My husband was offered an amazing job 850 miles away!

[AtYourCervices]

Since the economy went downhill, my husband has been having a hard time finding a job in his field, despite having great references, educational, and work experience. For almost a year he's been working a job that doesn't utilize his skills, making less than half of what he was making just 3 years ago. He's working third shift, he's depressed, and it's been putting stress on our marriage.

Recently, he was offered an AMAZING job, doing exactly what he wants to do, making FOUR TIMES what we made combined last year (both working full time). He'd work at the office 2-3 days a week, and work from home the other 2-3 days. I'd be able to stay at home with the kids, and focus on school. I'm going to school to be a midwife, and my schooling allows me to live anywhere. If he doesn't take the job, I'm worried we won't be able to afford my schooling for much longer.

The problem is the job is 850 miles away. I've visited the city once before, on vacation, and I absolutely hated it. I've been looking into suburbs around the city, and found one that I could possibly tolerate.

The BIGGEST problem is I have three children with my ex husband. I have placement of one of the three children, and my ex has placement of the other two. I'm concerned about moving away from my children. I'm worried about taking my daughters away from their brother & sister. I don't think it would be a good idea to get placement of the other two children and take them with. My ex won't move with us, unfortunately.

We could wait for a job to come up in his field more locally (who knows if/when that's going to happen), however those jobs would maybe pay half of what he's being offered now, and he wouldn't be able to work from home. In the meantime, while we wait, our marriage is suffering, and I might have to drop out of college (I can't get financial aid or loans).

The other problem is this job is in a state where I wouldn't necessarily be able to practice midwifery with the degree I'm getting. However, I'd be able to go to Nursing school, and become a CNM, then I'd be able to practice. It's so much more schooling, though! In the meantime, I'd have to commute to practice in a nearby state.

The job starts this summer, so we have plenty of time to talk this over, and decide.


HELP!

[Dmitrizmom]

honestly... I'd move (and negotiate something with the ex for your children that live with him).

How much longer do you have in your program? If more than a couple years, it is entirely possible that by the time you are ready to have your own practice that you will be living somewhere else where you don't have to be a CNM to practice.

It is a tough decision, and I don't envy you. and best wishes.

[Chamomile Girl]

If you don't mind me asking, what is the new city? Maybe there are some folks on the board who can give you tips about the specific place.

I don't have your specific kid situation, but I just moved 2000 miles twice in two years for my husband's job. Its do-able. In some fields you really have to jump on whatever is there when you can.

[Oliver'sMom]

That's a really tough decision! However, I lean more towards taking the job and moving. This sounds like a great opportunity that could lead to more job options closer to your children in the future. Life situations always shift and change. In this economy, I'd take what I could get.

[AtYourCervices]

The new job is in Atlanta, GA. We're in New York state. I have a little more than 2 more years left on my B.S.

[Minxie]

This might sound a bit crazy but...since he will be making four times as much, have you all considered having him commute? He could easily find an inexpensive studio apartment for the two or three days he has to work there and fly home for the two or three that he works from home (and the weekend, of course). Just another option...

[AtYourCervices]

Minxie,

I already brought up that possibility, and he vetoed it.

[basje]

Some good news about Atlanta

That is a big move but, I lived in Atlanta for five years and I uber CRUNCY and can tell you there is a very liberal pocket, with non-vaxing, co-sleeping, organic eating mamas. There is also am amazing amount of social justice activism in Atlanta! Might I suggest you move to Dectur near the downtown? Ideally if you could find a house in Oakhurst near Agnes Scott. PM me if you want more details as I know the area well.

[jeteaa]

You could live where you want to live, be close to your kids and your dh could fly btw work and home. There are some really cheap flights these days...

[noobmom]

For me, moving to an area I dislike is so insignificant it's not even on my radar screen compared to the issue with the children. How old are the kids? I don't think I could move that far from my children and it wouldn't be fair to your ex or the kids to try to get custody of them all to move them with you. I don't envy the decision you have to make. I would suggest perhaps having your husband try the commuting thing before making any long term decisions.

[soso-lynn]

Your kids could travel to see you, NY to Atlanta is really not that huge of a trip. Depending on their age and the relationship you have with your ex, it might end up being great for everyone.

Also, depending on the exact field your husband works in, this new job could end up being a gateway to something else in a different location. Looking for a higher paying, more flexible job tends to be easier when you already have one that fits that requirement.

[Momily]

One thing that would make a difference to me would be the age of your two children not living with you, and the current custody and visitation schedule.

[AtYourCervices]

I don't know how we're going to do this, but I'm encouraging him to accept the job. It's still several months away, so it's only theoretical in my mind. With the amount of money he'd be making, it is feasible for us to move down there, and since I won't necessarily have to work, I can always take trips back here to see the other two kids quite often. BTW, they're 7 and 11 years old. I'll still be able to have them with me on school breaks. I'm thinking we might be able to do this...

Thank you so much, ladies. I know I haven't given as much feedback after the original post as I should have, but please know I have been thinking about everything you have said and keeping it in consideration.

[KatWrangler]

Originally Posted by AtYourCervices

Minxie,

I already brought up that possibility, and he vetoed it.

Do not commute. Keep your family intake as best you can.

[mamalisa]

It's not 850 miles, but my dh just took a job 4 hours away from our family. No flying, since he's working in the armpit of IL. As it stands we do not want to move from our home. But with the economy the way it is, jobs like this (same salary he was downsized from 10 months ago, with full benefits and what not) are few and far far far between. An opportunity to make a better living, right now, is hard to come by and we decided we couldn't pass this up. Dh is gone Monday through Friday, home on the weekends and lives in a dinky studio during the week. The weekends are a whirlwind of fun family things, things we have to do and trying to relax. It sucks, but it's what we have for now. Ideally he will get transferred soon, but who knows.

[momofmine]

There is no way I could move that far away from my children at that age. That would be the deal breaker for me.

[philomom]

Atlanta has several colleges and Emory has a school of midwifery.

The crunchy spot is Decatur. It is the blue peaceful little lake in a large red state. Pretty weather but very hot and humid. Tornadoes, thunderstorms and very little winter.

But yeah, I wouldn't break up my family to go. Talk to your ex.. see if there is any latitude there. Also, house or apartment shop online to get a feel for things.

Good luck.