaning are mainly that we've been TTCing for 1.5 years, with no luck - and the next obvious step would be to wean him to see if it helps. Plus, it would be nice to not be nursing him to sleep (so that DH could get him to sleep sometimes), and also our start to the day would be much quicker (instead of spending 30-60 minutes nursing). But, the sentimental side of me is totally sad at the thought of ending the nursing relationship, and although he's 3 (and so I know we've had a great, long nursing period), he hasn't given any signs that he's about to initiate weaning on his own. So I'm definitely torn on the issue. However, the desire to expand our family is becoming more of a priority, since it's taking so long to get PG this time.

So anyways, what do you think? Worth a try (but I won't push it if it really upsets him - in no way do I want weaning to be traumatic for him!), or just let it happen when he's ready, under his terms?

[ewe+lamb]

Oh this is a diffcult situation - and really no one can tell you what to do, I'm not sure about the bandaids on your nipples, and you've covered my reason for it, could you tell him the truth? Would he be willing to help you in your quest to have another child? It would certainly be interesting to ask him, he may like a baby brother or sister and this would be his way of helping everything move along quicker - I don't know I'm just thinking off the top of my head here. Just my tuppence worth!!

[mrsdocmartin]

I think you know your child better than any of us! When I decided to wean ( a few months ago), I cut out one nursing session every week or two until we were down to just morning and night. Then it was just at night. I tried using the "we can nurse until this song is over" approach, and DS flipped out. It honestly caused him more stress than my simply cutting out a nursing session. I found that my son doesn't do well with too much preparation for the end of something. When I overprepare him, he gets very stressed. For example, he hates getting his hair washed. If I tell him at the beginning of the bath that we have to wash his hair, his whole bath is ruined because he is so stressed. If I give him 10 seconds warning, then he has 10 seconds of stress. My point is, that the bandaid thing might work for your son, but not another kid. And, is it deceitful? DO your nipples hurt, even a little?

[Baby_Cakes]

So...here's my two cents on this...

I think weaning this way could potentially be traumatizing. He looks to your boobs for comfort and though he may be ready in some ways to wean, thinking your boobs are hurt or damaged might really upset him.

I think you could compromise. Start weaning little by little -- mama led weaning. There's a support thread around here somewhere!

Again, just my two cents, but I think barring him from your boobs this way is just a little odd. I think kids understand things like, no nursing till bedtime, or no nursing till the sun comes up, etc. But to think that you're hurt or that his nursies are hurting might be a little hard for him to "get" and understand.

Good luck on this journey! <3

[cndnveggie]

Thanks for the comments! I haven't tried it yet, still not sure if I will. I agree with some of the concerns mentioned, and I'm also not sure I'm ready to wean anyways...

I have asked him if he wants a baby brother or sister, and he is quite adamant that he doesn't I'm not sure he understands what I mean, though - we don't see a lot of babies... I've also tried putting some gentle restrictions in place, but he isn't easy to negotiate with. I'm glad he started STTN on his own, because every time I tried to tell him that nursies were sleeping and we had to just cuddle instead, he got more upset!! And usually the only way I can get him to end early is with a "bribe", like a popsicle or something, which I hate doing often. Oh well, I know we'll get there!

Thanks again for the replies

[mama2toomany]

my dd is 5 and hasn't nursed in awhile. BUT she thinks more like a 3 year old. And I know if I told her something like that, she would probably be very sad about the whole thing, I think growing up should be a celebration!

Maybe explain to him what a big boy he is, and that you think he is so big he is ready for a baby brother or sister, and then tell him that nursing is going to change a little, maybe explain to him and say mamas body needs to rest at this time, but we can nurse again ___? I don't know, but I think slowly cutting back and explaining why would work way better.

I hope it all works out for you!

[myk]

i wouldn't say that your breasts are hurt/injured if they aren't. that might confuse him. i would focus on the fact that he's 3 now, he's a big strong boy! mommy makes milk for babies and wee little kids, since he's so big now mommy's body isn't going to make as much milk now, and it'll be just for night time (or whatever you decide). he might protest but he'll see the logic in that.

[TiredX2]

Well, how does DS respond to you being hurt? I know that the bandaids on the nipple technique does work (as in, the child is weaned) but for some children it is extremely distressing (something very important to them is injured or broken) and DS could worry that it was his fault in some way. Additionally, I would think if he does get upset so you remove the bandaids he might feel decieved.

Originally Posted by cndnveggie

My reasons for considering weaning are mainly that we've been TTCing for 1.5 years, with no luck - and the next obvious step would be to wean him to see if it helps.

This is probably obvious, but are you charting? Are you ovulating regularily and your luteal phase is the right length? Are you significantly underweight? When did AF return?

Good luck making a decision for your family.

[cndnveggie]

Originally Posted by TiredX2

This is probably obvious, but are you charting? Are you ovulating regularily and your luteal phase is the right length? Are you significantly underweight? When did AF return?

Good luck making a decision for your family.

I have charted about 1/3 of the cycles that we've been TTCing. I charted for 3 years prior to having DS, so I'm quite familiar with it and with my cycles. My cycles are regular, every time I've charted I've ovulated, and my luteal phase is short (10-11 days), but it was short when I got PG with DS, so I don't know if it's an isue or now. Definitely not underweight AF returned when DS was 9 months old and has been regular since.

So I'm quite sure I'm ovulating, and that we're timing things correctly. Both DH and I have been tested, and nothing appears wrong (semen analysis was good, my hormone levels were fine and confirmed ovulation). It's just that we're not conceiving. Not sure if weaning will help or not, but I can consider it more seriously as DS gets older...