Not sure why I can't let this go...

[Kreeblim]

This might belong partially in unschooling.

Anyway, I'm having trouble wanting to meet other homeschooling parents. The year (our first doing this) has gone really well, and just for some background I would be putting the kids in a Sudbury school if there were one here. There isn't, so I always knew we'd homeschool. We are way more free-form than any of the homeschoolers I know, but we use alot of schooly words and activities, so I don't feel like we totally fit in as unschoolers.

The kids go to many classes, all of which they are totally excited about. One kid is into any sport that uses a ball, and has taken tennis, baseball, soccer etc. The other kid HATES those things and takes karate, which he talks about ALL WEEK LONG. They both have been into various music, art, and zoo classes on top of it (All of which they regard as a treat. Having never had to sit in a classroom all day they don't understand why their cousin hates class )

The problem is that anytime I get into some situation where I have to talk to the other home/unschooling parents, I feel judged. Last time I was making small talk about my frustration in the changing location of one kid's class, and this mom who doesn't know me or my kids at all says "You know, they don't HAVE to be in a class. They're kids...they can just PLAY."

I do understand that, but what do I do when my kid wants to do something that I have no interest in, and no skill in (like tennis for instance)? Do I tell him "nope, sorry, go play freeze tag" when we have ample access to affordable and fun classes where he can hang out with other kids his age who enjoy the same stuff? This has literally been eating at me for over a week. My kids are happy...so why do I care so much? I'm starting to actively avoid activities where the parents have to stay, but don't get to participate because I'll have to talk to other parents. Doesn't help that I'm introverted to begin with.

[Viola]

Originally Posted by Kreeblim

Last time I was making small talk about my frustration in the changing location of one kid's class, and this mom who doesn't know me or my kids at all says "You know, they don't HAVE to be in a class. They're kids...they can just PLAY."

I'm sorry, that is really annoying. I think you should have responded with what you said here.

[Needle in the Hay]

I don't understand why people say stuff like that. She thinks she knows what's best for your kids and it sounds like she barely knows you. My first thought is that maybe she's insecure about something.

FWIW, my son (8.5 yo) has always unschooled and has been enjoying swim lessons since September, loves cooking workshops and wishes they occurred more often, wants to try roller skating and fencing classes this summer and will also try a 3 hour-long zoo camp or two. And he has lots of time to play or relax however he wants.

[momtokea]

I find homeschoolers to be a very diverse group. Often the only thing we have in common is the fact that we homeschool. Most of them are very opinionated, too (and very vocal about their opinions). I have a few homeschool friends, but I've learned to just stay quiet about certain topics. I don't really fit in with any particular group. I'm either too religious or not religious enough, too granola or not granola enough, too schooly for some groups or too unschooly for other groups, we take too many classes or not enough classes, I'm either too strict about the movies we watch or not strict enough. It all depends who I am talking to.

I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I really don't have any advice. I've mostly given up searching for homeschool friends and have started looking for people who have similar interests whether they homeschool or not.

[mattemma04]

She is right in that your kids can just play,but YOU know they NEED more hence the classes.

Isn't it frustrating when you think of responses later that would have been soooo good at that moment? I think writing about it or talking to someone will help you get that annoyance feeling out of you.

Sounds like your kids are doing well.The differences are so neat! And yes I agree that getting them to the claases/places they want to be can be annoying!

You could always take a book or mag to lessen the chance of having to make small talk.

[jplain]

My friends are all unschoolers. We're not, though we're definitely relaxed. I just don't talk about schooly stuff. One of them asks me about it once in a while, in a friendly, interested way, but I prefer not to discuss it. (DD on the other hand, announced to our friends that she was learning how to read r-controlled vowels the other day. )

I'm not sure how I'd have responded to what that mom said to you about activities. It would have greatly annoyed me too. She may have thought she was being helpful by suggesting a solution to your frustration. But you weren't looking for solutions; all you really wanted was for someone to hear you.

And I second the book or magazine suggestion. I used that tactic to make waiting for my kids to get out of dance class (not a hs'er class) more tolerable.

[Black Orchid]

I feel the same way sometimes! It often feels like when I'm talking about something, the other person feels they have the "answer", "if we just did it their way", etc. The whole reason for homeschooling (for me, anyway) is that I don't feel that there is an "answer" or "one *right way"!

To top it off, my younger daughter goes to preschool. Mostly so I can have time with my older daughter is who learning-hungry, but also because she likes it. She is talking about when she "gets to ride the bus" and I'm starting to wonder if homeschooling is right for her, too... People look at me like I'm an alien when I mention that I might put her in PS...

Anyway, sorry to hijack... just wanted you to know that you aren't alone. I sometimes feel like I'm in a bubble... can't tell people who have kids in school that I'm homeschooling because they judge and can't talk homeschooling/unschooling with families who do those things because they won't think I'm approaching it right.

Gag, why can't people just allow others to have their own experiences?

[2xy]

Smile and say, "Oh, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. I was just venting, not looking for advice." Then change the subject.

Been there, done that. I've know some unschoolers who are practically evangelical. FWIW, I consider us to be unschoolers; radical unschoolers do not agree with me.

[tammyw]

Where do you live? My kids LOVE taking different classes. They also love to play a lot (and do) but that would not be enough for them. Right now, my DD takes ballet, piano, swimming, etc. In the past, she has tried MANY classes. If she likes them, she continues, if she doesn't, we stop. My son, who isn't yet 4, is just now starting swimming. I'm trying to think of some good things for him to try when we move to San Diego this summer. I've always believed in lots of extra classes, especially when they enjoy them so much.

I definitely think that one of the fabulous things about homeschooling is that we all get to do what feels right! There is no ONE way and no right answer. How lucky our kids are that we can tailor everything to how they learn best (and also methods that suit us as parents as well).

I find it can be hard to make REALLY good friends, but I'm happy when I have just a couple really close friends, and it's so worth it when you do (the frustrating part comes in starting over when we move). It might just take more time to find the person/friend who fits you, but definitely don't rule out all homeschoolers. I bet there is someone out there who is looking for someone and thinking the same as you!

[One_Girl]

I hate feeling like I am being judged and don't really belong in a group. When I stick with a friendship, I have found that it takes a lot of time to really get to know someone and to be able to gauge whether they are venting or seeking advice or a combination of both. Maybe she thought you wanted advice that would let you justify not bringing your children to the classes anymore.

[FireWithin]

I think that is one of the beauties of homeschooling/unschooling. Kids can take a handful of classes and still have hours each day for play and chill time.