Almost 5 year old stole $ from older sibling (I think)

[4Marmalade]

Here's the story: My dd1 will be 5 in May. Last night we came home from swimming and because she was pretty much asleep in the car we put her in bed (ds1's bed because they have been sleeping together). I took the almost 2 year old's to bed and dh went to read to ds1. At some point dd1 woke up and came out to the living room for a story with dh. When I went to check on the older two in bed later ds1 told me that he thought dd1 had some of his money under the pillow. Ds1 had been counting his money on the floor of his room and there were coins there. I asked dd to give me the money as I did not want her sleeping with loose change all over the bed. She refused, saying it was hers and not wanting to give it up. I ended up getting her to her room and talking to her and asked her to show me where she got the money. She could not come up with an answer (it was in this bag, but I don't have the bag anymore, I got it from a friend at school and it was in my backpack, etc..) Nothing really made sense and I am 99% sure she took it from the floor in ds's room. But when I told her it was not OK to take someone else's money and she needed to give it back she got very upset and insisted it was hers and started sobbing saying she would give it back anyways even though it was hers. I backed off because she was extremely tired and it was past bedtime for everyone. I told her I would hold on to the money for now and we would talk about it in the morning.

So, now how do I proceed today? Ideally, I want her to say "OK, I took it, I'm sorry, I know it was wrong and I'll give it back". But chances are that's not going to happen. How can I word it so I am not forcing her to give it back and not telling her she's wrong or taking ds's side. I don't have actual proof that it is ds's money but there really is no other reasonable explanation for her to have $3-4 in change. Also, this morning I gave her a tissue to use and one minute later it was on the floor and when I asked her to pick it up she insisted it was not hers. So, this seems to be a phase she's going through.

Thinking about it now, the money has been put aside since last night so in all likelihood she has forgotten about it and I could just give it back to ds but I'm not sure I should just forget the whole thing ever happened.

[emmalizz]

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[lolar2]

When I was substitute teaching, most of the kids would start to learn about the value of money in math class in second or third grade. So it's likely that a 5-year-old doesn't really recognize that money is very different from any other "treasure"; which means you can treat it the way you'd treat stealing a toy or some other object, if that helps.

[4Marmalade]

Originally Posted by emmalizz

does your ds know how much money he had? is he actually missing any?

He doesn't know. He had just opened his piggy bank to count his money and had coins in a pile on his floor. We have since talked about leaving money lying around .

[4Marmalade]

Originally Posted by lolar2

When I was substitute teaching, most of the kids would start to learn about the value of money in math class in second or third grade. So it's likely that a 5-year-old doesn't really recognize that money is very different from any other "treasure"; which means you can treat it the way you'd treat stealing a toy or some other object, if that helps.

Dd is only beginning to recognize the value of money and she has been going through a phase where she likes to play with coins (real and pretend) so I'm not expecting her to get the stealing money thing. I'm just not sure how to approach it so she knows that taking something of someone else is not OK. In the past we have always been able to tell one child's "treasures" from the other. Maybe I'm overthinking this. It just kind of feels like I should be teaching some sort of life lesson here