Why do I CHOOSE Chaos? - Page 2

[allgirls]

For me, there is a constant battle between hating dirt/clutter/mess and cleaning...usually, after a while, the cleaning wins out.

So I invested in an iPod listen to books on tape or podcasts while I tidy and clean every day because I want my kids to have a happy attitude to work..I listened to my mother moan and groan about all the work she had and who wants to do that.

So I've made it more enjoyable

There is no disorder, there is no psychological secret..there is just a human desire to do what you want to do and house work isn't my thing.

[Limabean1975]

I'm with you, Kivgaen. Chiming in here in hopes of seeing more replies.

[mommyshoppinghabit]

Originally Posted by Kivgaen

I know how to get my house clean. I've done it before. I know how to get organized. I know that it takes time, commitment, and dedication.

And yet, I choose the chaos...

I know that when I see the mess and the dirt, it makes me feel like crap. I know that I can change that -- If I just committed to it, did little bits here, little bits there, etc., that it would improve. I would feel better. I would feel proud of what I accomplished.

I'll do it for a while. I'll feel good. I'll feel accomplished. But then I'll stop again. I'll let the chaos seep back into our lives.

Why do I choose the chaos?

I could have written this OP too. I recently recognized that surrounding myself w/chaos is a choice that I make.

Originally Posted by zoe196

argh, I could have written the OP's post. I have had the day off today, childfree and there is so much I coulda/woulda/shoulda done. Instead I have mooched about all day, relaxing but feeling guilty at the same time. I feel like for me, I don't like being all strict and authoritarian with myself but then it slides into apathy/laziness/inertia. And I feel so much better when I am NOT living in chaos. Chaos is not a place I thrive.

And I could have written that too. Every weekday, the children are in school for 4 hours and I do not have to go to work. I could choose to come home, tidy, do laundry, look for a job or think about going back to school but do I? Nope, most of the time, I catch up on what is on my DVR, look on Twitter, or do something else useless.

Originally Posted by Kivgaen

I hope someone can help us with answers...

I don't think physically it's an issue, although sometimes I do get tired of going up/down stairs with laundry, etc.

I've been speculating as to some reasons for this behavior... I'm not sure which of them fit most:

I know that I:
1) Have poor work habits and am disorganized
2) Feel overwhelmed
3) Want everything "perfect"
4) Would rather do anything else than clean

But I don't think any of those are the causes -- they are the symptoms...

What's behind it?

Is it depression? Low self-esteem? Fear of failure? Fear of success? Fear of Change? An identity crisis? A combination of all of the above?

I vote for identity crisis. I think I recently discovered that that is what it is for me. Egoically, I think I have trouble making peace w/the fact that I am not living a very cosmopolitan life, making a lot of money, doing a very creative job, wearing fancy clothes...not being a "housewife". I almost twinge at the fact that, yes, I technically could be called a "desperate housewife." And of course these are labels that I choose to throw on myself. I don't have to look at it this way. It's what they call subconscious programming. Whatever your subconscious ego has decided is good for you and what is happening in reality in front of you is clashing. And so the physical manifestation of this internal clash is that my house, and your house are a mess.

Originally Posted by allgirls

For me, there is a constant battle between hating dirt/clutter/mess and cleaning...usually, after a while, the cleaning wins out.

So I invested in an iPod listen to books on tape or podcasts while I tidy and clean every day because I want my kids to have a happy attitude to work..I listened to my mother moan and groan about all the work she had and who wants to do that.

So I've made it more enjoyable

There is no disorder, there is no psychological secret..there is just a human desire to do what you want to do and house work isn't my thing.

I second the iPod. Actually, I have the iPhone Pandora and LastFM apps, which saves me from having to look for songs to download and being limited to the ones saved on my iPod. You just feed into your profile a list of music that you do like and the software does the rest. When I do get to cleaning, I have to really rev up the music.

[Kivgaen]

I've been thinking more on this...

I've been seriously considering the ADD question, and also the "bored brain" theory.

I was working away this morning, perfectly content, doing my mindless chores of layout out my magazine for the June issue, and I just stopped mid article and came on here. I am also very seriously resisting the tempation to get up, walk over to the piano and practice my song for another 10-20 minutes.

I'm starting to believe that my brain really does need to be engaged more frequently.

...

I have to try to think of ways that I can stimulate my brain while still getting my work done. Perhaps I should start listening to some anti-procrastination self-help audio tapes while I am working -- maybe it would help me to stay focused on the task at hand.

[lolar2]

Have you done the Flylady trick where you set a timer for 15 minutes (or 10 or 20 or whatever floats your boat) and switch tasks every time it rings?

[mommyshoppinghabit]

Uggh, Flylady. I'm not going to totally knock her b/c she's obviously helped a lot of people, but I think changing from the inside out is going to lead to success over telling yourself OK from now on, this is what I'm going to do. Inner reality primary, outer reality secondary.

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by mommyshoppinghabit

Uggh, Flylady. I'm not going to totally knock her b/c she's obviously helped a lot of people, but I think changing from the inside out is going to lead to success over telling yourself OK from now on, this is what I'm going to do. Inner reality primary, outer reality secondary.

I tried Flylady and ultimately it didn't work for me. But I found her own personal story inspiring. I appreciate what she said about getting dressed including your shoes, and about why doing house work is valuable to your self worth.

[lolar2]

I meant specifically the timer thing. OP said that she gets distracted after 10-20 minutes, so I thought the timer thing might work for her.

[Kivgaen]

Originally Posted by mommyshoppinghabit

Uggh, Flylady. I'm not going to totally knock her b/c she's obviously helped a lot of people, but I think changing from the inside out is going to lead to success over telling yourself OK from now on, this is what I'm going to do. Inner reality primary, outer reality secondary.

I second your "Uggh" sentiment... but I understand what you are saying. I'm trying to focus on the "inner" while slowly chipping away at the outer reality. But I think I sometimes forget that my outer reality really does CHANGE the way I am feeling inside, either consciously or subconsciously. So trying to fix the outer is almost as important in my mind as fixing the underlying causes.

Yes, I've tried the timer thing. It actually did work for me. I stopped doing it because the kids would always play with my timer, and it got lost, broken, batteries went missing, etc... It just never stuck around long enough to make a big dent in things. I sort of gave up on using it (although I really did like the way that it beeped at the 5 and 10 minute marks when I set it for 15 minutes.) I do miss it... Maybe my kids are old enough now (and a bit more mature) and won't trash it?

I hate that my kids trash everything that I do. I guess that's another big struggle for me. whenever I do something that I'm proud of, it gets dis-respected and trashed. And I don't know how to respond. If I freak out, they do it more. If I stay calm but make them clean it up, and confiscate the offending tools, they sneakily find their way to get it and do it again. If I ignore it and clean it up when they aren't around, they do it again... I just don't know how to handle that situation. But that's a question for another forum, not this one...