Huh ? I'm confused how did my ex ever get thiis idea

[MommytoB]

please move over to single parents because i don't know why i put it in stay at home parents

He sent a note saying this is the last of my stuff most of it was thrown or given away & that he also tossed all of his stuff out so he moved to start over which is all the way in San Luis Obispo , CA a town near there .

He said per your request you will never have to hear from me again .

I'm like huh I never asked him to stop talking to us .

I was totally trying to keep him in contact was doing all the calling, begging him to talk to his son, begging him to call, begging him to come to see his son but nuthin.

Anyhow, he gets the idea how I didn't want to hear from him again by how ?

When I was the one who was continously contacting his apartment when child support wasn't sent on time or a bit late because i was worried & would ask his landlord to have him please call me so I would know he would be ok.

Then I would call & leave msgs for his brother to contact me so now I wonder if we won't get any more child support now ?

Will have to find out next week .

[craft_media_hero]

Hmmm.

My advice: let this guy go; he obviously wants out.

Please don't beg him to be involved in any way with you or your child. Neither of you deserve to have to chase a relationship with him. IMO it will be healthier for your dc to not see you pursuing this man, even though you are separated, from what you describe you are still pursuing him.

About the child support---don't call his landlord, call the family support registry. Let them decide how much he owes based on his salary, and then it will be attached to his wages so that any job he has where taxes are taken out, they have to take out the child support as well. This guarantees that your child receives the support and that you are not chasing around after the $.

I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but it really sounds like this guy is looking to blow out of the whole scene, and if that is the case, then you should let him. You and your little one deserve better than to have to make someone be involved with you. Let the c/s be dealt with by a third party and say "hasta la vista, baby!" and wait for the checks to come in the mail or for him to pull his head *out* and realize that HE is the one who should be pursuing a relationship with his child and treating you responsibly as a co-parent.

JMO, but it sounds like you are spending a lot of energy on someone that you are no longer intimately involved with. I really hope that you are able to resolve this in a way that does not leave the burden of the child support or his relationship with the kid on YOU.

[stik]

I think the pp has a decent point about not investing too much energy in someone with whom you are no longer in an intimate relationship.

But, since he is the father of your child, and your dc is owed support and may one day want to have a relationship, I also think it's not super-simple. And I sort of wonder if maybe he's gotten some "legal advice" (most likely from a non-lawyer) suggesting that if it looks like *you* cut off contact he might be off the hook for some of his parental obligations.

I wouldn't invest a ton of energy in this guy, but do you think it might be a good idea to send a letter stating that you have no intention of cutting off contact, as you want him to have a healthy relationship with his child? Maybe keep a copy and document that you sent it by certifying it or something? Just so you have proof that you have not tried to alienate him from your child.

I think the pp has a great point about letting the child support be handled by a third party.

[MommytoB]

That's great and I been away from him since for 5 1/2 yrs and I only had contacted him when brendan was age 1, 2 and 3 then I stopped phoning him because that's what I was doing trying to get him to spend time with brendan or at least talk to him . I didn't even think I was ever going to get my stuff from his place even when brendan & I went down there in california when brendan was invited there to see his dad . He wouldn't even let me grab some of my stuff that was in his apartment which I could have took back with me on the plane .

Anyhow so then after that I was doing all the calling & he wasn't really paying attention to the convo to distracted by his computer so I stopped calling after the california visit and hadn't called him or contacted him.

Then I emailed him because he was not sending the child support this one month without notice so I had asked what happened etc where is the child support so he sent it within 2 wks of the email.

The only times I contacted after brendan was 3 was just last year and at the beginning of this year only once because he wasn't sending the child support.

So then you may be right he may have found a legal counsel to say I told him to not to speak to me to get him out of parental obiligations & the third party is a good idea .

I gave up around the age of brendan being 3 to have him ever be a *real existing father to brendan* but if my ex didn't send the money I would be on his case about it if I ever got a hold of him.

Which was only 4 and 5 when he tried to stop sending the money hence it shall be a good idea to have child support through the CSE then I won't have to worry when I don't get it or be at a suprise when he don't send it .

Then maybe it will help him assume he's not sending child support hence when he's not writing checks anymore so then he will be like thinking he got away but his taxes will be getting the child support to me .

[Avani]

It's all a game. I guarantee he knows you never said no contact. It does help him in creating a story as to why he isn't in his own child's life. Move on, as hard as it is. You can't force someone to be in their child's life. I'm so sorry.

[MissLotus]

I don't really understand the whole situation, but you can't force a personal relationship, as much as it's horrible that a "father" could abandon their child.

But you can legally go after child support; sometimes it is garnished from their wages. You don't need to speak to him at all to file for child support.

[Wolfcat]

Definitely, move on...

If he wants gone, let him go. Then sign up for whatever assistance you qualify for and the state will pursue child support for you.