Playdate Turned B-day Party - WWYD?

[Nansense]

I signed up for a playdate tomorrow with my moms club and find out this morning that it's a birthday party. So now I have to go buy a gift and wrap paper for a kid I barely know. (eta: the mom has made it a book exchange so each kid brings and goes home with a gift/book)

I realize it will be fun for the kids, but I feel snookered by not having all the info upfront. Had I known it was a b-day party, I probably wouldn't have signed up. But now feel obligated.

Am I being unreasonable? SHould I just forget the issue and go?

[dachshundqueen]

I wouldn't bring a gift. A snack to share, yes. This is the mom's club not one of your close friends, so I do not believe the expectation is that you bring a gift.

Liz

[Super~Single~Mama]

I wouldn't take a gift either. A snack to share like pp suggested would be nice, but probably isn't necessary.

You could take a card if you wanted to, but that's probably not necessary either.

[beebalmmama]

I agree with the pp's with taking a snack to share. But if you don't really know the child or mother then don't worry about the gift.

[Nansense]

Thanks for replying quickly!

I should clarify that the mom has made it a book exchange so every kid brings and goes home with a book. So I am obligated to buy a book.

I'm more irritated by the process and being snookered rather than the cost. We can handle the $10, but it's the principle.

[Super~Single~Mama]

I would be seriously annoyed. Why wasn't this info made available before signing up?

Although, on the other hand, a book exchange is a pretty cool idea - I'm going to have to remember that for a few years down the road!

[GreenGranolaMama]

I guess I kind of look at it like- if you want to go, then go and if it makes you feel weird then don't go. If you are not super close with them anyways, then they probably won't be too bummed you didn't show.

[Nansense]

thyra: that's how I'm feeling! But then I think, geez...it's a snaffoo, don't make a big deal out of it and go have fun.

But I'm annoyed. I'm a planner and although in many situations I can be very flexible, I feel forced into a situation and stuck. I already told the kids we had a playdate.

I also have a problem with everyone having b-day parties at indoor play spots and try to avoid them so my kids don't think all b-day parties are held there.

I like the book exchange idea too - if it was a used/bring your own books to exchange, not buying new ones.

[Nansense]

GGM: It does make me feel weird, but I don't want to be THE party-pooper. But if we go, I'm sure it will be all over my face of my dissatisfaction. ANd I feel empathy that this mom & kids are new to town.

[dachshundqueen]

Originally Posted by Nansense

GGM: It does make me feel weird, but I don't want to be THE party-pooper. But if we go, I'm sure it will be all over my face of my dissatisfaction. ANd I feel empathy that this mom & kids are new to town.

Given this is your attitude, I wouldn't go. If you are required to bring a book and it puts you out, don't go. I would mention to the group manager that this has put you out and that you don't feel it's appropriate for the group to host this kind of activity. Recommend that future events like this perhaps could be a used book exchange like a PP suggested.

Liz

[~Demeter~]

Who says the book has to be brand new... most book swaps I've ever participated in you can bring a gently used book. That's what I would do if it were me. She's not asking for gifts for her kid, I think it sounds kind of fun. I understand you feel you didn't have all the info up front but I still don't know that that would make me feel weird about it.

[MJB]

You can get a kid's book at the bookstore or Target for $3. Wrap it in newspaper. It won't cost much and it sounds fun for the kids.

[jeteaa]

sounds to me like this mom wants to have a fun b-day for her kids, and most likely all his "friends" are the kids of moms club moms. Her gift exchange idea is probably to have people NOT go out and buy a gift. I'm sure you have a almost new book at home, wrap it up in homemade wrap and go have fun hanging with the other moms.

[NiteNicole]

I would see it like this - two birds, one stone.

I try to take dd to all the parties she's invited to because it's disappointing for kids when when no one shows up or there's only a small crowd. I do not enjoy little kids parties, but I do it. Having one scheduled at the same time as your regular play group is just one more Saturday you don't have to spend eating cruddy pizza at Chuck E Cheese.

[maddymama]

While I wish the mama had given out all the information upfront, I'd go. I'd do like others say and take a gently used book, wrap it up in a picture your LO colored, and give it. If the mama is new to town, it's probably hard for her to host a big birthday party. This might be the "best" that she feels she can do atm.
~maddymama

[Tigerchild]

If you seriously believe that you cannot control yourself enough not to ruin the party for everyone else, and will walk around with a cranky look on your face--then for heaven's sake please don't go. Surprise your kids with a trip to the park or zoo or whatever instead.

There's obligation, and then there's passive-aggressively punishing people for offending your sensibilities. Yes, it would have been been better for the book exchange to be in all caps. Or maybe you should have read better. But in either case, if you are going to be sullen about it at the actual party, that's more over the top than the party itself.

Be kind. Either set aside your distaste and go and enjoy your kids on their playdate and be nice; or don't go and have alternate plans. Going with the expectation that everyone will be well aware of your negative feelings but you're going to be stompy and go anyway...sorry, but that's far more selfish/yucky than having a book exchange party that was miscommunicated even if it was in the middle of Chuck E. Cheese.

She made a mistake of not being upfront about a book exchange/no gifts birthday celebration, apparently. You might have made a mistake not reading the fine print. It was a communication fail. It happens. It will happen again.

[wookie]

I agree with Tigerchild. It really is not a big deal. I'm having a party next week for my kiddo and although I've been upfront about the no gifts (but alternative) thing, I'm almost the mom who's invited you. We're new in town, we don't know anybody here, but I still invited some acquaintances because I want my kid to have a special day. I want people to come have a good time. I don't care if they bring gifts or not. I want happy people coming to enjoy some company. The other mom probably has some extra books for cases just like yours, especially if she hadn't specified re book exchange. Please don't punish her for trying to make friends and/or have her kid feel special. If you can't take anything at such short notice, go anyway and just say sorry you didn't realise it was a birthday. If that's too much for you, don't go. Please don't show "dissatisfaction all over your face" and ruin others' happy occasion.

[mamazee]

She probably made it a book exchange so you don't have to buy a present and you end up with another book. Just take a book you already have that's read but still in really good condition, and quick wrap it in whatever. I think I might be repeating a few people, but I don't think it's a really big deal.

[Nansense]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I had to get out of the house and busy myself to think about it.

We will go and take gently used books and just have fun. I like this mom and knowing she's new to town, she probably didn't feel she could invite us to her house for a normal party.

I will also talk to the club leaders about "hiding" b-day parties within playdates. I rsvp'd to a playdate, not a b-day party. No where in the description of the playdate was there any mention of a party. This is the part that gets me.

So thanks for your thoughts, I didn't know if I was out in left field or not!

[Tigerchild]

Have fun! Thanks for supporting a new-to-the-group mom, and for going with a supportive rather than grumbly spirit.

When you talk to the leaders, I don't know that I would phrase it as "hiding a birthday party". If the playdate had been on someone's b-day and they had little muffins or had the kids sing happy birthday to the kiddos who were going to celebrate a birthday that day, would you have been down on that? I'm going to guess not--it's the "obligation" to bring a gift or to bring something that gets you.

So I think it would be more correct to say that you would like, in the future, if there is to be any sort of exchange or bringing something (whether it's a potluck, donations for the women's shelter/children's hospital, book/toy exchange, white elephant gift exchange...regardless of circumstance) that you feel it's important to include that ON the sign up sheet/event description. Because it's the gift/buying thing thing that's bugging you right? Birthdays aren't the only situation that comes up, and since the lady is not soliciting gifts for HER child, she probably felt (as did other people) that it was no big deal. By asking that exchanges of any kind be disclosed, in a friendly and non-accusatory matter, I think all sides win. You don't have to worry so much about being the Lady Who Freaks Over Parties and Othermom doesn't have to be the Greedy Playdate Pirate, and hopefully the organizers will get a clue by four about accomodating all types and all levels of anxieties.