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Ex getting remarried tomorow, I need some advice please - Page 2

post #21 of 23
Yes your ex sounds like an arse, however I agree 100% with Oriole, I would let your son go to the wedding. The way your ex is handling it is terrible, however I think as a mother you should think about the big picture, and do what, as an adult looking back, your son would want you to have done. I think that would most likely be going to the wedding. If you say no, your decision is coming out of spite or a continued power struggle...and this is not the example you want to set for your child.

I would be absolutely infuriated with my ex if he only told me about his wedding the day before, because I believe kids should have lots of time to be mentally prepared and feel like an important part of the planning process when one of their parent's make such a life-altering decision...however, at this point all you can do is be the parent your child needs...and sometimes that means setting aside anger and making the best choice for the child. I don't see it as a doormat, I see it as being an amazing parent who puts a child's needs before their own.

I am sorry you even have to deal with this, it sucks.

ETA: I read most of the replies but of course I didn't see your final decision! I think it was a great one!
post #22 of 23
I didn't have a chance to reply earlier but want to say now that I think you made the right decision by letting DS go. I'm sure that it will mean a lot to DS that he was included, no matter how last minute it was.

I'd also add that I don't think it's weird that you like your ex's new wife (though it may be weird that she likes him!! ) and she may be a reason for optimism in this situation. My dad was a complete schmuck to my mom (including physical abuse) and generally not a great person but for some crazy reason a wonderful woman chose to be his second wife. I can't tell you how her presence in our family has helped us all to get over the past and smooth out the relationships among everyone in the family. Best of all, she has brought out the best in my dad, something I thought didn't really exist. Of course you can't put the new wife between your ex and you, use her to relay messages, or have any great expectations, but it might not hurt to foster that friendship and see where it leads. It could set a wonderful example for DS as well.
post #23 of 23
Originally Posted by mama2toomany View Post
To me agreeing to let ds go wouldn't be "falling in line". It would be a consent to let the child experience his fathers wedding, She could also make a firm statement saying " I will allow it because it is a special day and I want ds to be apart of it, he is apart of your family, however, in the future I would appreciate a 48 hour notice for visits and I would have appreciated time to prepare".
Hm, I agree. Especially about the statement.
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