Getting kids to help with house tasks...especially cleaning!

[Mama Doula]

I would appreciate some ideas or suggestions for getting my kids (10 and 9 years old) to help with house tasks, cleaning, organizing...basic chores without having them complaining all the time. I have created a list of tasks and they have signed up for it but they don't seem to be happy about having to do house work at anytime!

Thank you!!!!

[dex_millie]

Not sure how to answer since I don't have kids that age, but I would think it is normal for them to not want to do work. It is nice that you have them sign up for things. They can also switch which each other if they want and that they have equal amout of chores. Growing up I had to do the cleaning, dishes, ect.. every day and my brother just had to take the trash out a couple times a week, which was 1 minute walk from our house and that was it!

I don't think my parents could have made chores something I was happy to do, I just did them because I had too. I was really happy when my father would help me at times though.

[nd_deadhead]

Honestly, how many adults are truly happy about doing housework? Why should we expect more from our children? But acknowledge their feelings - agree that it sure would be nice if you had a maid, wouldn't it? But since you don't, and things need to get done, you might as well all pull together and do it.

I have several suggestions. First of all, chores are not negotiable,a nd no amount of complaining will get you out of it (right, Mom?) I tell my kids that I'm not asking them to do chores to make them miserable, or because I'm too lazy to do them myself (or ask them why THEY think you want them to help out around the house). In our house, everyone does chores because everyone lives in the house.

I started my twin sons on chores early on - I remember them putting flatware away in the drawer before they could even see over the edge (so forks and spoons were all mixed up). Every year on their birthday I would announce "Hey, you're X years old today - that means you're old enough to put clothes in the dryer!" They fell for it, and would be excited about their new ability (not job).

A few things that might help: have everyone work together. I get annoyed when I'm doing housework and everyone else is watching TV. I'm a lot less annoyed if everyone else is doing something productive.

Set a timer, so you all do what you need to do for 15 minutes. Jobs that don't get finished in that time can be done in another 15 minute block later on.

Are your kids into music yet? Let each one choose a CD for cleaning time, and crank it up!

When the job is done, don't make a huge deal out of it - simply say "Thanks for your help" or "I'm glad I didn't have to do all that by myself - now we have time to go for a bikeride together".

[Lolagirl]

I'm starting to work on this as well now that my kids are approaching age 5. So far I've had the most success with trying to be as playful as possible about getting stuff done. We have races to see who can get their respective task done first, and I make sure to give them lots and lots of positive reinforcement when they cooperate with me (lots of thank yous and telling them how helpful they are being, both boys really seem to respond well to that right now.) I know the positive reinforcement part is kind of controversial, but my kids really seem to like hearing that I appreciate their help.

I'm also not afraid to sometimes give them a reward for bigger projects like getting the whole playroom cleaned out (usually something like a cookie for dessert) but I try to make that pretty infrequent so that it continues to be a big deal when it does happen.

Who knows if it will stick as they get older. I'm hoping that by starting when the boys are young it might be less of a power struggle then if I had waited until they were older to get them into doing chores.

[nola79]

Pretty much exactly what nd deadhead said...I don't know how to quote.

[Alyantavid]

Mine are a bit younger, but sticker charts worked well, even with my now 8 year old. They both like having "jobs" that I randomly assign too. But I don't think they're real thrilled with doing, but neither is anyone else, it's just what has to be done.

At that age, I'd probably explain why it needs to be done and why they need to know how to do it and pitch in.

[savithny]

The best way I've found to get everyone up and working is simply to declare "Work time," when *everyone* works. So its not "You go do your chores now, and I will be doing my stuff at a different time."

We have house rules like "after dinner, everyone works to clean up before anyone does anything fun." So the dishes are done, food put away, table swiped, and floor swept. It also usually includes a quick pickup of the living room at the same time. No TV or other games can happen until all of the tasks are done.

We also have Weekly Cleaning Hour, which is a relatively new thing (I'm trying to re-start a few Flylady habits that fell by the wayside as the kids got bigger and we moved to a new house. Again, during Weekly Cleaning Hour, we are all working on housework at the same time - no one is getting "off the hook," and at the end, we can look around and really see the results of what we've done.

[mommy2maya]

We started young with our kids, and it just IS. My three older kids put all of their folded laundry away, they clear and set the table, do clean ups in their play areas, take out the trash, etc etc etc. Sometimes my son will get annoyed about having to do stuff, he says I should have hired a maid, lol. But honestly, I just can't get into sticker charts or rewards for doing their part.

[Mama Doula]

Thank you ladies! Lots of your suggestions and ideas are great! My kids are big enougth to understand the need for help but they still complain. Of course I don't like cleaning either, I think we need a more organized system, I'll work on that!

Thanks again! I appeciate your ideas and support!

[velochic]

Originally Posted by Lolagirl

I know the positive reinforcement part is kind of controversial, but my kids really seem to like hearing that I appreciate their help.

Ditto. Dd is 8 and this definitely works for us. If she had the choice between playing outside or cleaning, of course she'd rather play. So would I. But when I tell her that I need her help, she does it without complaining and says that some things are even fun. For example, she likes running the vacuum (we have hardwood floors and this works better than sweeping), she enjoys doing all the cleaning that I do with vinegar (everything but wood, which I use lemon oil on). Other things she does regularly to help out are dishes (drying), making meals, making the bed (we still co-sleep), and folding/putting away clothes.

When she helps, I make sure she knows that she made my job easier, freed up some of my time, gave us some time together (we play some as we clean), and that she does a really excellent job. She doesn't get allowance to do this. She gets an allowance whether she helps or not.