Non-Catholics W/ DC in Catholic School Support Thread

[VisionaryMom]

Though we'd thought we were homeschooling, a *wonderful* job opportunity has opened up for me, and I've decided to take it. So with that said, we're scrambling to figure out schooling for DC. It's most likely that we will be sending them to Catholic school. We are UUs. Anyone else in this situation? Advice? Thoughts?

I do have some questions for the school administrators when we go. Mainly, what happens when the children begin attending Mass and preparing for confirmation (this is the right word, yes?) I know they both will attend Mass next year (periodically for DD, weekly for DS), but I'm wondering about the process of "becoming" Catholic. Are my children allowed to decide (i.e. by Church doctrine) to become Catholic even if DH and I are not? Should I take them to Mass before school in the fall to help explain the service to them?

[Tradd]

I saw this from the new posts on the forum front page...

I grew up Catholic (although I'm something else now) and in Catholic school from 8th grade through high school graduation. About half of my classmates were non-Catholic. They still had to do the 8th grade Confirmation classwork (it was part of the daily religious instruction), but none of them became Catholic. They also had to attend Mass.

I'm not sure how old your kids are. First Communion preparation is 1st-2nd grade with First Confession preparation at the same time, and Confirmation will be 6th-8th grade.

I guess the "becoming Catholic" question is more important if your kids are older. Definitely ask the school leadership. I can't imagine they'd allow a kid to go through with becoming Catholic without parents' permission.

An interesting story: I'm Orthodox. An Orthodox family recently began attending my parish because of something related to the "becoming Catholic" thing. Dad is Eastern European immigrant, mom is American convert, child is 7-8 at the oldest. They'd been attending an Orthodox parish with services in an ancient form of dad's native language - he doesn't understand the older form at all. Mom told me their child had begun attending Catholic school this past fall and had recently come home from school saying he/she wanted to become Catholic. Catholic school, of course, has Mass in English. Mom said, that's it, and they began attending my parish, which has all English services.

Taking your kids to Mass over the summer 1-2 times (you can go on Saturday late afternoon/evening to not conflict with your own UU church times) would probably be a VERY good idea to familiarize them with the Mass.

One note: as a non-Catholic, your child will not be permitted to receive Communion, so you might want to explain that Communion in the Catholic Church is for those who have the same beliefs, and as UU, you have different beliefs. Because they will be left their in the pew when their classmates go up for Communion. But I suspect they won't be the only ones - many Catholics schools seem to have good numbers of non-Catholic students.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by Tradd

I'm not sure how old your kids are. First Communion preparation is 1st-2nd grade with First Confession preparation at the same time, and Confirmation will be 6th-8th grade.

My kids are 3 and 5, so pre-K and K. First Communion was more my question. According to the curriculum guide we received, they will begin to prepare in 1st grade, and I wandered if that would leave my son out in any way.

Originally Posted by Tradd

I guess the "becoming Catholic" question is more important if your kids are older. Definitely ask the school leadership. I can't imagine they'd allow a kid to go through with becoming Catholic without parents' permission.

I have no problem if they decide to become Catholic, but I didn't know how the Church felt about children making that decision - even at an 8th-grade level. I wouldn't want them to feel that Catholicism is right for them but be denied because of our religious beliefs.

Originally Posted by Tradd

Taking your kids to Mass over the summer 1-2 times (you can go on Saturday late afternoon/evening to not conflict with your own UU church times) would probably be a VERY good idea to familiarize them with the Mass.

Any suggestions on books to explain things to me? I went to Mass with my great-grandmother many times, but it was 20 years ago. I've attended Episcopalian church as an adult, but I know there ae differences. I'd like a refresher before I take them.

Originally Posted by Tradd

One note: as a non-Catholic, your child will not be permitted to receive Communion, so you might want to explain that Communion in the Catholic Church is for those who have the same beliefs, and as UU, you have different beliefs. Because they will be left their in the pew when their classmates go up for Communion. But I suspect they won't be the only ones - many Catholics schools seem to have good numbers of non-Catholic students.

Okay. Yes, I know that non-Catholics cannot take Communion. When I've been to Mass as an adult (2-3 times), I've always gone up and "x"ed over my chest (don't know the official term). But most churches they will experience are Protestant and are pretty free with allowing people to accept Communion. So I will cover that with them.

[maybemom05]

I attended Catholic school - as a practicing Catholic - as a child, and I think you've received some good advice.

Most likely, your kids will be expected to participate in Religious Education classes and coursework, but they will not be expected (or pressured) to receive the sacraments. Your son might feel a bit left out in 1st grade if his friends are receiving First Communion and he isn't, but odds are, he won't be the only non-Catholic kid in his class. Theologically, there are some real differences between the RC and UU churches, but I wouldn't think this would be a huge thing in the early grades.

As far as becoming Catholic, if your kids are really interested, the school can probably help them along the path, but they will certainly involve you, as the parent, in any "conversion" process.

Definitely ask the school administrators your speaking with how they handle this kinds of things. Undoubtedly, it's come up before and they should be able to answer any questions and concerns.

As for books, there is a Catholicism for Dummies book that is probably a good place to start.

Good luck to you!!!

[je309]

My kids attend a Catholic school and although we are Catholic, there are quite a few kids who attend school there who are not. They are expected to attend mass, as other have stated, but they are not expected to convert or anything like that. In all honesty, the vibe that the school gives off is more "Christian" than "Catholic" in my opinion. They do have religion class but outside of that it is just your basic, treat others like you would like to be treated or as Jesus would like you to treat them, etc. As far as I can tell from speaking with non-Catholic parents they feel very welcome and comfortable there.

Of course, all Catholic schools are different (as are any other kind of school) so you may find things to be different where you are. I hope that it all works out for you. We have had such an amazing experience at our school and I can't say enough about how great we think it is. I hope you find the same to be true for you!

[sncmom]

No real advice for you but just wanted to touch base. We are UUs also, and DD1 attends Catholic preK. I've wondered a lot about how to address religious issues because she is certainly learning about stuff at school but I've been very hands off so far. I do make sure she goes pretty regularly to UU sunday school mainly so that she'll realize that her faith is a choice and not a doctrine. Don't know if that will sink in b/c she's a BIG fan of Jesus and Mary right now, but we'll see...

[VisionaryMom]

Yes, DD has a big obsession with Noah at the moment! I'm not even sure where she learned it exactly, but she's always going on & on about the ark and all of the animals. She's a big animal lover, so I figure that's the appeal.

The school itself is a pretty liberal-progressive place - at least compared to the Protestant schools in the area. We also don't feel an anti-science vibe there, which is part of the reason we won't consider the other Christian schools in our area.

We know several of the teachers at the Catholic school, which is part of why we feel comfortable with them. Plus they really emphasize service, and that's an important issue for us. On those fronts, I feel okay. I have some concerns about differentiation for DS in math, but I'll ask those tomorrow.

DD will be using a religious curriculum called "Second Step" empathy. I still have to look that up to find out about it, but the lessons sound pretty generic - be nice, we all have talents, good and bad choices, etc.

I have other long-term concerns, such as how sexuality is addressed, if at all, but I figure we can cross that bridge later.

[VisionaryMom]

I'm answering myself now, but here's the description of Second Step from their website:

Second Step lessons are organized into three skill-building units that focus on empathy, impulse control and problem solving, and anger management. Lessons are sequential, developmentally appropriate, and provide opportunities for modeling, practice, and skills reinforcement. The curriculum includes discussion, teacher modeling, coaching skills, and role-plays. Stories are used to demonstrate important peer-relations skills and to teach affective (emotional), cognitive, and behavioral social skills. Lessons can be incorporated into health, science, math, social studies, and language arts.

[oceanbaby]

My neice is having her first communion next week, and I was asking my SIL about this because I had considered sending my kids to her Catholic school. I asked SIL what happened with the non-Catholic kids, and she said there was only one so they had her go do something else during that time.

We decided that there was too much focus on religious instruction and not enough non-Catholic kids for my kids to not feel left out, so we decided on public school.

[blizzard_babe]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

I'm answering myself now, but here's the description of Second Step from their website:

Second Step lessons are organized into three skill-building units that focus on empathy, impulse control and problem solving, and anger management. Lessons are sequential, developmentally appropriate, and provide opportunities for modeling, practice, and skills reinforcement. The curriculum includes discussion, teacher modeling, coaching skills, and role-plays. Stories are used to demonstrate important peer-relations skills and to teach affective (emotional), cognitive, and behavioral social skills. Lessons can be incorporated into health, science, math, social studies, and language arts.

Hmm, perhaps there are two versions, a religious and a secular, but the public school district I work for uses the Second Step curriculum as our anti-violence/anti-bullying/social skills/whathaveyou curriculum.

Now, I would guess that at a Catholic school, they might infuse these lessons with Catholic references (the example of Jesus, etc), but the curriculum itself is secular (unless, like I said, there's a Christian-specific version that the organization puts out).

ETA: Here's the website for the non-profit that puts out the Second Step curriculum.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by blizzard_babe

Hmm, perhaps there are two versions, a religious and a secular, but the public school district I work for uses the Second Step curriculum as our anti-violence/anti-bullying/social skills/whathaveyou curriculum.

Now, I would guess that at a Catholic school, they might infuse these lessons with Catholic references (the example of Jesus, etc), but the curriculum itself is secular (unless, like I said, there's a Christian-specific version that the organization puts out).

They use the same version as public schools. We had our admissions tour this morning, and I asked about it. I really like the sound of the program, and it's a big focus in Pre-K and K. Their philosophy is that if they teach the children about getting along well with others, including all children, not hurting other people (physically or emotionally), then moving into academic topics will be easier because they will have better social coping skills.

I also asked about the concerns I had about us not being Catholic. They have had some students from non-Catholic homes choose to become Catholic, and they're prepared to work with us on that should the situation arise.

The principal said their goal is teach Catholic beliefs but not to step on any family's religious beliefs by saying "hey, your parents are wrong. This is The Way It Is." She said a good 1/3 of the students are non-Catholic. DC will be permitted to participate in most things - such as the preparations for First Communion - juice & bread in the classroom while learning what Communion means. With confession, they have the option go into the booth to chat with the parish priest, and she said most kids do that and just talk to him about whatever they want. He's perfectly okay with them not being there to confess.

Overall I was happy with what we saw. DD spent an hour with the teacher she would have next year, and she fit right in. They have a history of differentiation for advanced students, which is one of our concerns with DS. He's highly gifted in math but emotionally delayed. There are several options they've used in the past, so I think we can find something that works for him.