inclusive communication about births

[PlayaMama]

i recently posted a thread regarding how c-sections fit into a natural birth framework and there was a very productive discussion regarding ways that the community could focus on being inclusive.

below are some highlights from this discussion that i'd like to explore further:

from _ktg_:
- an area to feel support for those mothers who have undergone c/s, to have an opportunity to be listened to, to be angry (if needed) and to have support from others who have BTDT

- Encourage local communities, free-standing birth centers, natural parenting groups to begin or sponsor c/s support groups to reach out to those women who need the support (?)

- Figure out how to mobilize education efforts with all the various audiences (HCP i.e. ob/gyns, midwives, CNMs, doulas, expectant mothers etc) with regards to the c-section rate in the us and what choices, options, practices occur in communities and the drivers behind those practices

from guildjenn:
- care paid to the rhetorical language used in discussing birth; not only are there real women and babies behind the stories (even the designer c-section ones) but I think it derails the NCB to focus heavily on c-sections and doesn't serve women well if they fear a c-section more than anything else. The c-section rate is significant as an indicator, but it is hardly the only one having everyone in twilight sleep with forceps wouldn't be any more respectful, so let's talk about interventions and not just one possible intervention

- a focus on what would actually help people make better decisions, rather than dictating the outcome: More respect and training for midwives, more research, more dialogue between midwives and OBs and L&D nursing staff

- a more balanced look at risks and advantages/disadvantages of certain
decisions in labour

- more discussion around "when labour goes off the rails" that does not insinuate that it is a lack of desire or planning on the mother's part

from savithny:
When the most important part of a BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENT becomes hashing out what went wrong, that's a sign that a lot of people are not paying attention to the right time, the right place, and the real feelings behind each statistic.

from redoakmama:
I don't want to derail, but can we pursue this? What language, what support, what approaches to NCB team ourselves with women who've had c-section births? How can it be less exclusionary? What terms hurt, and which ones support? What insinuations are made that we can look out for, and call out as unfair or hurtful? What can be done to remove that "layer of disenfranchisement for women who have already been through a lot."?

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so opinions? thoughts? additional ideas on ways to move forward?

[Mechella]

I just responded in that other topic, but I'll copy/paste the relevant bits here (crossing fingers this works):

So back to my hypothetical woman above - if we hear her story in conversation (maybe she is a friend of a friend and we are hearing it third-hand and she is not present), then what should a NCB advocate say? Does she just nod and smile, knowing that there is a chance that she actually did not need a c-section? What if there is a teenage girl there listening. If I do not say that having a 9 lb baby does not rule out vaginal birth, and that choosing a c-section in this scenario comes with risks, then I am harming this young girl. I am tacitly allowing this girl to absorb the idea that all babies over 8 lbs must be born surgically. As a member of the NCB community, I do not find this acceptable. I am seriously and genuinely asking, what would be acceptable in this situation? How could the NCB advocate deal with this?

I think you should casually ask her how the birth went and how she felt about it. If she wasn't happy about the c-section maybe you could plant the seed for vbac. But overall I think the best time for advocacy is before the intervention, not after. The postpartum time is such a vulnerable time, and I would hate to see a mother doubt her decision which could lead to regrets and possibly PPD while she is adjusting to surgery, new motherhood, and crazy hormones.

I also need a safe space to share my story where I know someone won't come barging in swinging their battle axe. It's not important to me that that space be "CS Mamas only" but just that the space be respected for what it is: an open, respectful forum for sharing stories. I'll take up my sword & my shield in another time and another place and I'll join the battle to defend & protect natural birth, the dignity of women, and all of that.

But my story needs a whole different space. It's complex and layered and full of ambiguities and paradoxes and contradictions. I need a lot of space so that it can emerge in its own way. I find that being able to tell my story in my own words is so incredibly healing. And hearing others' stories, with all their complexities and ambiguities, and getting other perspectives is also so healing.

I'm not telling my story because I need resolution or because I want an air-tight interpretation of the events. I'm trying to make meaning out of what happened to me. I need permission for my story to evolve, to contract & expand, to simmer and boil over and cook through.

I already birthed my baby...I'm birthing my story now, so don't rush me and don't tell me how it's supposed to turn out. Just listen, join me, share your story too. Maybe we'll find that we can relate to one another, and then we won't feel so alone. Maybe our differing perspectives will help both of us move out of darkness and into the light.

Thank you for putting that so eloquently. I think having a separate area where c-section moms can talk about their feelings and not be judged is desperately needed. I was a very well-informed mom-to-be when I was pregnant with my daughter. I did hypnobirthing, had a doula, interviewed hospitals.. everything short of hiring a midwife. Things should have gone well, but they didn't, and I ended up with a c-section. It's been hard for me to find where I belong in the birthing world. It would be wonderful to have a place where more naturally-minded mothers could talk without judgment, whether their experience was good, bad, traumatic, etc, and how they feel about upcoming births. Because some will need to have c-sections for all births no matter how they feel about it, and should be able to express their feelings about that.

I'm not sure how the whole MDC community can help c-section moms feel more involved, but maybe having a place where you can relate to other people will be enough. Just reading the comments in this topic has been healing for me.

[_ktg_]

Thanks Playa for starting up this thread! I'm playing catch up on the other one, but I am glad the ball is rolling on getting this one open!

Kate

[zoebird]

when i first meet a woman within the birthing community, or even when i first hear a birth story of a family member or friend, i simply listen to the story. i might ask her how she feels about it if that hasn't already been expressed. the basic bottom line is that i want to hear her speak her truth (of that moment).

if a woman tells me that she is happy with her birth, then i support her in that. I am happy for her. if she is not happy with her birth, we can talk about why and talk about what it all means.

in truth, i mostly listen.

but then there is another angle on this. my primary area of striving to provide information is to TTCing and early-pregnant women who still haven't made any decisions. if they are looking for information, i provide them with resource lists or loan them my books. as they are moving forward with their studies and forming plans, or questioning their options, i ask them questions and we puzzle out together the information.

what most people discover is that i will always assert that they are capable of making good decisions for themselves, and that it is most important to choose what they think is best and what will make them happy.