Frustrated - need some advice!

[Super~Single~Mama]

So we just switched ped's - the old one is now inconvenient for me (like, an hour on the bus away. NOT going to happen).

We have NEVER had a single dr. EVER even touch DS's penis. Not once. This dr tried to retract! WTH - I didn't let her. I told her before she took the diaper off not to, she tried to and I grabbed her hand gently and told her not to. She said that theres lots of smegma and so I should. I told her that wasn't true and that his foreskin did not need to be retracted.

What do I do now? I'm separated from DS's dad, and will mention this to him, but I don't know if he knows not to retract (although I can guarantee that he does not retract DS). I'll ask him to do some research if he hasn't already, but what can I do about the ped? I'm going to ask to see the other ped in the office and see if I like him better.

And, finally, if my ex doesn't want to do the research himself, what are some links that I can share with him??

TIA

[glongley]

Nobody needs to be going on a smegma hunt. Smegma is just shed skin cells from underneath the foreskin that have worked their way to the tip. It is not something pathological. It is a normal and benign substance. Visible smegma just indicates that separation is proceeding underneath. Little girls get it too in the folds of their labia. It is not necessary to scrub it out there either.

All you need to do is wipe off whatever crumbs of smegma make their way to the opening. When he is older and has discovered for himself that his foreskin retracts, you can have him rinse out underneath the foreskin occasionally.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

The only thing you can do with the new ped. is either request that she no longer touch your ds's penis at all and give her the information about retracting that shows what she is doing is wrong.

You can give the same info to your xh as well. The resources sticky has a ton of links with information on not retracting. Here are a few to start out.
AAP Stance and further explanation

Care of the Intact Penis

Foreskin Hygiene: The foreskin is easy to care for. The infant should be bathed or sponged frequently, and all parts should be washed including the genitals. The uncircumcised penis is easy to keep clean. No special care is required! No attempt should be made to forcibly retract the foreskin. No manipulation is necessary. There is no need for special cleansing with Q-tips, irrigation, or antiseptics; soap and water externally will suffice.

Correct and Incorrect Hygiene of the Baby's and Child's Intact(Non-circumcised)Penis

Another Care Link

Should the young child's foreskin be retracted for proper cleaning? At what age should the child's foreskin be retractable?

* Leave the foreskin alone; wash only what is external and readily visible.
* Never forcibly retract your son's foreskin and don't permit anyone else to do so.
* Make certain your son's medical attendants understand his foreskin is not to be retracted or tampered with.
* Always stay with your son during his doctor visits and exams.
* When teaching the child to bathe and care for himself, let the child retract his own foreskin if he wants to. He will not retract it beyond the point of discomfort.
* A child's foreskin does not need to be retracted regularly for cleaning until the end of puberty. It should not be retracted during early childhood.*

Correct and Incorrect Hygiene of the Baby's and Child's Intact Penis

Caring for the intact penis: What parents (and you) need to know

The most common misconception encountered in our practice is that the foreskin is completely retractable early in life and that complete retraction is necessary to keep the penis clean and prevent infection.

Penile Hygiene for Intact Males

Care before puberty

No special care is necessary.

The infant male has a non-retractile self-cleaning foreskin. In most boys no preputial space exists because the foreskin is fused with the glans penis. The tip of the foreskin is flushed out several times a day by sterile urine. The protective functions of the foreskin work best if it is left alone and not disturbed.

Parents and caregivers should wash only the outside. No attempt should be made to retract the foreskin. "Leave it alone" is good advice. Only the child will know when his foreskin can be retracted without pain and trauma,10 so the first person to retract the foreskin should be the child himself.

[Carlyle]

Hooray for you for being so educated and confident to stop your doctor. That's AWESOME. I think that printing some of the info from pp's and giving it to you pedi is a great idea. Even if you know enough to stop her from harming your son, others might not. By educating the pedi you can prevent her from hurting lots of other babies.

And if she wasn't open to reading any of the stuff, I'd probably try to file a complaint somewhere and then find a different doctor (maybe a family practice doc?), and give the office a note about why I was leaving.

[Carlyle]

Although I must add that this pedi does sound like a loser. To try to retract right after you'd specifically told her not to...without even saying anything first like "there's lots of smegma and I want to clean it out"...which is still wrong, but at least gives you a chance to say no before she's actually touching his penis!! That's crazy.

[serendipity22]

Originally Posted by Carlyle

Although I must add that this pedi does sound like a loser. To try to retract right after you'd specifically told her not to...without even saying anything first like "there's lots of smegma and I want to clean it out"...which is still wrong, but at least gives you a chance to say no before she's actually touching his penis!! That's crazy.

Sounds very arrogant.

[Greg B]

Sounds like you can't trust that doctor to be informed or to follow your instructions or wishes for treatment...

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by Greg B

Sounds like you can't trust that doctor to be informed or to follow your instructions or wishes for treatment...

I know. Unfortunately right now there isn't anything I can do about it.

On another note, my ex was receptive to hearing about why not to retract - and agreed that there isn't anything wrong with ds's penis so we don't need to start doing anything differently! So that was a relief. Anyway, we don't have much of a choice in dr's right now, but after my ex meets this dr we'll see what he things and talk about it.

thanks everyone!

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

You can always just have the hands off policy. The Dr. works for you after all and must abide by your rules. If you feel like the Dr. would suspect abuse then allow him to look under the diaper but no touching at all.

[PuppyFluffer]

Originally Posted by Greg B

Sounds like you can't trust that doctor to be informed or to follow your instructions or wishes for treatment...

Sadly, it's been my experience that a lot of the medical community is not trustworthy with following parental instruction.