What about when SO isn't "comfortable"?

[micah_mae_]

DH has made it clear that he wishes I would "just go to the birth center" because it "all went fine" the first time. I told him I don't feel comfortable there anymore and I even told him why. He is just convinced it's unsafe! I found studies about the safety of home births, he doesn't care. He says "I don't care about reviews and studies. I still don't think it's safe."
So what am I supposed to do then? Arrgh!!!

[Youngfrankenstein]

To be blunt, you can tell him that a birth center, unless it's attached to a hospital, isn't any "different" medically than a homebirth. I have also heard/read that even during labor, the time a woman needs an emergency c/s is about 20-30 minutes and that when called ahead, a transfer for such a reason can be just as quick. Of course the above mentioned stuff will vary by circumstance.

[micah_mae_]

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

To be blunt, you can tell him that a birth center, unless it's attached to a hospital, isn't any "different" medically than a homebirth. I have also heard/read that even during labor, the time a woman needs an emergency c/s is about 20-30 minutes and that when called ahead, a transfer for such a reason can be just as quick. Of course the above mentioned stuff will vary by circumstance.

Thanks, I'll tell him that later. I don't want him thinking I'm over here on my laptop conspiring against him...even if I am.

[sattygirl99]

Yeah the 20-30 min thing even happens IN the hospital...

Bella was supposedly (she wasn't but that's what they said at the time) a life or death, we NEED her out NOW c-section and it still was 20 min before they rolled me away to the OR.

There is no difference between a birth center and being at home, except that you don't have to get in the car, arrange childcare and load your new baby up into a carseat to come home and crash in your bed.

My DH wasn't comfortable either at first but he's come around now... Also... let the MW handle some of that 'it isn't safe' stuff. Sometimes men feel better with it coming from the provider!

[micah_mae_]

Originally Posted by sattygirl99

Yeah the 20-30 min thing even happens IN the hospital...

Bella was supposedly (she wasn't but that's what they said at the time) a life or death, we NEED her out NOW c-section and it still was 20 min before they rolled me away to the OR.

There is no difference between a birth center and being at home, except that you don't have to get in the car, arrange childcare and load your new baby up into a carseat to come home and crash in your bed.

My DH wasn't comfortable either at first but he's come around now... Also... let the MW handle some of that 'it isn't safe' stuff. Sometimes men feel better with it coming from the provider!

Good point, I'll just tell her about his issues and have her explain it. He won't listen to me.

[Aka mommy]

I would tell him that i don't expect him to poop in the middle of a stage with people watching and prodding him telling him exactly how they think he should remove the poop from his body.

But then i'm a real smart alek and have a hard time when a man tells me what is best for MY body and the child i'm using every ounce of energy to nurture and love for us.

Maybe have your dh discuss blatently with the mw's his fears. It's what helped my dh have confidence in our decision.

[TiredX2]

Do you have your midwife picked out? Does DP go to your appointments? I found that when we were looking for care during DS' pregnancy, meeting the right midwife really made DP more excited about a homebirth.

[micah_mae_]

Originally Posted by Aka mommy

I would tell him that i don't expect him to poop in the middle of a stage with people watching and prodding him telling him exactly how they think he should remove the poop from his body.

But then i'm a real smart alek and have a hard time when a man tells me what is best for MY body and the child i'm using every ounce of energy to nurture and love for us.

Maybe have your dh discuss blatently with the mw's his fears. It's what helped my dh have confidence in our decision.

Lol when it comes down to it I will say something to that affect. Hopefully he comes around before then.

[micah_mae_]

Originally Posted by TiredX2

Do you have your midwife picked out? Does DP go to your appointments? I found that when we were looking for care during DS' pregnancy, meeting the right midwife really made DP more excited about a homebirth.

We haven't met with her yet but I hope she can bring him around if I can't.

[sarahn4639]

This sounds a lot like my husband with our first homebirth. For us, it came down to the fact that I had done loads of research and he was working on feelings. I told him that if he had facts he wanted to discuss, I was more than happy to have that conversation, but I was not going to birth in a hospital just because he felt like it. I also told tell him that I loved very much and I needed him and his support and I understood that I was his wife and this was his baby, BUT it is MY body carrying the baby and MY body birthing the baby.