WTH am I supposed to do????

[swd12422]

DS (2) is in his crib, crying to get out. He's alternately screaming bloody murder and just crying sadly. Either way, he's inconsolable. Why am I online, instead of comforting him, you ask? B/c he screams, "No, Mommy! Go away!" when I go in. He wants DH, who is at work. He knows DH is not here, but it doesn't matter.

I remind him periodically that I'm here if he wants Mommy, and he screams no some more, so there he is. How long do I let this go on? I feel awful that he's so sad, but know that if I do go in against his wishes, he'll really be unhappy.

WWYD?

[prancie]

can he talk on the phone to your DH?

[LionTigerBear]

I would pick him up and comfort him the best I could, anyway. DH and I both have done this often enough when one of our children is crying for the other parent, and the desired parent is unavailable. You sometimes get kicked in the face or scratched, lol, but I think it's what's best. It will strengthen your relationship in the long run, I think.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

I would try what LionTigerBear mentioned. Only because I can't take the sound of one of my kids crying for more then 5 minutes, whehter they want me or not.

Sorry you and your little guy are going through this. to both of you.

[liliaceae]

Hopefully you're working it out right now, but I would either go in there and try to hold him anyway, or maybe go in acting silly to try to distract him. I hope he's feeling better now.

[MeepyCat]

Oh god. How awful.

In my experience, toddlers and pre-schoolers can get into these ruts where they're upset and there's nothing to be done. The trick, sometimes, is not so much to comfort them as to get them out of the rut. You kind of have to help them change the channel.

What works depends on your kid. The following have worked for me:

1. Have a tantrum back. Go in there, sit on the floor and sob that you want daddy too. You had a long day and you're tired and daddy gives the best hugs and kisses and no one can read a story like daddy can! You want to be completely sincere. Hopefully, this will establish your sympathy while shocking the baby into ceasing to scream. Then maybe you can ask for a hug.

2. Ask if we should let the pigeon drive the bus. Sometimes changing the channel is that easy.

3. Change of venue. Go in, take him out of the crib, carry him to your room or the living room, sit down someplace comfy and see if things can get better there.

I hope something works. Good luck.

[swd12422]

Well, it's over.

In the past when this has happened, I've just gone in after once or twice and gotten him out anyway. He DOES NOT want any part of comfort at that point and it's pretty painful to wrestle him out of his dirty diaper and get outta there. Then he's STILL mad anyway.

So this time I gave him a little longer. I kept telling him I'd come in only if he wanted me, and we went several rounds b/c he wanted "out" and was also telling me to "get out" and with all the tears it was hard for me to understand whether he was asking me to get him out or telling me to go away. Unfortunately, that was NOT the time he needed to feel misunderstood on top of everything else!

I guess he finally realized his choices were to stay in the crib or let me in b/c he let me in shortly after I finished typing my OP. Then we talked a little bit about where Daddy was and I managed to get him interested in going outside. Of course, even then it wasn't "Okay, let's go!" but at least he stopped crying. Poor thing. I'm really trying hard to be gentle and patient with him and this kind of stuff drives me bananas. So I knew I was going to lose my patience and just didn't want that to happen. Thankfully, it didn't, and I knew you mamas would have some great suggestions. I definitely didn't want to continue letting him scream from another room, even if that did seem to be what he wanted.

I guess I should count myself lucky that at almost 2 1/2 he hasn't had too many major meltdowns yet, so I have time to prepare! (I guess he'll be in full swing at 3...)

[kimmypoo]

Next time it happens, maybe you could look at pictures and talk about Daddy with him. Or call him on the phone. Or pretend that dad is there with you.
I babysat a girl once who cried and cried for her mommy and when nap time came she couldn't sleep without her mom, so I laid down with her and told her to close her eyes and pretend that her mommy was right beside her. It worked. She went right to sleep. HTH.