An Alternative to "No"

[JessieJune]

My baby is 10 months old and starting to walk which helps him get into everything (and try to eat it)! I don't want to completely baby proof our home because I think he needs to learn self discipline. I know 10 months is too young to really "understand" and thus, all really dangerous things are completely out of reach but what about the greasy sliding door track? Or that bit of laundry fuzz on the carpet? Or the occasional rock tracked in by the front door (who really has time to sweep twice a day, anyway?)? I feel like every time I turn around I'm saying no. What other words or tactics have people used?

Also, when does the eating-every-tiny-little-crumb-or-grain-of-sand-on-the-floor stage end?!

[twinergy]

Here is an article from Dr. Sears:
18 WAYS TO SAY "NO" POSITIVELY

[tangledblue]

I would usually say something like "That's not food! We don't eat that!" (In a gentle, silly-but-serious voice) or "It's ok to look at that, but don't put it in your mouth. Not in your mouth." And then, if it seemed like it was hunger rather than curiosity, offer a snack. I think it helped a lot.

Often I would take it away and replace it with something else, either a piece of actual food or a teething toy. This actually became a bit of a game for a while, where she'd pretend to put something inappropriate in her mouth, and then giggle at me when I fished around for it. At least it meant she knew what she was supposed to eat or not...

For us, this phase lasted from about 8-12 mo, and after that she almost never put anything that's not food in her mouth (knock wood). Things that look like food (e.g. random berry-like things on the ground) are still a risk occasionally. Was so glad when that phase ended.

[mamazee]

It didn't last long with my first, but my second is still putting absolutely everything in her mouth at 15 months, and there's no sign of it stopping anytime soon. It's very individual.

10 months is indeed way too young to learn self disicpline no matter whether you babyproof or not. I think babyproofing is largely for the parents' sanity, so you don't have to continually take things out of your baby's mouth, but it also takes away some frustration for the baby because he/she isn't having things taken away all the time. I would personally reconsider the babyproofing thing.

[leigh09]

Originally Posted by mamazee

10 months is indeed way too young to learn self disicpline no matter whether you babyproof or not. I think babyproofing is largely for the parents' sanity, so you don't have to continually take things out of your baby's mouth, but it also takes away some frustration for the baby because he/she isn't having things taken away all the time. I would personally reconsider the babyproofing thing.

I agree. I didn't say no a lot to my children at that age, because there wasn't a lot of trouble for them to get into. Things are low-stress around here, pretty much if they could get into it, it was ok.

[Minxie]

Originally Posted by JessieJune

My baby is 10 months old and starting to walk which helps him get into everything (and try to eat it)! I don't want to completely baby proof our home because I think he needs to learn self discipline. I know 10 months is too young to really "understand" and thus, all really dangerous things are completely out of reach but what about the greasy sliding door track? Or that bit of laundry fuzz on the carpet? Or the occasional rock tracked in by the front door (who really has time to sweep twice a day, anyway?)? I feel like every time I turn around I'm saying no. What other words or tactics have people used?

Also, when does the eating-every-tiny-little-crumb-or-grain-of-sand-on-the-floor stage end?!

If you don't want to babyproof the whole house, at least do one room where you all spend the majority of your time. I didn't babyproof the whole house but my son's room was centrally located (small house) so I babyproofed his room. He had a safe place to play and I didn't have to worry so much about him putting things in his mouth.

I agree with the PP who used a gently silly voice to say, "We don't eat that; it isn't food!" I've also said things like, "We only eat food." The other thing I did is not worry so much about him eating dryer lint; it isn't going to kill him and he disliked the taste enough to not try it twice. Of course, you have to use common sense; dryer lint might not hurt him but a rock probably would.

[mom2grrls]

10 mths is too young to be thinking about self discipline, their job is to be curious and explore and if you can make the environment safer for him to do that, then why not?

[sapphire_chan]

If you care about it, baby-proof it. Just like you aren't going to get a baby to walk any faster by refusing to carry them, you aren't going to get them to have impulse control any faster by refusing to move stuff out of their way.

That said, don't baby-proof everything, just follow him around and baby-proof things that bother you to deal with and/or are dangerous.

As for alternatives to "no", tell your LO what to do instead of what not to do. E.g. "the books stay on the shelf, help me put the books back on the shelf" instead of "don't touch the books" (and DON'T expect help with putting whatever it is away. Your LO might help, which is awesome and sooo much fun to watch, but DO NOT expect it.)

[JessieJune]

Thanks so much for all the great advice!!

[Minerva0302]

The Dr. Sears article is great! I'm going to use some of those suggestions for my 15 month old. I try to limit the NOs but it's so hard!...and she's started shaking her head no at me which really freaks me out.

Dr.Sears number 5 says to "teach stop sounds" which we've sort of done. I make an ahh ahh nose that she really responds to now. But sometimes I feel like this is really just a replacement "no."

[47jennifer]

With my 13 month old I say "leave it" for things I don't want him to pick up or touch. It works...sometimes. Now that the weather is nicer and we're outside, there are all kinds of new things for him to pick up and shove in his mouth..rocks, sand, and the contents of our recycling bin are all good ones. I try and say "leave it" and then redirect him, but it's easier inside (babyproofed) than outside!

[Minxie]

Originally Posted by 47jennifer

With my 13 month old I say "leave it" for things I don't want him to pick up or touch. It works...sometimes. Now that the weather is nicer and we're outside, there are all kinds of new things for him to pick up and shove in his mouth..rocks, sand, and the contents of our recycling bin are all good ones. I try and say "leave it" and then redirect him, but it's easier inside (babyproofed) than outside!

My four-year-old has been experimenting with tasting dirt and rocks this spring. I shrugged it off and he quickly found out they didn't taste so good!

(The above is not intended as a suggestion to let a younger child try it; just a story I remembered due to your post).

[sgmom]

At 10 months old, I believe it's more about keeping them safe than instilling discipline with use of the word "no". Kids learn by doing, not by being told what not to do.

I HATE HATE HATE the "crumb on the floor" stage, so I vacuumed a lot. But I also didn't worry as much about crumbs, as I did about other things that could be choking hazards or something that might make her sick. I was very careful about picking up any larger pieces of food that fell to the floor (I wouldn't want her to eat a day old bite size piece of meat from yesterdays sandwich), and just made sure to keep the house as clean as possible. One of the most common ways toddlers learn about their environment is by putting things (everything) to their mouths.

The only time I use the word "no" is if something really was dangerous. And then I would follow it up by telling her what she's doing is dangerous, then redirecting her to something safer.

Her first word (used correctly) said at around 9 months, was "ucky". She would pick just about anything up off the floor, and bring it to me to tell me it was "ucky".

She's now 19 months and is big on exploring outdoor environment. She LOVES rocks. Thank goodness that none of them have gone into her mouth yet (she carries them around in her hand), but we still have to keep a very close eye on her when she's outside. Even though she's so good at bringing everything to us (she hates when her hands get dirty too so she'll always come to us asking for help to clean them off).

It takes a long time before we can trust them to keep themselves safe, and the most we can do right now is to help them and guide their way.

[Greenlea]

One thing we do with our 13mth old son to keep things out of his mouth is instead of telling him no, we rub our finger down from under his nose while pushing the item he had in his mouth away while saying "out". No we can just say out and he'll remove the item from his mouth.

[frontierpsych]

We use a lot of these "framing things positively" types of language with our DS. He is now 20 months old and says about 30 words, not one of them is 'no'.

[haurelia]

Our son is 15 months old, walking, running, climbing, tasting, exploring. We do a lot of the "that's not for babies, but you can play with this instead" tactic. We tell him what we want him to do, not what he can't do. For example, he wants to stand up in the tub...we say "sit down please" about 100 times per bath, and he does it each time. That makes more sense to us than "no standing up in the tub."
We live with my grandma temporarily right now, and she tells him "NO" all the time, which is really frustrating. She's also unwilling to allow us to babyproof so I am pretty much "on" full time, hustling to keep him entertained with things that are safe and okay for him to have. We spend A LOT of time outside playing, or taking long hikes with the dog. Thankfully, we're getting our own place in a few weeks.

When DS gets frustrated at being removed from a situation, or something taken away from him, I almost always manage to tell him that I understand he's frustrated, but that could hurt him, or isn't a toy, or is dirty (dog poop) or whatever. He seems to listen, I dunno. I do try to make silly noises or toss him around a little, or do a tickle when I have to pick him up to move him away from something...he likes that.