single mom anxiety over how to "just be" with 3 y.o.

[autumnmu]

Hi, I am the single/div mom of one 3 y.o. boy. I have been experiencing a sort of anxiety about how to just "be" with my toddler once I pick him up from day care. We have a basic evening routine of dinner, an activity like reading or biking and then, a bath, a story or cuddle on sofa with movie, then bed. There is always a nagging sensation that I am not doing enough or being creative enough about how we spend the mere 3 hours we have together between daycare and bed time. Sometimes, I even let him stay up later (not good, I know) so I can see him/be with him. What do you do with your 3 y.o.s when you get home? Do you have this dilemma? Thank you, A

[lyra2007]

What you're doing IS "just being." And it's good.
We have learned the hard way that it ends up being selfish to keep the kids up late for our enjoyment/guilt abatement. They just get over tired and whiny the next day.
When you get home from work, you have a limited time to get done what needs to get done--dinner, bath, get ready for bed. This is even harder for you because you're on your own. Your son needs a routine, and it sounds like you have a good one. You can certainly try to incorporate more, I don't know, laughter and silliness into it, if that makes you feel better. But I (after many months of daycare) no longer feel like I have to fit in time for an art project or a trip to the playground. Kids are happy when you pay attention to them, they don't really care what you're doing besides that! Save the special events for the weekends and just be an attentive mom whenever you can. He will flourish.

[autumnmu]

Thank you, Lyra. My "I Should..." thoughts have been plentiful now that he is so active and curious! I will practice chilling out. Thanks, A

[swd12422]

Yes, chill out! ;-)
My son LOVES the playground and begs to "slide" whenever he sees a park. We go a lot, and he has fun. But the BEST moments we have are cuddling before bed/nap in the rocking chair. Even better are the moments we have cuddling before what is supposed to be nap but DS is too wound up to sleep.... He get silly and snuggly and he makes me giggle uncontrollably until I can't enforce the nap. It's worth it to me for him to skip it sometimes, since I know he's starting to outgrow naps and b/c he doesn't giggle like that any other time, just when it's the two of us in the dark.

[kcstar]

DS seems to love the bedtime snuggling best. Usually he doesn't want words. Sometimes I'll sing to him, sometimes he objects to it.

Occasionally I've settled in with a good book on the couch, while he's watching a video. We're not doing the same things exactly, but we're in physical contact. Touch is such a strong communicator.