Is this the begining of ppd? If so what can I do?

[concernedfather]

I am a new father. I just had my first child with my girlfriend on Easter. She has a 6 year old daughter. The experience is new to me, and I am learning a lot as the days go on.

I currently do not live with mom, but I visit every day for around 10 hours and I help where I can, as I said I am still learning. Mom is breast feeding, so often I can't do anything.

Mom's mood and temperament has been pretty good, with the exception of occasional mood swings. The baby was sleeping well throughout the night.

Our daughter was born with bilateral clubbed feet. The past Wednesday she had her first set of spiral casts to correct the deformity. Ever since she has been extremely cranky and will not sleep more then 45 minutes at a time. The lack of sleep has taken a toll on Mom.

Over the past few days she has progressively got worse. I came over today and I could tell she was a bit 'off'. Her daughter wanted help with something, and Mom just exploded with rage and said some really hurtful things to her daughter and then started yelling at me about how she can't do anything, and basically told everyone to f-off. I've never seen that before. I left because I didn't want to make things worse.

So I am here asking for advice on what I should do. She seems so unstable now I don't want to make a wrong move and aggravate the situation. I am at a loss, and it hurts me I can't see my daughter when shes like this.

Thank you in advance.

[tangledblue]

So sorry to hear this. She's probably worried about the casts and the sleep deprivation isn't helping. Do encourage her to talk to her dr. or a counselor if she really seems out of control. Do you two have any other family in the area? Can you watch her kids a bit at night so that she can at least get a 4-5 hour stretch of sleep if your daughter is waking up so often? (She could pump so that you have a bottle.) I don't have any other advice but it sounds like some on-the-ground help with other family or friends might be good. It's hard to say if it is PPD or not since none of us here on the internets are psychologists and haven't seen her in person, but good for you for trying to help. Help her seek counseling if the behavior continues to be disturbing. Hang in there and enjoy your beautiful new daughter!

[K-Mom3]

Thanks for being a concerned dad! I know that my dh felt that helplessness when I wasn't acting like myself. Here are some ideas of how you could be supportive--of course, I don't know if she will welcome them all but you can ask or test the waters.

If she explodes again, maybe ask if you can take over child care so she can be alone for a little while--take a bath, a nap, a walk or whatever she wants that will help her recover. The baby should be fine for 2 hour intervals between feedings, possibly more sometimes.

Ask her if she wants to be comforted during times like this--when I'm feeling desperate and like I can't do anything and my anger is out of control, I often like to be held and comforted by my husband. Not everyone likes this, though...

Take over as much of the work as you can. If you're there for 10 hours a day, do you have to be working or anything during that time? I would suggest that you do all the dishes, cooking, vacuuming, laundry, etc if she will let you. That will allow her to have more time to sleep while the baby sleeps, bond with the baby when awake, etc.

I don't know if she has ppd or not. But obviously something is off. I think that if it continues and/or gets worse you should definitely suggest seeing a doctor. Until she makes the decision to see a doctor, she could benefit from general health promoting practices, things that all new moms probably need. Like exercise, daily outdoor light, good nutrition, daily personal time, anything to reduce stress, vitamin supplements (I take B 100 complex, D3, selenium and Omega 3 fish oil).

Check out this resource: postpartum dads

[babyulu]

Please, whatever you do, support her. I don't mean put up with horrible BS without finding help, but just don't turn against her. I had slight PPD a few months ago and my boyfriend wanted nothing to do with it, and used it against me and acted like it was my choice. She may not have PPD, or she might, or she may just be angry and stressed about the situation. Find help, but don't turn against her.

Any women's groups around? I think "alternative" style help can help a lot. Like a women's support group, or a natural healer (woman), or something like that. From my experience sometimes more "hippyish" women's support can be more effective than prescription drugs or traditional therapy.

The mom who posted about helping her sleep is a good idea. Sleep depravation can drive a person crazy, if only temporarily. Will your daughter take a bottle of pumped breast milk if she wakes at night with you? What about a therapist or support group specifically for clubbed feet and other issues like that rather than PPD?