Questions from new mom on 6 wk old

[Vvivo]

Hi,
So, my son is 6 weeks old and I'm still trying to figure this parenting stuff out. In the beginning he slept a lot, so it was just diaper change, feeding, and sleep. This was nice because I could do stuff while he slept. There wasn't hardly anytime that he was simply awake just to be awake. But I'm wondering that if he's starting to want to be awake more. I can't ever seem to put him down without him being fussy. He's never awake and just happy if he's not feeding. Should he still be sleeping whenever he's not feeding at this age? Is he fussy because he's tired? I have also read that 6 weeks is the peak of fussiness. But why?

Bottom line: What am I doing wrong? Or am I doing anything wrong? I never ever want to let him cry, so I spend what is sometimes my entire day comforting him or trying to get him to sleep. But then I can't do anything else. Or is this something that he will just grow out of (hopefully soon)?

[briome]

6 weeks is a growth spurt, more hungry, more growing etc.
You are not doing anything wrong! I also have some challenge at the infant age and I am about to have my third so please do not feel you are the only one.

Have you tried babywearing to help soothe him while you can do other things? He likely just wants to be with you, touching you.

The first couple months REALLY go by fast and in that time your baby will 'organize' himself into sleeping longer periods of time etc. He will slowly be able to focus more with his eyes and other subtle advances that you may not even notice but may 'mess-up" what you think he might be doing next.

[crunchy_mommy]

I doubt you're doing anything wrong!!! It could be colic, he could just be a high-needs baby, etc. If he is fed, warm, & dry then try holding him, wearing him, swaddling him, singing to him, taking him outside (even this young DS LOVED the fresh air & cried when we came inside!) bouncing, swinging, reading to him, taking him for a walk, etc.

~6 weeks is usually a big growth spurt so that could be part of it (and he may also be hungrier & sleepier if that's the case)...

(Not to scare you but) my 14mo DS always was & still is just like that. He never wants to be put down, and once he started sleeping less it was even harder because I felt like I was just always always comforting him. I remember it getting a little better around 4mos & again around 9mos and now I still can't do things like cooking or laundry but he is happier for longer periods. For my DS, it's just that he is very very high needs, which I can describe more if you're interested but like I said, your DS could just be going through a phase or growth spurt. I never could & still can't do anything when I'm 'in charge' of him -- he even sleeps on me & ONLY with me. But I know that is less common & most moms are able to at least throw in a load of laundry or make a sandwich!

For YOUR sake I suggest trying to take some time each day to yourself -- have your husband, parent, friend, whoever come and take care of the baby & help around the house a bit so you can get some rest & relaxation & peace and quiet. That was hard for me to do because I wanted to be there for my DS whenever he was upset, but I would just start getting too drained & frustrated to be any use to him. I spent a lot of time in the early weeks taking long baths (with the vent & the radio on so I wouldn't hear him crying) or reading a book in the car while DH watched him, and I was still close by if DS needed to nurse or was really inconsolable.

[nola79]

My dd did the same thing at that age. It improved at around 8 weeks, she started to be more alert, and awake without crying. It doesn't sound like you are doing anything wrong. Babies cry. As long as you are responding to the cry, you're ok.
DD cried A LOT at that age, now she is much calmer and not high needs.

[lizsky]

No real advice, but just wanted to offer a and say that I understand...I'm also a first time mama with a 6 week old DD and she has become much fussier recently. Many days I feel like the ONLY thing I've done all day is comfort her. Everyone tells me it will get better and I'm hoping it will for both of us!

[Llyra]

I doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong at all. At that age, my kids rarely stayed awake for more than an hour at a time, and most of that time was spent eating. My DS in particular was only happy when he was sleeping or feeding; he didn't really start to enjoy his awake time until he could reach for toys and sit up with some support, which happens around 4 months, give or take a bit depending on the child.

When he's ready to have active, alert times, he'll let you know by having them, all on his own. One day he'll surprise you by pulling off the nipple and looking around the room instead of either falling asleep or crying.

Infants in my experience generally need to sleep about an hour to ninety minutes after waking, with maybe one longer stretch of two hours in the evening, until they're ready to settle into a two-nap schedule, which happens in the second half of the year. Until then, they will get terribly overtired if you keep them up longer, and be miserable and overstimulated and find it impossible to settle to sleep.

The fussiness seems to be related to nervous system development, and to the intense need for sleep. And the constant wanting to nurse while awake has a lot of purposes-- to keep baby from being overwhelmed by the big wide world, to help baby manage stress and upset, to stimulate a full milk supply, and to ensure optimal growth, among many other reasons.

You can't go wrong by following baby's cues. If he's cranky, he needs to be fed and then helped to fall asleep, and you're doing just exactly right by responding to that need. It does seem like at this stage you're doing nothing but rocking, feeding, and changing, doesn't it? It's all normal and it'll change slowly as he grows and develops.

How has baby's weight gain been? Has he offered you any smiles? Can he lift his head a bit while on his belly, enough to get his nose in the air? Those are all clues you can look at to see that everything is going well.

[Mom2M]

You aren't doing anything wrong! It takes time to get used to what they want and just when I think I have it all figured out, she changes her "routine"!
Maybe he's looking for something to do. You could try holding a mirror up to him or a toy, something like that.

[Rowansmama]

I'd recommend getting the Baby Whisperer book. Her big thing is getting baby on a routine, which was invaluable for my first and now I'm doing with my second. It's not a schedule, you basically get baby on a routine of eat, play, and sleep. It really helps you figure out why your baby is fussy and what to do.

For instance, your baby wakes up, so you feed him. Then you do an activity (at this age, it is probably just you holding him, him looking at you, etc). Then it's time for sleep.

Say your baby eats, and is fussy 5 minutes later. You know he's not hungry, so it's probably a digestive issue. If he's eaten, had a bit of activity, and is fussy half an hour later, you know he's getting sleepy and it's time for a nap.

I read her book when my DD1 was about 3 months old and it helped me figure out what she wanted. I started DD2 on the routine when she came home and it's starting to click finally.

Another book I really liked was the Happiest Baby on the Block.

Good luck...it WILL get better. These early weeks can be tough!

[Llyra]

Originally Posted by Rowansmama

I'd recommend getting the Baby Whisperer book. Her big thing is getting baby on a routine, which was invaluable for my first and now I'm doing with my second. It's not a schedule, you basically get baby on a routine of eat, play, and sleep. It really helps you figure out why your baby is fussy and what to do.

For instance, your baby wakes up, so you feed him. Then you do an activity (at this age, it is probably just you holding him, him looking at you, etc). Then it's time for sleep.

Say your baby eats, and is fussy 5 minutes later. You know he's not hungry, so it's probably a digestive issue. If he's eaten, had a bit of activity, and is fussy half an hour later, you know he's getting sleepy and it's time for a nap.

I read her book when my DD1 was about 3 months old and it helped me figure out what she wanted. I started DD2 on the routine when she came home and it's starting to click finally.

Another book I really liked was the Happiest Baby on the Block.

Good luck...it WILL get better. These early weeks can be tough!

Please be careful with the Baby Whisperer books. There are some good ideas in there, but there is also an awful lot of misinformation about breastfeeding, including the idea that a baby who's just recently nursed doesn't need to nurse again, and the idea that nursing to sleep is a bad idea. Breastfeeding on a routine, (even if you call it that rather than a schedule) rather than following baby's cues, can lead to premature weaning and can undermine your milk supply. Infants naturally nurse very often, often multiple times in one awakening, and often a lot more frequently than we think they "should." They do that for very real, important reasons, and advising mamas to try and limit nursing to its certain place in a routine is damaging advice. It certainly doesn't always happen that problems result, and a wise mama can take the good advice and leave the bad, but I'm just saying it's worth reading them with a cautious open mind.

I would highly recommend the Happiest Baby on the Block, however. That is good humane gentle advice that is in line with what we know about infant development. The book can help you understand your newborn better, and help you learn more effective ways of soothing crying. It is a book specifically tailored to the first three months, however, for newborns-- so if you're going to get it, get it soon! The video is also very helpful, especially if you prefer visuals to learn new thingsl.

[blessedwithboys]

did you have a medicated birth? it could be that db was sleepy bc of that, plus the 6wk growth spurt.

get a baby sling or wrap so you can meet db's need for contact (normal and biologically appropriate!) while meeting yourown need not to spend the day in bed rocking and patting.

[lucy_v]

Vvivo.. I'm also a first time mom w/a 6 week old, and my days sound a lot like yours! I was asking myself the same questions, so I started keeping a log of DD's feeding, diapers, and sleeping, and it really helped me see what was going on. I found i was focusing so much on nursing & burping her, i wasn't helping her sleep enough. I don't keep notes constantly, but when i feel like i'm getting overwhelmed & feeling like i'm doing everything wrong, it helps to see where i can change what i'm doing (e.g. trying to burp her when, really, she's overtired!), or recognize something that's going on with her (e.g. nursing more/growth spurt). I'm pretty disorganized though, so you may not need to do this.

Is your son interacting with you at all yet? My DD has made a big change in just the last few days, interacting a lot, smiling (laughing, even!). I read in the Sears Baby Book about this activity you can try with babes at this age: look at him/her and slowly stick out your tongue. My DD finds this very amusing, and sometimes she will stick her own tongue out. She's also entertained by raspberries, fish lips, and whistling.

[Asiago]

Welcome to Motherhood
I was in constant motion those first few months. Babies like motion, it's comforting. Swaying, bouncing, rocking, slow dancing, they like it all.
It's comforting and familiar, like the motion they felt while in the womb, when your body was moving.

Purchasing a sling or baby carrier and wearing your baby will keep your baby in motion while you do your thing around the house. The motion, warmth of your body and beat of your heart will help to soothe your baby. After all, it is quite a transition from 40 weeks in your body to the outside world.

Best wishes (you'll do great).

PS
-someone mentioned 'patting'.
Babies like that too. If you 'pat' in rhythm of a heart beat on the soles of their feet, or their back or diaper it will help relax the baby. Again, a reminder of the womb, and the womb is familiar and safe, so the beat is reassuring reminder.

[MrsMcC]

I felt the same way when Harmony was 6 weeks old. I actually felt guilty, being a new stay at home mom, for not being able to "get more done around the house". But the last few weeks she has begun to chill in the swing a little more, not every time, mind you, but if I put her down and she looks mellow- i get on a load of dishes or my shower FAST! Worst case- you leave the dishes to soak or scrub up a little faster. Now, not every baby is apparently as "easy" as mine- I'm one of the lucky ones. But rest assured- you aren't doing anything wrong by keeping your little one happy.

[CookAMH]

This was probably said, but he's likely bored and wanting some interraction . Lay him on your upright knees while sitting on the couch so he can look close at you and make faces, smile talk, move his arms up and down. walk him around your home and show him things, go outside, talk to him, lay him on belly and lay down facing him and engage. Put shiny objects or things was contrast in front of him. He's growing and developing and wants some mamma fun! Enjoy!

[erthfemme]

My daughter is now 6 weeks and she is finally sleeping more! She was a lot like your son from 3weeks up until just recently where it seemed like she was extremely fussy and I'd spend hours trying to soothe her.

It's interesting how babies handle growth spurts differently and it seems like babies have their preferences for soothing. My LO's preferences change daily/hourly sometimes - I end up going through a lot of different things (dancing, walks, the sling, sunshine and fresh air, sometimes just being left on her own, etc) before finding what she needs. It takes more time and work than I anticipated to learn how to read baby, but it does get easier!