When the life you lead is not the one you want

[confustication]

I'm blessed to live close to my parents- I have a fabulous relationship with them, and they are very involved in my kids' lives. I really don't want to not live within easy distance of them.

However, I'm miserable.

I can not earn a reasonable income here. I'm not talking huge, but more above the poverty line would be a great start.

I live in a very conservative/mainstream area. As one might gather by my presence on MDC, I'm neither. I don't have friends here I can relate to.

Because our income is currently so low, I do not have the resources to head elsewhere. Also, the COL here is so low that we are able to exist.

I feel trapped between wanting to be close to family and living in very inexpensive housing, and wanting to pull up and start over hopefully finding somewhere I can make a living wage. (I have advanced degrees, there really is no job market here. However, I've been out of my field for so long it's completely starting over.)

How can I begin to make peace with these realities and move forward, either accepting not getting by and not having friends here, or accepting the loss of family connections that are profoundly important to me?

[chimomma]

That's tough.

I don't have any advice for you, but just wanted to let you know I feel for you.

I have felt the same way living in my home town. I left and am happy with my decision. But I did that before I had my own family and also my family is not that helpful either way. I do dearly wish I had more family in my childrens' life. It is hard being away from all relatives.

Maybe it would work for you to stay close to them while the kids are young and when they grow up a little and become more independent that could be your time to focus more on pursuing your own interest and possible changing towns.

[jeteaa]

I think you need to take a more adult approach to your relationship w/ your parents and "move out".

[lolar2]

How far away would you have to move in order to make more money? Are we talking an hour away, or across the country?

[BreakfastyMichele]

I'm a list maker, but it seems as if you've already weighed the situations against each other.

My suggestion: you don't have to make this decision yet. You're weighing what you know against a slew of hypotheticals.

Do what you can do now: look for work in another area. If and when you are asked to interview, look for affordable housing simultaneously. If you find a job that works for you, in an area where you can live above the poverty line, then you have a decision to make.

Because I've picked up and moved a couple times, and because I put my immediate family above all else, I suggest you make the move if it seems financially feasible.

Your family already has strong ties to your kids, so those ties will move with you. While your kids may not see your family as often as you'd like, your kids will be growing up with 1) a less-stressed mama and 2) more financial security.

Good luck! Keep us posted.