Lasting trauma / damage from hating the car? Help!

[bclare]

I posted about my baby hating the car and car seat. We have now tried about everything we can think of, including getting a convertible car seat, white noise, a natural pacifier, etc. I think in the end he wants to be held like he is most of the time and doesn't understand why I won't hold him. He screams and screams until he is red and holds his breath and is so very upset-- I have never seen him like this except in the car-- otherwise he is very happy all the time and rarely cries. He is two weeks old yesterday.

I guess I am coming to the conclusion that he is going to have to "deal" and "cry it out" in the car seat. Neither of these things are the way I parent so I am terrified that all of this crying is going to create lasting psychological trauma. I have read the research around the damage crying it out can cause. Is this any different? Do you think that screaming every time we are in the car can damage him forever?

Thanks, Mamas, for your help.

[tzs]

i'm interested in the opinions.
i always wondered how they could say CIO would teach babies to self soothe or whatever it is they say, but my dd fairly regularly cried in the car and it's not like she ever "taught" herself to stop.
(well, she did stop, but not because of the crying, more like she got old enough to entertain herself.)

[Bokonon]

It's not CIO because you are there, talking to him and soothing him with your voice. You're not trying to "teach" him anything by crying.

A lot of babies go through this. Mine would start wailing whenever the car stopped. But she outgrew it and so will your baby. In the meantime, limit trips to only what's necessary, have someone in the backseat with him if possible, and know that it is only temporary!

[Kindermama]

Oh, he's still so little. Things will get better and no you won't cause long-lasting trauma. How about rubbing a little Rescue Remedy behind his ears (just 2 drops on your fingertip and rub for a second behind each ear)! That might help! He's just getting used to the new world! Was his birth traumatic?

[Jaesun's Dad]

I don't think we were taking our little guy anywhere in the car at two weeks aside from the first trip home and the two week healthy baby visit.

Ours isn't very happy when we put him in the car but once we get moving he usually quiets down. DP always rides in the back seat with him. I've never gone anywhere so far without DP riding there with him.

[Kindermama]

Originally Posted by Jaesun's Dad

I've never gone anywhere so far without DP riding there with him.

I should say that I did the same thing in the early weeks. It's very over-stimulating to a newborn to be in a noisy car in a carseat all strapped up in an upright position. I remember wishing I could put my baby in the front passenger seat so he/she could at least see me!

[bclare]

Thanks, everyone, it really helps to hear that he will be okay! While we stayed in teh birthing bed at home for the first 7 days, we started venturing out each day to the arboretum, the store, things like that after the first week. It doesn't seem to matter if I am in the back with him or not, but I like the idea of using my voice to always let him know I am there.

I am really freaking out about it because I will need to drive about 7 hours with him in a month. I am hoping things will change in a month, because there isn't any way around the drive. At least once I get there I won't be in a car for 10 days! But I am terrified of what the drive will be like....but again hoping all will change.

He birth was beautiful but long and hard. Traumatic? Not sure- he was at home but there was some head trauma- he seemed fine after a bit when he came out (apgar of 9 after a minute, too).

Thanks, Mamas, it's so nice to know that there are people out there.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by Kindermama

I should say that I did the same thing in the early weeks. It's very over-stimulating to a newborn to be in a noisy car in a carseat all strapped up in an upright position. I remember wishing I could put my baby in the front passenger seat so he/she could at least see me!

We did this for months. I can count on one hand the times that I've been in the car for more than a 10 minute drive with my baby alone.

[Kmama2]

Originally Posted by bclare

I posted about my baby hating the car and car seat. We have now tried about everything we can think of, including getting a convertible car seat, white noise, a natural pacifier, etc. I think in the end he wants to be held like he is most of the time and doesn't understand why I won't hold him. He screams and screams until he is red and holds his breath and is so very upset-- I have never seen him like this except in the car-- otherwise he is very happy all the time and rarely cries. He is two weeks old yesterday.

I guess I am coming to the conclusion that he is going to have to "deal" and "cry it out" in the car seat. Neither of these things are the way I parent so I am terrified that all of this crying is going to create lasting psychological trauma. I have read the research around the damage crying it out can cause. Is this any different? Do you think that screaming every time we are in the car can damage him forever?

Thanks, Mamas, for your help.

He will out grow it. Not the answer you want to hear I know. My son was/ is the same way. He is 6 months now and finally he doesn't cry every single car ride. He only crys now for longer trips. Its hard. I hated it... when we are on a long car ride he still does it and it breaks my heart but there is nothing i can do. He is been in a convertable seat since about 2 weeks old. I tried sitting next to him. Nothing. I do remember once he could hold toys and chew on them that helped A TON!! He will get there. ITS NOT THE SAME AS CRY IT OUT. YOu aren't willingly making him scream.

[2boyzmama]

My third was a car hater. Now at 6 months he does fine. It was like a switch flipped at 3 months and he started tolerating the car. Before that, every trip meant screaming baby. And unfortunately, as third baby, I often didn't have a choice, I had to drive places for my other kids.

So, I just made sure to feed him and change him before we left, and then I'd drive as quickly as I safely could to where we were going. I didn't have the choice of sitting in the backseat with him, I didn't have the choice of stopping and feeding/consoling him, I didn't have the choice of staying home. I just sucked it up and drove.

It will get better. He won't hate the carseat forever!

Hang some soft toys from the handle of his seat so he has something to look at. Eventually he'll be able to play with toys.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

I work full time, and my little guy HAD to be in a car seat to and from daycare. Thank goodness it was only a 5 minutes ride. It was 5 minutes of hell for all involoved, let me tell ya. He grew out of it everntually though.

Im not sure how old your LO is, but I can vouch for no lasting damage. Both my guys sit very happily in their seats now.

[Xerxella]

I'm surprised no one recommended this:

Open the windows. All of them if need be or just the baby's. Seriously, it works everytime. I don't know why. To this day, if I have a whiney toddler of 11 month old in the car. I open the windows. If I close them, the unhappiness starts again.

[stealthmode]

My DD doesn't like the car, although it's gotten a lot better. Her birth was not in the least bit "traumatic" (easy natural water birth in a room with low lights and absolutely zero intervention). I'm inclined to think it's the carSEAT she doesn't like more than anything. That and not being able to see Mama.

For awhile I would have to nurse her, change her, and then spend 1/2 hour or more rocking her to a deep sleep before I could even think about putting her in the carseat. We didn't go out as much as we wanted to because it just took so long!

Sometimes if she starts up and we have a long drive ahead of us, I will pull over, take her out, try to nurse her or at least get her calmed down. I figure there's nowhere I really have to be on time that is more important than getting her calm. We once sat in a parking lot for over an hour trying to get her calmed down!

It does get better.

(And FWIW, my husband was also a baby who HATED the car and my ILs would just strap him in and let him scream regardless. 25 years later he's a MAJOR car guy. )

[natashaccat]

some ideas...is it the carseat model? It's probably not, but if you can borrow another model from a friend it might be worth a try.

My dd2's carseat unhappiness got much better after we switched her to a convertible. I tried the same infant seat w/LO#3 hoping to be frugal and he was also unhappy in it. Thankfully, I thought to try a different model much sooner the second time.

Can you safely put a ricebag type heating pad next to your baby or some of your clothing?

Whatever you do, I think that you should have someone with you for your 7 hr ride if at all possible? If not the 7 hrs is likely to extend int 14...

[Novus]

I'm sorry--I remember how hard it was to drive and listen to a screaming baby. DS screamed every time we put him in the carseat for about 2.5 months. We tried everything too, and in the end, just had to limit ourselves to short trips (5-10 minutes). We also found that if DH sat back there, it helped, but if I was back there, it actually made it worse. I think it's entirely possible that in a month, he might like the car and might actually sleep a lot during your drive (hopefully!)