"play with me" ALL THE TIME

[Hoopin' Mama]

X posted in Childhood Years, I'd really like to get some different perspectives on this.


My 5.5 yo wants us to play with him ALL THE TIME. I know other people deal with this and there have been discussions about kids who don't play with toys.

What I need to know, though, is how to just make him understand to STOP ASKING ME TO PLAY WITH HIM ALL THE TIME.

Example: I'm making dinner tonight, and he stands near me chanting "play with me." Non-stop. And it's in a demanding way, not a whiny way, and I don't really know which would be worse.

This is just one example and it's like this all the time. No exaggeration. He's an only child.

I have tried everything. I was telling him the whole time that I would play with him when I got everything in the oven, please have patience, please find something to do and I'll let you know when I'm ready, etc. etc.

I have also explained to him, ad nauseum, that dinner has to be made, no one else here to make it, he can help if he'd like, do you want me to get you some playdough, yaddayaddayadda.

I'm at the point where I just want to yell "OMG STOP IT. AND IF YOU CAN'T STOP IT, PLEASE WALK AWAY AND DO IT SOMEWHERE ELSE."

I mean, seriously, isn't he old enough to understand that he cannot have my attention every single solitary freaking moment of the day?? Isn't he old enough to understand that I have work that needs to be done, and why exactly can't he play with the bazillion toys he has around the house that he won't let me donate??

You know, I don't hold my parent's parenting skills in very high regard, but I would have been sent straight out the back door if I had done that. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm too soft.

Whew, I needed to get that off my chest.

Any advice??

[briome]

Hey, mine too!
I don't really do much 'playing' with him, we do crafts and other stuff like that togther, His Dad plays with him and gets the same question constantly without any concept of waiting or time or space.

Our sons crave interaction and stimulation without any concept of what we are doing or feeling. It is exausting having thease super gregarious children.

Ideas for managing the NEED>
Invite a friend over, often. Having another child with whom yours plays well is great for both of them and I am sure some Mom you know could use a break, and then trade sometime. Peers can soothe some of this.

Get a book of mazes, worksheets etc and have him work on them in the kitchen with you or where ever you are doing your thing. At least the need is focused on "what do I do on this page?" not on "Play with me" so is more specific and less annoying. We do playdough or other table stuff too sometime.

If he is good at talking on the phone, call a Grandma or an aunt who might enjoy it, or even a speaker phone so you can keep the conversation going. An outlet for the talking!!!!

Another outlet that my son likes it things that record your voice and let you play it back, my son could do that for hours! What captivates your son? Spray some shaving cream on the bathroom mirror and tell him to make a picture...you get at least 20 minutes if he thinks that is fun!

Good luck!

[zinemama]

Have you sat him down and said, "It is not my job to play with you all the time. I'm not going to play with you now. Find something else to do." ?

[Hoopin' Mama]

Originally Posted by zinemama

Have you sat him down and said, "It is not my job to play with you all the time. I'm not going to play with you now. Find something else to do." ?

Yup. I swear I've tried everything. That's why I'm seriously starting to think I should just say Hey kiddo, go outside. Now.

Is getting kicked outside to play such a bad thing? (The weather is beautiful here, almost all the time).

[zinemama]

Originally Posted by Hoopin' Mama

Yup. I swear I've tried everything. That's why I'm seriously starting to think I should just say Hey kiddo, go outside. Now.

Is getting kicked outside to play such a bad thing? (The weather is beautiful here, almost all the time).

Of course it's not a bad thing. Why wouldn't you tell him to go outside and play?

[Hoopin' Mama]

I tell him to go out and play. He will not. At this point it's when it starts to feel ridiculous. As if sending him out to play is turning into a struggle between us. Like I literally have to make him go play against his will.

Please understand, it's not that I don't want to be with him. He is just having a really hard time understanding he can't have all my attention all the time.

Sigh. I think we just had a bad day. Maybe other days I deal with it better.

[joanna0707]

Can he help you with the dinner or play on the counter while you prepare it?

[meemee]

what does he mean by 'play with me'.

does he mean drop everything, go to his room and play with his toys...

or he would like to hang out with you.

i think this is a natural thing with onlies.

i have gotten used to that with my dd so it doesnt bother me too much.

but many times (and i remember 5.5 was when she went thru a needy stage - though she is not far away from that even now at 7 1/2).

in your case i would say i would love to play but i am making dinner. if you want you can stay here and play in a way i can join you. so wanna play knock knock jokes,.... or something verbal like that. sometimes dd does her hw in the kitchen while i am cooking and she asks me a bunch of questions.

dunno. i have seen if there are others around - my dd doesnt miss me or ask for me. but when its just the both of us seh feels left out if i am doing something without including her.

[berry987]

My 5 yo son is very social and generally wants *someone* to play with at all times. He has two brothers, so that helps, but otherwise, he spends a lot of time playing with neighbor kids. Do you have any neighbor kids the same age? When my son gets antsy and bored I send him out to knock on his friends' doors. Just going outside by himself doesn't work most of the time - he wants a playmate. Any options for getting more playmates around dinner time?

[jillmamma]

Originally Posted by joanna0707

Can he help you with the dinner or play on the counter while you prepare it?

That is my approach...I say I need to make dinner. You can help me get it done faster then we can play or do something else so I can do what I need to do.

I remember growing up, my little brother always wanted us to play certain board games with him, which us older ones would for awhile, but eventually wanted to go do our own thing. My sister told my little brother to go play it with "me, myself and I". So my little brother sets up the game with 4 players, and played it that way, taking turns for "me", "myself", "I" and "Mike". Of course, since he was doing all the playing, he also could make sure that "Mike" won, LOL.

[NellieKatz]

WOW do I hear you on this issue!! It has gotten much better (he is now 7) but my only-child had me climbing the walls at one point. I don't have time to write at this exact moment but you can write to me offlist if you want to chat with another mom-of-an-only who can totally understand what you are saying. :-)

I do have some ideas but I have to run so I can't elaborate at the moment...

[colsxjack]

Maybe you can try getting a timer. Set it for 1/2 hour and give him some play time. Do something like lego or go outside or play a game, whatever he wants. Tell him when the timer goes off you have t go make dinner. Set the timer again fir 1/2 hour or 45 minutes or whatever you need. Tell him that you are not available for playing until the timer goes off again.

Maybe that will work? If you give him some good quality play time right before having to make dinner, where you just concentrate on him, maybe he will feel content for a bit and give you some space. Maybe set him up at the table with some crayons or whatever he likes to do.