Situational stress?

[Ceinwen]

I don't know if this is depression, or stress related or what...

So my gf and I worked out all the issues (from a previous thread I posted, asking for advice) and the relationship is humming along.

In the last year, several couple friends of ours have moved away. Our closest couple friends just found out they were hired and are moving to a city approx. four hours away.

Pretty much, we're devastated (happy for them, but as lesbians - our circle is shrinking pretty fast in the friend dept) and are wondering wth we're going to do.

Now, I'm not suggesting we move four hours south to be with them, but we have been having round about discussions re: do we stay here (moderately sized, blue collar, mining industry town) because our families are here - or take a risk and move.

The problem (of course) is my ex. We share joint custody of the kids, but I have residential custody and he has visitation EOWeekend. I'm not sure what the process would be for me if I wanted to move away...

Aiyiyi. All I really know is that I'm desperately unhappy. We have very loving supportive families (well I do, not her) but zero friends or social networks, and it's very draining and saddening.

Advice?

[Super~Single~Mama]

Is there a town you could move to that is closer? One that would allow the current visitation schedule to continue, with maybe some minor tweaking? I ask b/c if you can keep the current visitation schedule your ex (although I don't know anything about him - I could be wrong) would be much more likely to agree to a move.

Also, you could think about how you would want to structure visitation for your ex if you were to move too far away - and then ask yourself how reasonable they sound, and if your ex would be willing to agree to any of them.

I don't know where you live, so I don't have any idea how hard it would be to get a courts permission to move.

[Ceinwen]

Would that be the hinging point in being allowed to move, visitation?

Because if I have to drive my kids EOW back here to visit, that would be fine with me. I imagine it would be excruciatingly painful (the drive time, etc.) but it might be worth it...

Of course I just casually mentioned it to my mother and she just about had a coronary arrest. 'YOU CAN'T LEAVE!'

Good lord.

[Super~Single~Mama]

It might not be the deciding factor - you would need to have other reasons too. Where would the kids go to school? Are the schools better? What are your employment opportunities?

Visitation is still super important - maybe less frequent but for longer periods of time?

If you think that your ex would agree to an arrangement, you should talk to him about how you can work things out so that he is ok with you and the kids moving away. A court will allow it if he agrees (although I would not move without the courts knowledge - get an agreement together between the 2 of you, then have it so ordered by the court).