7month old bad sleeper dh wants to cio

[zamia7]

The title says the jist of it. My lil man has been a terrible sleeper. He meets all 12 of Dr Sears criteria for a high need baby and needless to say has given us a run for our money. We have gone with the flow and the neediness is mostly at night now. He wakes all night long. We started some techniques from No Cry Sleep Solution, and the first week had great results. We even got one 5 hour stretch for the 3rd time in his life. Last week, the 2nd week, its started to go back to the way it was, though not quite as bad. (it was every 45 min-1hour, now is 1 1/2-2 1/2 hours at a time. We have tried everything under the moon, and I am so tired. DH is so tired. DH wants to do CIO. I think its borderline child abuse/neglect, and he thinks its "tough love" and works for every one elses kids. very frustrating. help.

[Adsullata]

Why does our culture insist that because babies wake up frequently, that makes them "terrible sleepers"? (Not knocking on you OP mama, but just a quick vent of my own frustration.) Babies are supposed to wake up in the night- it's a defense mechanism against SIDS, and to keep them alive and well. And remember, babies are not out of the woods for SIDS until after a year old.
mama- it's so hard though, being sleep deprived. It makes it so challenging to think clearly, doesn't it? Have you tried providing your dh with more info on CIO, like how it damages baby's developing brain? Really not good for development. Maybe this article will help? The Con of Controlled Crying There are more helpful articles on that site if you click on "Articles" at the top.

Also, I've found it helpful to learn more about baby and child development. It's amazing what is not widely known about developmental stages for children and how many mainstream, common practices are completely inappropriate from a developmental standpoint and can be detrimental to the child.

Maybe some more food for thought for your dh: Ask him to imagine he has become an invalid and cannot move well on his own, has few if any words left and really only mainly cry to communicate his needs. So, it's crying whether he's hungry, tired or cold or needs some companionship. Then ask him how he would feel if he was hungry in the night and his caregivers left him to cry because it was "time to sleep". Ask him to imagine how he would feel, with his stomach telling him he needed help and his cries being ignored.

One last point, what if your baby just needs some extra comforting and companionship and to know his parents are there? Why is this any less of a need than food or warmth or sleep? My dd had only slept thru the night (the 5 hours definition) about 4 or 5 times by the time she was a year old and she still doesn't always. Now she mostly has about a five hour stretch, but that's the longest and she's almost 2. What I don't regret is all the times I got to hold her in the night and it was just her and me and I'll never regret that for the rest of my life.

[JessieJune]

zamia7,
Have you tried co-sleeping? Have you tried cranial-sacral work? Those are two things that have worked for me at night.
Good luck and remember you are not alone!

[tangledblue]

This is some of the best advice I have ever read about CIO:
http://www.askmoxie.org/2006/06/babies_and_cio.html

We would nurse/rock/soothe our baby to sleep, but did not go in at every peep in the night--around this age, started giving her a minute or two to resettle and it often worked very well. Obviously, if she really woke up and/or seemed to be in distress, we went in. But we found that going in right away often just woke her up more & made her grumpier.

[Louisep]

OP, I have so been there, and still am sometimes. DS is high needs and here are the things that helped me through the toughest time (7-11 months):

- Co-sleeping and nursing all night long
- Napping with DS every. single. time
- Getting lie ins whenever I could (at best one hour in the week and 2-3 at the weekend)
- Cutting out caffeine and eating well
- Getting out and about however tired I felt (I was a SAHM at the time though)

We tried everything too (except CIO) and nothing made a jot of difference. CIO will NOT work with a HN babe - you know how they cry, can you imagine that all night long until they throw up and you give up?

If you can get some extra rest, you will feel so much more able to deal with this short patch in your babe's life. Maybe have your DH sleep in a different room if he's not supportive and get him to take your LO in the morning before he has to work (and definitely at the weekends).

Time moves by quickly and we're mostly in a much better place now.

Big hugs, I totally know how you're feeling.

[zamia7]

Thanks for the support. We were co-sleeping in a queen size bed. didnt work out for any of us. we put a full size mattress (our guest bed) on the floor next to ours, and that has improved things. as long as he does a few good stretches a week i can deal, but this has been going on since birth. He does sleep on the couch (DH) occasionally, but this new arrangement is working out ok. And the more I think about it he morei am sure it wont work. he doesnt cry he screams. I also ry not to complain to dh about sleep, then the topic doesnt come up. this mom thing can be very difficult