Death of a pet

[BarnMomma]

I just went to clean the cage and found my DS's button quail (whom he ADORES) dead.

DS is only 3(almost) and he loves this quail. It was "his" first pet in a house full of animals.

I am leaning toward telling him the truth. That the quail reached the end of its life and now we can remember her fondly and maybe make a decorative box and bury her.

Other have suggested replacing the quail or saying it must have run away to spare DS's feelings. Both of those things feel like flat out lying to my son to me but maybe I'm wrong and he's too young for the brutal truth.

FYI Ds is very sensitive so I do know he'll be very sad about his quail. But I also feel liek this is how we learn about death and learn to appreciate life.

What do you all think?

[Alyantavid]

I would tell him the truth. I don't lie to my kids and I certainly wouldn't in this case.

My son was around that age when we put our dog down. He still doesn't quite understand, he knows that she was sick and that she died, but death's awfully hard for a toddler to grasp. He asked for months afterward when she was coming home. But I would still explain it and keep explaining it as long as he questions it. And leave getting a new one up to him.

[Shahbazin]

I would tell the truth, & explain that a lot of creatures don't live as long as humans, & that the quail was very old for her kind, had a happy life, & has now passed on to the next stage (whether as physical "cycle of life" stuff - her body returns to the soil, nourishing other organisms/providing building blocks for new creatures, or whatever spiritual beliefs you have).

We live with my in-laws, & my oldest was not quite 3 when her grandma passed away last year; one of our dogs had died 4 months before. She's sad that they are gone, & talks about them sometimes (even my 2 1/2 year old, who wasn't quite 2 when grandma died just mentioned, a couple of days ago on the 1 year anniversary, that she missed nanny (what the kids called MIL) & loved her), but they seem to have adjusted well.

[eepster]

Absolutely tell the truth.

Don't expect him to be too sad right away though. Even though he loved his quail, he probably just isn't going to understand what it means to be dead. It will take him a while to process and the sadness make take a few weeks or months to emerge.

There are lots of books out there to help you with explaining death.

[liliaceae]

Another vote for tell the truth.

[CliffRose]

Ds's first experience with death was at about the same age. Our cat got hit by a car, but ds didn't see it so I had the choice to tell him the truth or not. I told him the truth, and we had a kitty funeral where we talked about how a nice cat he was and how he was going to another place. Ds took it fine. He talked about the cat for many months, but was ok with it. Eventually, we got another cat.

[georgia]

I would most definitely tell him the truth I know it can be confusing, and we want often want to protect children from feeling the very strong emotions and don't want them to be sad.

FYI Ds is very sensitive so I do know he'll be very sad about his quail. But I also feel liek this is how we learn about death and learn to appreciate life.

I would totally agree

I do think this is an opportunity to discuss life cycle, love, memories, etc. Here are a few helpful Mothering articles:

http://www.mothering.com/health/coff...n-and-funerals

http://mothering.com/health/it-wont-...through-trauma