**I'm a long time member but this is *very personal so I created a new username.
I've had this in my head all morning and it's driving me insane.
Could my Dh be gay?
An explanation:
We've been married 8 yrs and come from a super-traditional culture. Grew up in loving but very straightlaced homes with traditional man/woman relationships in all aspects (both our moms were SAHM, dads brought home the bread, patriarchal society etc.)
The first week after marriage one day Dh just came home, threw himself on the couch and BAWLED. He never told me why, has never done it again, and to my knowledge has never cried since. Over the years of our marriage he has become more and more involved in his work, so much so that sometimes he'd rather just go to work than hang out with us at home (not saing he does that but I feel he would if he could). Over the years the affection in our relationship has become almost non-existent. It's not like we fight all the time, but we're kind of cool towards each other. I mean we'll cuddle/kiss when making up but it's like cursory. Granted, we have 2 young kids but I don't think our lives are stressed or anything.
The biggest thing wrong in her our marriage though, by far, is the lack of sexual intimacy. It's been a year after my last birth and we've dtd maybe 4-5 times. And it's not for MY lack of libido. It *could* be a libido issue for him but I know for a fact that he masturbates multiple times a week but has no interest in sex. I've asked him outright like "let's dtd, the kids are in bed" but he'd rather watch a movie. every time. even when we do it he's not intrested in foreplay, just like slam, bang etc. then turn to the side and sleep. I've told him it's not fun for me but he gets embarassed talking about sex.
I don't know why this gay thing came into my mind but I'm feeling like I might be in his way to something else. He married because that's what was expected of him but he'd rather not be, yk? Can I ask him this question outright or is there a more delicate way to approach this? Do we need counselling at all costs?
ETA: I forgot to add one important detail. He's very homophobic, or atleast that's how he seems to me. When we were naming our second son, he absolutely REFUSED to name him a particular name that I really liked. He wouldn't even consider it. Fine. But one time I came upon his yearbook from college that had a note from a taboo-named person who'd written something like "Dh, sex will never be fun w/o you or something." Now it was a capital SEX which could've been an acronym for something or it could've been written as a joke or whatever. I wasn't even snooping..just came upon it and found it odd but have never spoken to Dh about this.
I've had this in my head all morning and it's driving me insane.
Could my Dh be gay?
An explanation:
We've been married 8 yrs and come from a super-traditional culture. Grew up in loving but very straightlaced homes with traditional man/woman relationships in all aspects (both our moms were SAHM, dads brought home the bread, patriarchal society etc.)
The first week after marriage one day Dh just came home, threw himself on the couch and BAWLED. He never told me why, has never done it again, and to my knowledge has never cried since. Over the years of our marriage he has become more and more involved in his work, so much so that sometimes he'd rather just go to work than hang out with us at home (not saing he does that but I feel he would if he could). Over the years the affection in our relationship has become almost non-existent. It's not like we fight all the time, but we're kind of cool towards each other. I mean we'll cuddle/kiss when making up but it's like cursory. Granted, we have 2 young kids but I don't think our lives are stressed or anything.
The biggest thing wrong in her our marriage though, by far, is the lack of sexual intimacy. It's been a year after my last birth and we've dtd maybe 4-5 times. And it's not for MY lack of libido. It *could* be a libido issue for him but I know for a fact that he masturbates multiple times a week but has no interest in sex. I've asked him outright like "let's dtd, the kids are in bed" but he'd rather watch a movie. every time. even when we do it he's not intrested in foreplay, just like slam, bang etc. then turn to the side and sleep. I've told him it's not fun for me but he gets embarassed talking about sex.
I don't know why this gay thing came into my mind but I'm feeling like I might be in his way to something else. He married because that's what was expected of him but he'd rather not be, yk? Can I ask him this question outright or is there a more delicate way to approach this? Do we need counselling at all costs?
ETA: I forgot to add one important detail. He's very homophobic, or atleast that's how he seems to me. When we were naming our second son, he absolutely REFUSED to name him a particular name that I really liked. He wouldn't even consider it. Fine. But one time I came upon his yearbook from college that had a note from a taboo-named person who'd written something like "Dh, sex will never be fun w/o you or something." Now it was a capital SEX which could've been an acronym for something or it could've been written as a joke or whatever. I wasn't even snooping..just came upon it and found it odd but have never spoken to Dh about this.
