need some encouragement

[catinthehat]

Hey Mamas,
Just feeling down on myself today. You know those days when you just question everything you are doing, have done, etc. My kids are fighting all the time. From sun up to sun down. They scream at each other. It is so hard to be around all the time. And I totally feel like it is all my fault. Then my dd2 won't play by herself at all. She is totally needy, always begging to watch tv, always screaming, and I feel like it is all my fault.
I didn't play with my kids at all today, I was totally mean and grouchy all day. I am totally burnt out. I am with them all the time, rarely get a break. And I honestly don't feel like playing with them, or talking to them anymore. I want to do my own things. I want to be selfish, and I guess I was today. And I still don't feel better.
So I feel tremendously guilty. Because I love them so much, and I have been such a horror to be around today. And because I put the tv on way to much for dd2, and because I feel like a failure of a mother.
I think this is just burn out. Not enough me time over the past 5 years, and no close freinds around, and a very absent husband. Everything should be so good right now. We finally have some money, we have a house, dd1 is in school, things should be okay. But it still is so hard.
That is all I guess. Just feeling down today.

[WeasleyMum]

I'm sorry. I think we all have days like that, I know I do. You sound like a great mom... think how many parents would just automatically have the TV on for the kids, just to have peace and quiet-- even if it's on all day long! Is there any way you can get some help, or a break? Do you have any mom-friends IRL that could come hang out with you at your house, or a park or something, just so that you can vent and share, and talk to another adult?

[tzs]

hi there. i just popped into the sahm thread today b/c i have also been feeling really burnt (and i've only been doing it 7 months with one kid...one really "easy" kid so there's really no excuse. ugh.)

anyway, could you "take a break" for yourself with the kids today? do something that you'd normally do but with them? i'm thinking go to a coffee shop and get drinks, bring books or coloring...
sometimes kids love to do "adult" things and you can at least get a change of pace, get out of the house, be in the vacinity of other adults.

hope today is better.

[Harmony08]

Is it any better today??

[journeymom]

Catinthehat, how old are your kids? I suggest you read Siblings Without Rivalry

[Tigerchild]

You know, honestly the last year before all my kids were in school all day was actually the hardest. I *was* burnt out. (I had my twins 17 months after my DD was born, so that was some intense parenting for a loooong time). I was consumed with guilt because I really was scraping the bottom of the barrel as far as being able to offer emotional support and patience, while at the same time freaked out over the transition, worried that I wasn't feeling guilty enough about soon SAHing without my kids all day, ect.) It's kind of like when you know you are getting a promotion and you anticipate that things are going to change soon so you notice how sick you are about certain aspects of your old job (that you have to keep doing up until the day you move on), while having mixed feelings about things changing...

Everyone anticipates that things get better when the kids are beginning the school age--to be really honest with you, it was more difficult for me until this year, when my YOUNGESTS are now in school full day, and even so I was so freaked that I wouldn't know what to do with myself that I said yes to everything and now I'm worn down and overcommitted.

However, now that *all* of my children are more self-sufficient, or less dependent on me-just-me, I am finally refilling/recharging myself. You will get there too! You are tired for a reason! I think in many ways that transitional period into school-age childhood is almost like going through babyhood again...lots of adjustments, lots of energy, schedule juggling, new fears/worries, stick-a-fork-in-me-I'm-done...

You are doing awesome. Maybe carve out a little more time for you if you can! Siblings arguing is not a bad reflection on your kick-butt-mama-fu, I promise.

Are they physical with each other? If they are not, you might want to experiment checking out. My kids LOVE to freakin' argue about everything (gee, wonder where they inherited that from, huh?), so I told them to have fun but they needed to do it where I couldn't hear, and if I had to get involved because they put hands on each other or got emotionally dangerous, they would not like the result. That helped my stress level immensely, to take off the referee shirt. That might be more appropriate for older kids, though. But you are allowed to have "Mommy Time Outs" too!