DD is 3.5. For the last 2 weeks or so, she's been having many tantrums a day. Initially I thought she might be getting sick, or had not slept well one night or something, but it's not letting up. There have been no changes to diet, sleep routines, lifestyle, home environment, etc. We do have an 8 month old baby...
Here's an example: I was changing the baby's diaper and asked DD1 to go get the baby's pants and the snappi I'd left in another room. DD1 cheerfully went to get them, saying something about liking to help. She came back grinning and handed me the snappi. I thanked her and continued the diaper change. She swung the pants violently, hitting me hard, and then threw them against the wall
. I took the pants, held them for a moment before I was ready to put them on the baby. In that time, DD1 threw a complete fit about wanting the pants back - screaming, hitting, trying to pull me down, kicking me, etc 
AFAIK, I'm not leaving out any trigger before this incident. I simply walked out of the room with the baby and closed myself in another room with the baby. I may have said something about keeping myself and the baby safe or being with her when she's settled down some - lines I use often lately.
Once we were gone, DD1 pretty quickly settled down and played happily solo in her room. We had planned to go play in the back yard before the tantrum. DD2 asked to nurse and unexpectedly fell asleep at the breast. I went back out, sleeping baby in arms, and asked DD1 if she still wanted to go outside and play. I said we could go outside as soon as I rotated laundry. I told DD1 that if she wanted, she could head outside while I did the rotation (she doesn't usually like to be in the back yard alone, but sometimes 5 minutes while I'd doing a quick thing inside is ok and I wanted to let her go out if she wanted). I went to open the heavy storm door so she could go out if she chose. She again flipped out, kicking, screaming, and trying to pull the door closed by the bottom hinge (which would have really hurt her if I let go). I assured her that she didn't have to go out before me, and worked on getting things to a physically safe point. DD1 continued to tantrum while I carried the (now awake and crying) baby into the laundry room to rotate laundry.
Once alone, she again settled rather quickly. I rotated laundry and came out. I said I was hungry (by now it was nearly an hour after I'd initially intended to go outside) and suggested we do a snack before heading out. DD1 happily agreed and we had a simple snack (cheese, crackers, and fruit I think). We played outside for about 1.5 hours, with an almost tantrum when she suggested we go for a walk and I misunderstood where she wanted to walk. Going inside for "quiet time" was another tantrum (I ended up carrying her inside). Once inside, she was calm and fine again FYI, quiet time is time when she can do whatever she wants in her bedroom, the playroom, etc alone and I nurse the baby and let her get a quiet nap. DD recently did a stint of napping again during quiet time, but I don't push the issue ever. She dropped naps about 6 months ago. We've had this routine going for at least 4 months, and it's generally pretty smooth. She seems to really enjoy the solo play time, and she and I really need that bit of space from each other.
I've tried to talk to her about all of this when she's calm, but I'm not getting anywhere. She's very uncomfortable talking about it, and rather unresponsive. She's very very verbal and articulate. I'm trying to give her more positive and one on one attention - holding her in my lap, reading books, etc. I'm also trying to get her outside more.
Is this just a phase? Maybe related to hormones and/or a growth spurt? I'd be happy for her to start napping again, but she's always been a sleep fighter and I don't know how I could get her to sleep if she didn't want to. The tantrums seem completely out of the blue to me. Sometimes they're the obvious control stuff like not wanting to go inside, but not as a rule. Also, sometimes she's surprisingly easy going about that stuff.
Here's an example: I was changing the baby's diaper and asked DD1 to go get the baby's pants and the snappi I'd left in another room. DD1 cheerfully went to get them, saying something about liking to help. She came back grinning and handed me the snappi. I thanked her and continued the diaper change. She swung the pants violently, hitting me hard, and then threw them against the wall
. I took the pants, held them for a moment before I was ready to put them on the baby. In that time, DD1 threw a complete fit about wanting the pants back - screaming, hitting, trying to pull me down, kicking me, etc AFAIK, I'm not leaving out any trigger before this incident. I simply walked out of the room with the baby and closed myself in another room with the baby. I may have said something about keeping myself and the baby safe or being with her when she's settled down some - lines I use often lately.Once we were gone, DD1 pretty quickly settled down and played happily solo in her room. We had planned to go play in the back yard before the tantrum. DD2 asked to nurse and unexpectedly fell asleep at the breast. I went back out, sleeping baby in arms, and asked DD1 if she still wanted to go outside and play. I said we could go outside as soon as I rotated laundry. I told DD1 that if she wanted, she could head outside while I did the rotation (she doesn't usually like to be in the back yard alone, but sometimes 5 minutes while I'd doing a quick thing inside is ok and I wanted to let her go out if she wanted). I went to open the heavy storm door so she could go out if she chose. She again flipped out, kicking, screaming, and trying to pull the door closed by the bottom hinge (which would have really hurt her if I let go). I assured her that she didn't have to go out before me, and worked on getting things to a physically safe point. DD1 continued to tantrum while I carried the (now awake and crying) baby into the laundry room to rotate laundry.
Once alone, she again settled rather quickly. I rotated laundry and came out. I said I was hungry (by now it was nearly an hour after I'd initially intended to go outside) and suggested we do a snack before heading out. DD1 happily agreed and we had a simple snack (cheese, crackers, and fruit I think). We played outside for about 1.5 hours, with an almost tantrum when she suggested we go for a walk and I misunderstood where she wanted to walk. Going inside for "quiet time" was another tantrum (I ended up carrying her inside). Once inside, she was calm and fine again
FYI, quiet time is time when she can do whatever she wants in her bedroom, the playroom, etc alone and I nurse the baby and let her get a quiet nap. DD recently did a stint of napping again during quiet time, but I don't push the issue ever. She dropped naps about 6 months ago. We've had this routine going for at least 4 months, and it's generally pretty smooth. She seems to really enjoy the solo play time, and she and I really need that bit of space from each other.I've tried to talk to her about all of this when she's calm, but I'm not getting anywhere. She's very uncomfortable talking about it, and rather unresponsive. She's very very verbal and articulate. I'm trying to give her more positive and one on one attention - holding her in my lap, reading books, etc. I'm also trying to get her outside more.
Is this just a phase? Maybe related to hormones and/or a growth spurt? I'd be happy for her to start napping again, but she's always been a sleep fighter and I don't know how I could get her to sleep if she didn't want to. The tantrums seem completely out of the blue to me. Sometimes they're the obvious control stuff like not wanting to go inside, but not as a rule. Also, sometimes she's surprisingly easy going about that stuff.
