Worried about who will be with our older son

[quelindo]

We're planning a homebirth in November, and our son will be five at that point. I'm a SAHM, Henry's homeschooled, we almost never get a babysitter (a mother's helper a few times and my sister/mom a few times) and he is VERY VERY attached to me.

I know that we need someone to come and be with him, but I'm not sure my first (and really, only) choice will be willing. That's my sister. Her only birth was a C-section, which she was thrilled about, because she didn't want to have to go through labor. Our family is very private, so for her to see me naked and going through labor would be kind of shocking, I'm sure.

If she's not willing, I'm kind of stuck. Would it be weird to see if any doulas in the area would be willing to get to know Henry and then come be with him for the birth? I don't want to just hire a babysitter because if Henry wants to be near me I need his caregiver to be calm and comfortable with everything.

I should add that Henry is very upset at the prospect of ANYONE coming to be with him. He only wants me, even though I've explained that I won't be able to take care of him while I'm busy having the baby.

Has anyone been in my situation? What did you do?

[olstep]

I haven't been but am going to be in the same situation with the only exeption that I do not have my sister or my mom available.

What if you have your doula take care of you and your husband of your son, would it work (I'd assume that your son is quite attached to your husband, isn't he?)

[ShwarmaQueen]

I would start doing a weekly outing (more or less) *with your DS with the sitter/mother's helper* to familiarize him with her. I would want my DH at the birth for sure. And really, at 5, he would probably have fun with new games or toys during the delivery. It probably seems worse than it will actually be.

My DD was almost 5 when DS was born and was very talkative during labor when I needed quiet. I also had to transfer after the birth for PPH and that would have been very scary for her had she seen it.

[dislocator3972]

I think a doula would be more than willing to work with you on this. And a lot of doulas are used to a more long term relationship, so I would think weekly visits to get to know your family would be normal.

Would your midwife have any recommendations for you?

[briome]

It looks like you have untill fall for this next baby, right? I think that is plenty of time to get confortable with someone, for you and your son. I think a doula is a good idea, even better if she has a child about your son's age where you could have playdates together or an occasional babysitting relationship. Are you involved in any local parenting group where you could scope around for a person?

My son is also very attached to me (my eldest is 5 1/2) and at my second birth (HBAC) my husband was in charge of him because I felt I did not need his support exactly and my son did. He was 3 at that birth. Now I am expecting my third this week or so and I have the 5 and a 2 1/2 year old. It is a little different energy because the brothers have each other. Even though we have family in the area they make me nervous so I would not want them here for the birth.

I did (and again this time) make an effort to make sure my son knows what to expect during labor. He was looking through the birth kit with me and asked what those blue folded up pads were and I told him that blood and fluid will be coming out of me along with the baby, but that is OK because that is susposed to happen. He had such a funny reaction on his face and said "Oh, Mommy I didn't need to know that" I said OK, sorry but you asked! When he was three I made sure he knew about noises I might make etc..... I ALWAYS give him the option of where he wants to be and at any time he can come and go. The last time we talked about it he said he would like to be called in just after the baby is born. I suspose his little brother will likely just follow his lead and dad will be the caregiver. I know I am unusual a bit because Hubby is not the best labor sitter so this works for us.

Good luck, you have plenty of time, relax, You'll have a great homebirth!