Motoring Blues

[AustinKate]

I'd always heard that if you put a baby in the stroller or take a ride in the car that it will be like some magic balm to calm the kid down. Not my DS, though - he seems to *hate* being in that car seat. I've given up going for walks with him in the stroller, and just plop him in the Ergo. But there's nothing I can do about the car - we have to get in it, and he has to be strapped in. Even when I time it so he's eaten recently and I know he has a clean diaper, he will only tolerate it for so long before he starts screaming. I can do short trips around the city, but anything longer than that - and God forbid we get stuck in traffic - and he's beside himself.

Has anyone else had this experience? And if so, did your child grow out of his or her hatred of the car seat? My family lives in New England, so we will have to fly to see them, but flying may be better since I can take him out of the seat during the flight. But my in-laws live in Houston, and driving for three hours with a baby screaming much of that trip is really, really hard.

[Rodeo Mama]

DS1 was like that from about 4 months till 7 or 8 months old, I think. We had to go on a 9 hour trip during that phase, so I can commiserate. Once we switched DS1 to a convertible seat that helped a bit. He seemed to just gradually calm down.
None of my kids have been too fond of the stroller till they were a lot bigger. I wore them pretty much everywhere for the first 6 months and then they started sitting in the stroller better sometimes. We just went to the zoo this week and I took the double stroller and ended up wearing Wyatt in the mei tai almost the whole time.

[NicoleS]

Are you using a bucket or a convertible? Most of the kids I know that screamed initially did a lot better when they got upgraded to the convertible seat...and if not then at the point they started forward facing (most people I know FF at a year).

[feministmom]

Miranda h.a.t.e.s. the car, too!!! We have relatives all over NJ, NY, and CT....visiting people is so stressful now because of the car ride. I feel so bad for her when she cries in the car, especially because she almost never cries otherwise. She even takes a pacifier, and it will calm her for a few minutes, then she spits it out and screams. I can't figure it out, because she actually likes the stroller and the swing. A friend thought that maybe she is bothered by overstimulation and suggested that we drape a thin blanket over her car seat to reduce all the visual input. Another friend suggested that maybe she isn't comfortable in the bucket seat. We switched her to a convertible seat and hang a muslin wrap over the window (also helps keep the sun out of her eyes) but she still screams. The convertible seat seems to have helped....now she starts crying 10 minutes after we start driving, as opposed to when she started screaming the second we put her in the bucket seat.

It's never hunger or a wet/dirty diaper that's bothering her....as soon as I stop the car and she can see me, she's all smiles. I was thinking of putting a picture of me on the back of the seat where she can see it? Or maybe getting a mini-van so I can sit with her? (half-kidding about that one!)

Sorry I don't have any advice, just lots of sympathy!!

[HappiLeigh]

Originally Posted by NicoleS

Are you using a bucket or a convertible? Most of the kids I know that screamed initially did a lot better when they got upgraded to the convertible seat...and if not then at the point they started forward facing (most people I know FF at a year).

nak...what she said

[boigrrrlwonder]

Another thing to try if breastfeeding is going well for you: a pacifier. We're having the same problem here, though, too.

[aramat]

What about bringing the bucket seat inside to use as a regular seat for baby sometimes? Might help build some positive associations.

[AustinKate]

Hmm. I'm not sure if I'm using the right terms, but I think we're using a convertible seat? It's part of a "travel system", so the car seat snaps into the base in the car, and also into the stroller. He hasn't taken to pacifiers so far. I've tried all different ones, and there's one (the Soothie) that he'll do OK with sometimes at night, but for the most part he hates them.

I think the car seat thing may be connected to another issue, which is that he hates not being held. I'm not sure what to do about this. I have no problem wearing him most of the day. And, sometimes I can put him down when he's awake, and he'll be happy in his little vibrating seat for a while, but eventually he's like 'enough of this' and starts fussing again. For naps, I've had limited success getting him to nap outside of the Moby or Ergo. It's not a problem at night, thankfully, I can put him down while he's still drowsy and he'll fall asleep. So I'm not sure if I should be worried about this or not? Should he be learning to "self soothe"? And, is wearing him in the Moby in the newborn hug position (the only one he likes) going to warp his little legs if they're always in that position? He already seems like he's getting too big for the newborn insert with the Ergo, but I'm not sure when it's OK to transition him out of it. Those may sound like a laughably stupid questions, but these are the things that keep me up at night

[Ninetales]

A convertible seat is one piece and stays in the car. What you have is an infant seat, commonly referred to as a "bucket." Sometimes babies like the convertible better, but it's a gamble. Some hate the car in general, and some just hate being out of arms.

Elsa doesn't have a problem with the car usually. If she's not mad when I put her in, she'll tolerate it and often falls asleep, but if she's already cranky it makes it way worse. We manage it pretty well with a binky, but she only takes the MAM ones.

[briome]

I think a lot of babies don't like the movement of a car untill they are older and can figure it out. I have heard that some do better with something to focus on and shades covering the sun so there is not odd flashes on them.

Neither of mine liked it untill they were 6 m or so and even the 'liked' is a strong word. It did help when I was able to nurse them in the carseat (while someone else drove) but that is a skill you may not have developed.

Good luck, this is a very short overall stage in the long run but I commiserate!

[rootzdawta]

Moved from I'm Pregnant.

[akind1]

we are ok most of the day, DS only hates the car after dark. don't know why, but he screams bloody murder the whole time and nothing short of nursing helps.

being in the car has never calmed him, but neither has a vibrating bouncy seat either.

we have a convertible in one car and a bucket in the other. He's never been in the convertible after dark, I wonder if it would make a difference?

[HappiLeigh]

Originally Posted by Ninetales

A convertible seat is one piece and stays in the car. What you have is an infant seat, commonly referred to as a "bucket." Sometimes babies like the convertible better, but it's a gamble. Some hate the car in general, and some just hate being out of arms.

Right. The bucket is helpful for newborns, but most convertibles (which refers to thefact that they both rear- and forward-face, depending on your child's age/weight) go down to 8 pounds or so, so since you'll need to get one anyway, you might want to go ahead and buy it now and see if baby likes it any better. My DD did.
Regarding putting down while drowsy, it totally depends on the kid. My DS will go to sleep sometimes if I put him down drowsy, which is cool because it's easy. My DD never ever did (she'd only fall asleep in arms, sling, or with me next to her), and yet she is still a perfectly functional 4 year old who learned in the intervening years (without sleep training) to go to sleep by herself. Don't stress over it. He's way too little to self-soothe.
Regarding the Moby and his legs, if he's comfy I wouldn't worry about it.
And the Ergo. We never used an infant insert, we just frog his little legs up inside there and it works fine. (Just make sure the head is not flopping around. I've snapped the hood closed to keep DS's head from flopping when it's not resting on my chest and he's too tired to hold it up.) In my mei tai he's now big enough that he can straddle my waist and have his legs out of the carrier. I haven't tried that yet in the Ergo, but I bet it would work.
No dumb questions, mama!

[NicoleS]

Why did this get moved from our DDC?

[donutmolly]

The thread probably got moved because it's a more general topic that includes lots of babies, and you'll get more responses here. Like mine!

It is such a pain to have a baby who hates the car, particularly when everyone says that babies just fall asleep in the car. DD1 was the worst, I had to regularly pull over and take her out because she was screaming continuously, DD2 and 3 have been better, but none have loved the carseat. They all prefer to be held. Which is great, but inconvinent when it comes to going anywhere that requires driving. I did not find that the infant vs. convertible carseat made any difference.

I limited my trips as much as possible, sat in the back with baby when another adult was driving, had a supply of toys next to me to keep chucking in the back, tried a pacifier (which worked for a few months with each of them, make sure it's on a clip so you can reach it to pop it back in!) and then let go... it's awful to hear baby cry while you're in the car, but if you need to drive somewhere and you've made it as pleasant as possible for baby (feeding, changing, etc), then I just try to talk to baby and let her know that I'm sorry she's upset and that we'll be at our destination soon. (Which mostly helps me...)

[sewaneecook]

DS1 HATED the car seat until he was about 4 months old. He was in a convertible, always just fed and changed, but screamed when he was awake in the car. I tried a pacifier and he hated it. I sat in the back when DH drove, but that only helped a little. At 4 months he went from hating the car seat to enjoying the car. I don't know what the change was.

It was miserable for those 4 months, I hope your LO hits a turning point soon.

[AndtheStars]

My DS was the same as a PP, hated the car seat until 4 or 5 mos and then loved it. He will still scream but only at night so we really try to limit our night driving. As soon as he was able to hold a toy, everything was fine. I think that he just needed something else to focus on that was controlled by him. I also have a mirror that I made by gluing ribbon to the back and hanging it over the back seat and feeding it through the trunk (make sense?). Being able to see himself (and not distorted like the made for car mirrors) helped calm him down too.

[clairelamar]

my dd has hated the car seat since she was born... and the stroller... and babywearing. she's now 10 months old and nothing has really changed, in fact she now cries so hard in the car that she makes herself throw up. ugh, it's a nightmare. i too am hoping that facing her forward in a few months will help, but i am not betting on it, since she doens't like the stroller.

i hate not being able to leave the house very much, because i get tired of being stuck inside with her all day. a recipe for crazy-making. it's good to hear i'm not alone!

[bclare]

Mine hated the infant bucket seat-- screamed and screamed. We got a convertible, which was a lot better (the Britax roundabout) and we are also using a natural rubber breat mimicking pacifier-- something I thought I would NEVER do, but in the end, he is a happy baby in the car 90% of the time, the paci is ONLY used in the car, and I think it is worth it to not have him cry. See if you can borrow a Britax from someone in your community to try it out, and consider a paci.