WWYD? DS is 4 and often refuses to use the potty

[Dreaming]

He was pretty well potty learned a year ago at 3 and I left town for a week. DH put DS back in diapers after a few days. DS has barely been interested in using the toilet ever since. He will use it. He even knows how to take his own pants off and sit on the "big" toilet without assistance. He just doesn't want to and is quite vocal about it. I would prefer this wasn't a battle.

He is in a pull-up at night and stays completely dry, but during the day he dribbles (he is used to emptying his bladder whenever since he wore a diaper for so long). If I put him in a pull-up during the day, he usually pees in it (like a diaper). I can sometimes get him to use the potty and sometimes not. Often, he yells "I'M NOT GOING POTTY!" and I'm certainly not going to drag him kicking and screaming to the bathroom.
He will wait until the pull-up leaks to tell me he's wet and needs the toilet.

If I put him in underwear during the day, he dribbles the entire time and needs clean pants every 30 minutes. He will use the toilet early in the day but by the end, he's screaming he won't go to the potty and will sit in wet pants. This was not the case in the beginning. He did and has stayed dry in the past.

I'm tempted to put him back in a pull-up (maybe invest in some cloth instead) and wait until he's willing to go to the toilet on his own instead of feeling like I'm pushing just because I know he "can".
As it stands, we are stuck in the house because he won't stay dry for long.
Also, we are moving cross country in 3 weeks. He likes using public restrooms, so I'm thinking we stand a chance of him potty learning then (and staying dry all day) and then we can transition into regular potty use at the new house. I hope.

Am I nuts to put him back into a pull-up or cloth trainers (btw, if you know any good ones, spam me)?

[fairyannanicole]

Is this a time where you can let him win this battle for the time being? It may be nothing more than a "battle of the wills" so to speak and he may be determined to win

[claras_mom]

Sounds to me as if it's become a power struggle. Back way off and relax; let him take back control.

BTDT.

[Dreaming]

Originally Posted by fairyannanicole

Is this a time where you can let him win this battle for the time being? It may be nothing more than a "battle of the wills" so to speak and he may be determined to win

Oh totally. I do work with him at his own pace. I just don't want to do him a disservice by not at least attempting to assist with his potty learning, you know? Honestly, it's less stress when he's in a pull-up and the potty is novel but not necessary. I'm leaning toward doing just that (putting him into a pull-up again) but I want to make absolutely sure it's a good idea first.

I think I'm hoping for someone to say their kid was JUST like this and they did (insert magical thingy here) and in no time at all, *poof*. Potty trained.

M&M's have proved to be less than motivating.

[Dreaming]

Originally Posted by claras_mom

Sounds to me as if it's become a power struggle. Back way off and relax; let him take back control.

BTDT.

I'll just see how he does for the rest of the day and maybe just put him in a pull-up so he can go to the park with his daddy later.

[claras_mom]

My experience with my older dd was that she was textbook ready, but, you know...hadn't read the textbook. M&M's and other rewards only worked to a point. Basically, it just had to become something important to her. No magic bullet.

For a cross-country trip, I'd definitely not stress the potty learning. Pull ups seem a good idea for that. You could still take advantage of his fondness for public restrooms and all that.

[Dreaming]

Well, I put him back into a pull-up after he came to me saying he was wet. Understatement.
I suggested we put him in training pants and he was happy with that. I'm just going to lay off the subject for the most part. I will suggest a "lets go to the potty" here and there as long as he is willing and see how it goes.

Thanks so much for the input. It's quite helpful when all the kids at our park appear to be PL at his age and younger.

[claras_mom]

Dd's very best friend, only three days older, potty learned a full year and a half (or more) before dd did. Both girls really smart; got along like two peas in a pod.

A friend of mine--daughter is in her early 20s--once remarked that she didn't even remember because it just happened (like at 2 or 3 or something), with the implication that it must be something I was doing to make pottying Not Happen.

Try not to think about the other kids. Definitely don't think of it as having really anything to do with you.

I'll tell you what else: dd at 5 and a bit is only now not wearing a pull-up at night. I thought about trying to make it happen on my terms, then other than really casually saying that of course some day she wouldn't wear pull-ups at night anymore, I left it alone. She's made the choice. Had one accident. I'm not saying there won't be more bed-wetting happening at some point, but I think it does make a difference that she got to choose.

[Dreaming]

Originally Posted by claras_mom

Dd's very best friend, only three days older, potty learned a full year and a half (or more) before dd did. Both girls really smart; got along like two peas in a pod.

A friend of mine--daughter is in her early 20s--once remarked that she didn't even remember because it just happened (like at 2 or 3 or something), with the implication that it must be something I was doing to make pottying Not Happen.

Try not to think about the other kids. Definitely don't think of it as having really anything to do with you.

I'll tell you what else: dd at 5 and a bit is only now not wearing a pull-up at night. I thought about trying to make it happen on my terms, then other than really casually saying that of course some day she wouldn't wear pull-ups at night anymore, I left it alone. She's made the choice. Had one accident. I'm not saying there won't be more bed-wetting happening at some point, but I think it does make a difference that she got to choose.

Yeah. I do my best not to compare. It's really bad because I have DD who is 20 months older and did everything crazy early. She was singing the alphabet at 17 months and DS was barely talking at all on his 3rd birthday.
She is almost 6 and still wears a pull-up at night. Beats doing laundry every morning I say. I do think she'd be fine if I could get her to lay off the water before bed, but like you said, it's their choice.

I'm dealing with some backlash today and DS is barely letting me change his pull-up, but I have told him he doesn't have to use the potty. I just want him to be dry. He actually went once of his own accord.

[moonyoungi]

What does he do when he's naked??

[lucyem]

My DS turned 4 in August. He was still in pull ups "just in case". One day at school around Nov he noticed his friend did not wear pull ups. He asked me why and I explained the friend used the potty. Overnight my DS was using the potty all the time and no more pull ups.

I will point out we moved last year and had a lot of changes in our life. I purposefully ignored potty training other then asking now and then. I figured we had enough to deal with and pull ups were easier.

[Dreaming]

Originally Posted by moonyoungi

What does he do when he's naked??

He asks for pants incessantly until I put some on him.
I have put him in just underpants, but he'll get on his hands and knees and pee right through them onto the floor (that way the pee doesn't run down his legs). He is clever.

Originally Posted by lucyem

My DS turned 4 in August. He was still in pull ups "just in case". One day at school around Nov he noticed his friend did not wear pull ups. He asked me why and I explained the friend used the potty. Overnight my DS was using the potty all the time and no more pull ups.

I will point out we moved last year and had a lot of changes in our life. I purposefully ignored potty training other then asking now and then. I figured we had enough to deal with and pull ups were easier.

That's cool. I'm aiming for a nice smooth transition just like you describe. It makes a lot of sense just to wait until they are ready and train themselves (literally) overnight.