sensitive child

[transylvania_mom]

how do I encourage my 5 y/o to be more resilient? In whatever group he is, it seems that someone is picking on him. At preschool, a child one year younger than him used to take his hat. On the school bus a different child did the same thing (until I asked the school bus driver to let him sit next to another child, then the driver told me he is allowed to sit wherever he wants, so he could have just walk away from the other one. The driver was very nice, he made sure ds sat just behind him after our conversation). Now that he wears glasses a girl in his class keeps telling him to take them off. I asked him if she's mean to him, but he says no... yet he was on the verge of tears when he was saying this.

He is a very outgoing and social child, has no problems introducing himself on the playground or making friends.
I think some kids see he is sensitive about one thing ore another and like to push his buttons.
Or do you think he likes to get a reaction from me? I try not to let him know how much it affects me, but this morning when he told me about the glasses incident he was very casual and moved on to something else, while I kept bringing up the subject, I was worried for him. Then he started to seem more affected.

So how do you teach your children to be more resilient? Any advice or BTDT stories are really appreciated.

[Pavlovs]

My son showed signs of being timid during toddlerhood. He seemed afraid of kids saying things upsetting to him because he is sensitive and didn't know what to do in those situations. We enrolled him in Tae Kwon Do when he was about 4 and a half. In less than 6 months he had a wonderful confidence we can only attribute to TKD along with our guidance. In situations where he was uncomfortable, we'd remind him that if a kid bothered him that he knew how to defend himself, both with words and if necessary with defense (which he never needed). He's much happier and way more independent at parks and other free play areas. It's helped tremendously!

[briome]

My son is a little sensitive, but even more is a few kids I babysit sometimes. I don't know if they feel sad about it later like your does, that might be another componet to this.

The 5 yr old I know will just sit and 'take' other kids (sometimes smaller kids) hitting him with a stick or taking a toy or just making him uncomfortable getting into his personal space. I encourage him to say "Please get that stick out of my face" etc, saying something to stick up for himself. If that does not work I tell him to remove himself from the situation and go do something else, there is no reason he should have to sit there and 'take it' for no reason. I also encourage hm to tell me so I can help him if need be (and I always try to have him figure it out, I'm not fixing it -if you know what I mean)

So with your son we have to figure out what about the situations is disturbing him. Talking about it later, the implication that something was wrong with what he did or what she said, should he feel BAD about what she said and then you reacted he felt bad that he didn't do what he should? just Ideas, I have no idea what makes him tick, but I do remember being a supersensitive child like your son. He does seem like he has some anxiety, if you can afford a good therapist that might be nice for him, I don't think there is anything clinical wrong with him or anything, I'm just imagining myself at that age and how no one seemed to understand!

Good luck!

[transylvania_mom]

Pavlovs, I've also thought about martial arts, I should look for some classes in our neighbourhood.

Originally Posted by briome

Talking about it later, the implication that something was wrong with what he did or what she said, should he feel BAD about what she said and then you reacted he felt bad that he didn't do what he should?

I've never thought about it, but sometimes I tell him you should have... too often. I think I should just listen to what he says and ask him what bothers him afterwards.

Yesterday I got a message from his teacher saying that he hit a classmate because he was teasing him. It's the first time ever, he never hit in daycare, playgroups or parks! And ds tells me the classmate is his friend and he (ds) likes to play with him.

I guess the terrible twos were to mellow here and it's a 180 change right now...

[K1329]

Dd went through a period of not doing a good job sticking up for herself. She seems to have outgrown it, or matured, or something. It hasn't been an issue for awhile, anyway. She's almost 7.
During that time, I purchased a couple of books to read with her on bullying, etc., and also did some role playing with her. My idea was to give her the tools to handle social situations/teasing on her own. One article I remember is: http://www.loveandlogic.com/pages/teaseproof.html
We want our kids to know how to handle themselves socially, and to be resilient, but, for some it comes more naturally than for others. Try to teach him the skills to handle these situations on his own - and expect a few bumps along the way!