Blended family birth announcement etiquette. - Page 2

[VocalMinority]

Originally Posted by ProtoLawyer

"Newbie, 8 pounds, 4 oz, 19.5 inches, furry like his dad, not yet cursing like his mom but give him time."

... from the Mommy of a 2-year-old, whom we're trying to coax out of exclaiming "What the Hell!?" He says it in perfect context, with perfect, outraged intonation. WTH, indeed!

[ProtoLawyer]

Originally Posted by Jeannine

... from the Mommy of a 2-year-old, whom we're trying to coax out of exclaiming "What the Hell!?" He says it in perfect context, with perfect, outraged intonation. WTH, indeed!

OT (but it's my own thread I'm hijacking so whatever)...

We knew we had to clean it up when my stepdaughter, then all of 2, toddled into the kitchen and looked up with extreme earnestness, and said, "Oh, s--t. The cat just barfed on the rug."

(We very quickly responded with, "oh SHOOT. Yeah, that is a pickle. SHOOT. Thank you for letting us know. SHOOT, now we need to clean it up.")

[Smithie]

"...to me it seems obvious: You simply can't leave out the big sister. It would be symbolically atrocious. If they won't allow you to say,
'...Newbie joins Big Sister, 7. Newbie is the couple's first child,'
then you dump the "first child" part, not the sibling reference."



If forced to choose, choose Big Sister over clarity. But it's OK to be a little bit peeved if you are forced to make such an asinine choice. Because blended families are hardly a radical new innovation among law school alumni.

[VocalMinority]

Originally Posted by ProtoLawyer

I wonder how moms of children with stepmothers would answer that--I've seen some posts here by mothers who have felt slighted by stepmothers when the stepmothers use terms like "my kids" or otherwise don't correct people when they assume the children are theirs biologically.

Although this type of thing with my kids' step-mom does cause me a split-second of discomfort, I'd rather she feel OK about being mistaken for their Mom than for her to seem so reluctant to have anyone think she's related to them that she'd announce that when it's just not pertinent. When you tell a store clerk, "My kid left his coat here. Did someone turn it in to lost and found?" the clerk could care less whether you gave birth to the kid or just married his dad. Frankly, it's a bit presumptuous to expect that the clerk wants to hear the specifics of your relationship, when she really just needs to look for the coat and get on with her job.

In a similar vein, people who read your law school's birth announcement but don't know you well enough to know you're Older Sib's Step-Mom don't care enough to need it explained to them. If they DO, they'll call you and say, "Congrats about Newbie! I didn't know about your older child! It's been so long since we talked!"... and you can fill them in on the details.

FWIW, the same sort of thing happens in reverse: Moms get called by the Step-Mom's name because people assume Mom has the same last name as the kids. I know this bugged my sons' Step-Mom, when she and my ex were newlyweds. Say she and I are both at a school function and one of the kids' classmates - who's not a friend of theirs, but still recognizes me as their Mom - says to me in passing, "Hi, Mrs. Ex!"... that kid does not care that I'm actually Mrs. New-Husband and this other woman is the new Mrs. Ex. It would be inappropriate for me to stop that kid and explain all that. So I just smile and wave. Just like I accept Step-Mom sometimes referring to my kids as hers, she has to accept this. It all balances out.

[violet_]

How about:

"Protolawyer (Law, '09) and Hubby welcomed BabyBoy on Date. BabyBoy is the couple's (or Protolawyer's) first child, and will be joining sister BigSis, 7, on his father's side."

[ProtoLawyer]

Originally Posted by Jeannine

FWIW, the same sort of thing happens in reverse: Moms get called by the Step-Mom's name because people assume Mom has the same last name as the kids. I know this bugged my sons' Step-Mom, when she and my ex were newlyweds. Say she and I are both at a school function and one of the kids' classmates - who's not a friend of theirs, but still recognizes me as their Mom - says to me in passing, "Hi, Mrs. Ex!"... that kid does not care that I'm actually Mrs. New-Husband and this other woman is the new Mrs. Ex. It would be inappropriate for me to stop that kid and explain all that. So I just smile and wave. Just like I accept Step-Mom sometimes referring to my kids as hers, she has to accept this. It all balances out.

Thanks for this! In most situations, we only correct where it's important.

I actually kept my birth name, and my husband's ex took her pre-marriage (not birth, long story) name back, but we BOTH get "Mrs. My Husband's Name." Our son will have my husband's last name, so I guess that will only continue, and I'll correct where it's important (school and medical forms) and let it go where it's not (Newbie's friends). (Most kids seem to call parents here either "Miss/Mr. Firstname" or "So-and-so's Mom/Dad" so it may or may not be an issue with friends anyway.)

[Rosehip]

Originally Posted by Ceinwen

As a first mother to children who will potentially have a stepmother one day (besides my gf ) I would have zero issue with the one statement:

"ProtoLawyer, Law'09 and Her Husband welcomed Newbie on July 21, 2010. He joins Big Sister, 7."

That child is the big sister; it doesn't necessarily lay claim to the parentage of said child... either way, I think a new baby is a fantastic thing and wouldn't be upset/slighted in the least to have my girls claimed as part of a larger family.

Ditto. Actually, a friend of mine sent out birth announcements for her first child that did not include the half-sib (my friend's stepchild) and my heart just sank for the stepchild when I saw it.

[feminist~mama]

My DD absolutely considers the new-babe-to-be her sibling. Maybe it's slightly different in that her bio-donor isn't involved and she's with us 100% of the time.

I'd skip the half sister part too and just go with "joins big sister, 7" and call it a day.