I'm at the end of my rope with my mom. I love her dearly but some of her behaviors are just bizarre. We grew up in a "revolving door " house. Anyone who wanted to would just come over whenever, unannounced and uninvited. My mom has no boundaries and allows various imbalanced people to walk all over her. She is constantly doing things for other people, from driving random kids to school to letting people live with her. She has "adopted" many children( and adults!) over the years. She also takes in animals all the time, and has a lot of trouble letting items go. Her house is huge, but there is a good deal of clutter. Her obsession for helping people has cause a lot of friction between us. Mostly because some of these people are downright toxic and were always around when I was a kid and teenager making trouble. She does have some benevolent people who are just needy, but it still upsets me when I'm home, simply because there is no privacy in her house. I can't go downstairs in a bathrobe because there might be some random guy in the kitchen. Also she never seems to have a lot of time to spend with me and dd when I'm in town. She always has to do a favor for someone and either will drag me with her, or leave for the entire day.
When she comes to visit me things get even worse. She has a lot of trouble letting go and relaxing in my house. She will come in and take over. She'll cook and clean the whole time she's here. The kicker is that she doesn't always cook food that I can eat. She'll often cook meat for my dad or for my brother who lives in the same city as I do. She's also a terrible housekeeper. She's incredibly scattered and will forget to finish the various cleaning tasks she starts. For instance she always puts a load of laundry in the machine and forgets about it. Then I find a mildewy pile of wet clothes in my washer after she leaves. When she cooks she'll DESTROY my kitchen. I mean she'll leave stains on the counter tops, she lets things run over in the oven, she'll leave a huge mess and then accuse me of being anal. I've asked her to please not cook and clean when she's here, but she doesn't listen. I end up going into my room while she treats my home like a vacation home. Things came to head this weekend when she spent the whole time destroying my home and I got mad and told her that she isn't allowed to ever cook or clean in my house again(seriously it takes me days to clean up after her). Then she started crying and saying that she is only trying to help. UGH! I don't know how to handle this situation. I also don't understand why she does this. I've never heard of anyone who acts like this!
When she comes to visit me things get even worse. She has a lot of trouble letting go and relaxing in my house. She will come in and take over. She'll cook and clean the whole time she's here. The kicker is that she doesn't always cook food that I can eat. She'll often cook meat for my dad or for my brother who lives in the same city as I do. She's also a terrible housekeeper. She's incredibly scattered and will forget to finish the various cleaning tasks she starts. For instance she always puts a load of laundry in the machine and forgets about it. Then I find a mildewy pile of wet clothes in my washer after she leaves. When she cooks she'll DESTROY my kitchen. I mean she'll leave stains on the counter tops, she lets things run over in the oven, she'll leave a huge mess and then accuse me of being anal. I've asked her to please not cook and clean when she's here, but she doesn't listen. I end up going into my room while she treats my home like a vacation home. Things came to head this weekend when she spent the whole time destroying my home and I got mad and told her that she isn't allowed to ever cook or clean in my house again(seriously it takes me days to clean up after her). Then she started crying and saying that she is only trying to help. UGH! I don't know how to handle this situation. I also don't understand why she does this. I've never heard of anyone who acts like this!
