Today I was asked to cover up...

[stealthmode]

...by my own mother.

She works in a popular higher-end furniture retail store, and I took DD (3 months) in for a visit today. My mom loves to show her off to her coworkers and I'm happy to oblige. But my mom was also a formula-feeding mom, and she is definitely uncomfortable by me breastfeeding DD, especially in front of other people.

DD started to fuss a little while we were visiting, and I asked my mom where a good spot would be to feed her. She pointed me to a chair in the middle of the store, and then asked if I had something "to cover up with." She was getting really flustered as I sat down to nurse and said something about going off to find me something to cover up with. I said we were just fine, I didn't need a cover, DD hates having things over her face anyway.

I was getting really upset (though trying not to show it) and DD could sense my discomfort and wouldn't latch. She continued to fuss so I just decided to leave.

What would you have done? What can I do/say to be a better lactivist in this situation?

The problem I have is that we are living at my parents' house right now while we are in the process of building a house, so I can't just avoid my mom. I need to know what I can do or say without anger and emotion getting the best of me.

If this were anyone else, I would have already spread the word and organized a nurse-in!

Help.

[crunchy_mommy]

That's tough since it was your own mom!!! I guess I would've just firmly told her, No mom, I don't need a cover, and just fed the baby. But I probably would've felt the same as you, too flustered & tense to get DS to nurse well.

[Paigekitten]

My mother doesn't care for the way I nurse either. I tend to just fling it out and latch the baby, and I have pretty large breasts too. When I am around my mother I try and compromise. I NEVER EVER cover my baby's head, but I might pull my shirt up instead of down, sit next to a wall on the nursing side, and sometimes I have "found a more comfortable spot" when my teenage brother and father are in the room and I can't hid nipple, because I love them and I know that they are uncomfortable with that. Strangers, who cares, family, I love them and want to respect their feelings too.

[jecombs]

It sounds like you did great! Yes, you got a bit flustered, but who wouldn't have? The more you nurse in front of your Mom and NIP, the more comfortable it becomes. Unfortunately, there's no magic bullet to make you feel instantly calm and assertive in those situations.

Personally, I think the best lactivist thing you can do is just continue to nurse your DD when and how you see fit and keeping saying "no thanks" when offered a cover by family members. No need to make additional waves or tension, especially when you're living with extended family.

[smpayne]

I would give your mom a pass on this one. It's not like you were in a public park or the middle of the mall NIP, you were in her place of employment. You weren't there as a client/customer you were just visiting. If customers did complain, it could effect her job (just because you were visiting when she should have been working). If she had done that to a customer, that would be a different story.

[Minerva0302]

Tricky situation since it was your mom. Maybe she could have suggested a more tucked-away spot in the store where you wouldn't have been front and center? Then she wouldn't have wanted you to cover up so badly maybe? Sounds like you handled yourself well though. It's tough (for you and baby!) when your nursing gets put on the spot.

[Emmeline II]

I wore nursing tanks and normally nursed with a sling to help support the baby. I could position the sling to "shield" the baby without covering their head.

[stealthmode]

Thanks everyone. She ended up sort of apologizing in her own roundabout way later that evening. I could tell she felt bad about it.

Originally Posted by smpayne

I would give your mom a pass on this one. It's not like you were in a public park or the middle of the mall NIP, you were in her place of employment. You weren't there as a client/customer you were just visiting. If customers did complain, it could effect her job (just because you were visiting when she should have been working). If she had done that to a customer, that would be a different story.

See, the issue I have with it is that she has other mothers nurse in the store all the time and has TOLD me that, and yet for some reason she thinks it's different with her own daughter. Like I'm embarrassing her. Which kind of makes me think, after the other nursing mothers leave the store, do the employees snicker and gossip about it? Most of her coworkers had kids at least a decade ago and we live in an area with low bf rates on top of that, so I think a lot of her contemporaries think it's weird.

I should also mention I usually layer nursing tanks under other clothes, so I tend to have something covering the top of my breast when I'm in public. You know how that is--nobody would see anything they might consider "offensive" unless they leaned in to look. And I DEFINITELY show less skin than the teenage girls who walk past the store windows on their way to Abercrombie and Fitch...lol.

Oh well, I'm over it, I think the PP who mentioned giving family members a pass is probably right. In general they're pretty cool about it (I nurse at the dinner table, my teenage brother isn't too bothered by it, my dad doesn't leave the room anymore, etc). They're trying!

[HeliMom]

Tossing out an idea but maybe she's embarrassed because it's her daughter's breasts? You said she formula fed you, so she probably doesn't immediately associate breast with babyfood. She probably makes the breast=sexual body part connection. I know lots of mom's who might get flustered or embarrassed to the idea of someone seeing their daughter's "private parts" No matter how little, if any was exposed.

Good job for you expanding her mind about breastfeeding as natural.

[ewe+lamb]

It seems to me as if you've already done a good job at educating your family - it takes time and when your the first daughter doing this it's always harder - your paving the way for the others - lol, my sister did this for me - my mum who wasn't against but found the whold thing difficult is fine now and although she has her funny opinions she's come along to LLL meetings with me, and recognises when a baby needs to nurse etc - major steps forward - it sounds to me as if you're doing a great job!!

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by HeliMom

Tossing out an idea but maybe she's embarrassed because it's her daughter's breasts? You said she formula fed you, so she probably doesn't immediately associate breast with babyfood. She probably makes the breast=sexual body part connection. I know lots of mom's who might get flustered or embarrassed to the idea of someone seeing their daughter's "private parts" No matter how little, if any was exposed.

Yeah I wonder if that could be part of it?

My own mom BF me & my 3 siblings (no bottles or pump or anything!) but for some reason she always wants to shield me when I'm feeding DS in public. She will sit strategically to block me off or try to find a remote & isolated area for me to sit & BF.