Anyone else have this problem? She hates us talking!!

[brokenheart]

My 7 year old DD hates when DH and I talk together. It is so weird, and it has been this way for some time now. For example, she hates sitting with us at the dinner table. She hates going for walks with us. She hates hanging out with us. She wants only ONE of us at a time, and I now realize it is because she wants to monopolize the conversation or have all the attention on her. She can't stand when DH and I chat.

It is hard to plan family things because she gets irritated when we all do things together. Ex: she wants to go out with me OR DH, not all 3 of us. She's an only child and I'm guessing this factors into it.

I understand adult chit-chat may not be thrilling for a child. But we do include her plenty in our conversations. And she also has lots of one-on-one time with each of us. She goes to school full time, so she gets time to play with other kids. And we frequently want to do fun things with her as a family (go to the park, bike ride to the lake). I seriously almost think she'd prefer it if we were divorced!!

For the record, we don't get a ton of family time, so it is important to me. When I was a child, I would have loved my parents to just hang out together in a happy, relaxed way. What is wrong with my kid??

(Most recent examples: she doesn't want ME to come camping....only daddy; and just now, she doesn't want daddy coming with us on our walk. Of course we don't let her boss us around this way, but she gets really upset about it and it ends up ruining the mood anyway).

[basje]

Don't have a lot of offer here but I think it's really interesting. When she interrupts your conversations what do you say? Does she see you and your DH spending time just to two of you without her, like leaving her for date night? It might be useful for her to learn that your martial relationship takes priority after her fundamental needs (food, shelter ect).

LDS families have something called family home evening on Sundays where they do activities with their whole family to stay centered and talk about family values. Maybe applying something like this would be helpful to all of you. If you made Sundays from 3-6 "family time" every week, no exceptions where you did things the three of you I'd imagine with time she'd get more used to the idea because of the consistent and repetitive structure. It might also give you some family time to look forward to each week, where you could play games, have a special snack, practice what to do in a fire, write letters to grandparents.

It does sound like an interesting power dynamic and that she's trying to exert some control over what the energetic focus is within your family unit. My guess would be the more secure she is made to feel the more flexible she may become in the future.

[briome]

Our 5 1/2 year old does that.... I don't think it is too unusual. Children are so 'self centered' at the age, you know.

What do we do? We have given him ideas about when it is appropriate to talk when Mommy and Daddy are having a conversation. Say excuse me, wait untill there is a break, then of course we have to go into what is an acceptable thing to interupt for (with 'excuse me'). He does not always get it, or remember or care of course but sometimes he does unpromted so we know on some level he gets it.

Maybe you can talk to her about how she feels when Mommy and Daddy are talking, in NVC manner. (non-violent communication- http://mothering.com/compassionate-c...ation-children or http://seedofpeace.org/?page_id=878 )
I know our son is MUCH more likely to interupt when he does not like the subject of our talk, money stresses, martial disagrements, sick family member etc..... He is a lot less likely to interupt wen we talk about other junk.

I bet some investigation would yield some layers she is concerned about.

[eepster]

4yo DS tends to just scream at the top of his lungs "stop talking." He really hates it when DH and I are chatting, or I'm chatting with my sister. Just about the only person he tolerates me talking to well is grandpa (I have no idea why grandpa is different.) I just tell him that daddy and I need to talk, then continue. It hasn't really sunk in yet.

[redpajama]

My daughter used to get exasperated with us--especially in the car--and tell us to "stop talking," when she was between 2 and 2.5-or-so. She outgrew that, but she does seem to like interrupting us now by saying, "Excuse me, Dad," or "Excuse me, Mom," followed by some sort of comment that she clearly is only making for the sake of interrupting us. Sometimes I'll ask her, "Are you just wishing we would include you in our conversation?" to which she'll almost certainly answer yes, and then I'll try to change the topic to one she can participate in. Other times, I'll explain to her that her dad and I need some time to talk and that this is going to be the last time she's allowed to interject for a while. She'll say her little thing, I'll remind her again that now it's our turn to talk to each other for a bit. If she continues to interrupt, I'll remind her once or twice and then let her know that I'm going o ignore her for a little while while I talk to Dad. She usually stops then.

[sapphire_chan]

Could it be that children have trouble following adult conversations even when they're topics that the child knows about and enjoys?