Almost a year later and can't shake this feeling

[barefootmama0709]

My son will be a year old on May 12th, and I still can't shake my feelings of negativity stemming from his difficult birth. The resulting circumstances forced me to change other aspects of my mothering as well, and I can't help but feel that my relationship with Ezra is going to be less intimate than my relationship to Canaan. My husband and I have also been discussing a third child, and I don't know if I really want a third child yet, or if I just want to "right" my last birth experience by attempting a VBAC. I am confused and frustrated. Help!

[briome]

ICAN is a great place to air this stuff out. Have you contacted them?

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ICAN-online/

They helped me a lot after my section.

[Beccadoula]

I recommend you look into http://www.solaceformothers.org/ they have great resources for birth trauma.

You aren't going to have identical feelings for each child any way, they are unique and need their own kind of love. I had one child who never would let anyone hold him or snuggle at all his whole first 4 years - he's now by far my most snuggly one. It is also harder to really fall in love with one when you've got an older one who still needs lots of attention - you'll find a way though! Is there a MOPS group in your area? Get whatever support you need...you'll be so glad you did!
-R