This is so CRAZY!!!!!

[sweetkid]

My Mother is 65 years old, she has been a foster parent for 45 years, we have 6 adopted from foster care kids in the family and 3 bios, ages from 47 to 17.
We had well over 100 foster kids in our home growing up and my Mother was terrible to a good number of them, she is basically an enormous control freak and addicted to the dependence of infants and toddlers, then just really so inappropriately controlling after about 19 months. We as her adult children do not get close to her fosters kids as we spent our adolescense caring for too many of them then having to say good-bye. I can go on and on, our standing joke is "give Mom a 2 year old for a week and she'll give the kid an eating disorder for life". I could go on and on but I won't. I have called her current support worker in the past and recommended a child be removed from her home as has another sister.
So she mostly does respite care now (she's really really great during the honeymoon period!). Currently she has 2 little ones that are from a home with a sick FM. They are 1 (in march) and 3 (in june). Today the worker asked my Mother if she was interested in adopting them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!She has only had them for a week!!!!

WHAT GIVES?????
She is in Connecticut.
Please tell me there are people in Connecticut that are waiting to adopt siblings from the state, siblings under the age of 3 that have very minimal delays from neglect but are really healthy and thriving in the therapuetic foster in the in home they usually live in. I guess the couple is retired and ONLY foster.
Additionally if you are wanting to foster to adopt and are in Connecticut PLEASE call and see if there are any sibling groups!!! My sisters have seen these kids and they are lovely children and are getting the help they need and really thriving.
Why on earth would this offer be made? Any insight into that to would be great, I don't get it!!

[Polliwog]

Why are they in a therapeutic foster home? Could they have special needs that haven't become evident in the week that they've been with your mother? The honeymoon period you just mentioned could be a huge factor.

But to answer your question, there are tons of people in CT who want to adopt young children.

[Tigerchild]

Please don't be offended by this, but are you sure you have accurate information? Could it be that your mother might be lying, either that this is going to happen at all, or that it came out of the blue?

I find it hard to believe that it would come out of the blue. So, having a mentally ill mother myself, my money would be on A) she's lying completely, or B) she's lying about "Oh, the state thinks I'm so great they called me out of the blue and offered them to me."

[Irishmommy]

I'm awed about a 20 year old being licensed to foster.

[Tigerchild]

Eh, I dunno, in 1964? That was still in the freakishly-young-marriage age (40s - 60s). I could see that being allowed, esp. if hubby was older. If she was single, I agree, that would be a boggler.

Though honestly, I foster parented at age 25. I just did temporary care though.

[Irishmommy]

Good point, I didn't think of that.

[sesa70]

Originally Posted by Irishmommy

I'm awed about a 20 year old being licensed to foster.

We were about that when we were licensed

[queenjane]

I think i'm with TC on this one. Its possible your mom is lying, or maybe misunderstood/twisted what the worker said, because unless she were a relative to the children, i can't really see them approving a 65 yr old to adopt a 1 and 3 yr old sib group. Maybe its just a requirement that the sw ask anyone who has a "relationship" to the child (such as a respite care provider) if they are interested in adoption, if the children are headed that way. Doesnt mean they are truly considering her or "offering" the children to her.

I too am curious, though, why these children are in a therapeutic home? is it a medical home or a behavioral one?

[Amatullah0]

Originally Posted by Irishmommy

I'm awed about a 20 year old being licensed to foster.

I'm 20, DH is 23, and we're working towards becoming licensed But then again, we already have one DC

[sweetkid]

The children are therapetic because they came into custody extremely neglected,the 1 year old had supposedly only ever been in a carseat they were both extremely malnourished and are both methadoe babies.There is a one month old sibling that has yet to be terminated but should be very soon.

It is possible my mother was patting herself on the back,she is a nutjob.But I am pretty sure the offer was mentioned, it could have been in a casual manner and Mom is proud of herself. My Mother will not adopt again,its just crazy that it was offered

And not only were my parents fostering at 20 and 23,but at 22 and 25 they adopted my oldest siblings,severely abused children that never had any kind of services,counseling ect,,,A social worker told my parents to throw cold water on my sisters face during her breath holding tantrums. This was 1968 the system has changed tremendously. My oldest brother was an abuser way into his adult years,my sister is still a drug addict.The other children were alll adopted in the mid 80's they were with us from birth,all but 1 is an adult and they are amazing and doing very well they recieved all types of services as they were all born addicted to hard core drugs (herione,crack and crack and one alcohol and heroine mix).

[mamarhu]

In my state, relatives are asked to adopt first, then the foster parents. A homestudy would have to approve her, but I have never heard of an upper age limit in domestic adoptions. Certainly not for fostering - IRL I know foster families in their 70's. I am mid-50's, and may end up with my grandchildren, now 1 & 3. I had them for a few months last years while mom was in rehab (unsuccessfully). I would like to think I have a couple good decades ahead!66 isn't that far from here, and I feel a bit defensive. I hear other reasons you are against your mother adopting, OP, but age alone shouldn't be the primary factor.

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by mamarhu

I hear other reasons you are against your mother adopting, OP, but age alone shouldn't be the primary factor.

It would be different if this woman had been fostering these children for years and they were bonded, or if she was their grandma or other relative. However, to consider a "straight adoption" of two very young children (one not even quite a toddler yet), who sound like they may have some issues, with someone in her 60s, i think its irresponsible considering there is likely NO problem placing those children in a home.

Yes, they will ask relatives of any age to take the kids, they asked my son's great grandma to take him. But IMO there is a big difference in a 65 yr old adopting her five yr old grandchild or something similar, and asking some random senior citizen who barely knows the kids if they want to adopt a one yr old.