Processing ....

[Beating Earth]

My DS was born on March 18th after 2 hours of labour. Kinda quick, I know. There is one small part that I am still trying to process. It's not a huge deal to anyone but myself and sometimes I even think there is no reason to bother thinking about it.
My midwife broke my water after I had been leaking for 24 hours. (That doesn't bother me) I went straight into transition and the car ride from my friends house to her sons home was a really fun ride. (I couldn't birth in my own home because of distance to the hospital)
Anyway, I got into the tub and was facing over the side. I couldn't have turned around if I had wanted to, there was no time.
The part I am stuck on is the fact that I didn't get to see him born. I was able to watch my daughters birth and was really looking forward to seeing my son born as well.
Sometimes I want to cry for missing it and other times I tell myself I'm being silly. My DH understands how I feel but he tries to make it better by telling about things he has missed in life. I am not upset about that, he's trying to help and I understand.
Am I being silly for being upset that I missed seeing my son born???
(Sorry if this post is a bit rambly)

[cileag]

You're not being silly. We all have visions of how we want our births to go--I wanted to birth OUT of the tub, and I birthed IN the tub and I know so many people crave waterbirths. I think it's totally fine to mourn a little bit about the way your birth ended up. I really found though that as time went on the sting in the memory faded--especially since it isn't a traumatic memory or really intense/ethical type of issue.

I mean, I don't think that birth is the end all/be all defining moment of our life--but it is something that most of us fixate on for 40ish weeks and it's profoundly emotional, so the "minor details" are amplified and DO matter. Grieve a little and give it time.

[RedOakMomma]

You're not being silly. If you wanted it, and it didn't happen, then there's something to process and mourn there.

...I think it might help to concentrate on this, though...even if you didn't see him being born, all of your other senses were there. You felt him. You heard him. You probably, on some level, smelled him. Your sensory memory has more details of his birth than just about anyone else in that room.

When I give birth, I tend to push with my eyes closed. I haven't seen any of my children born...it's just a weird thing when I get in the zone. What I really like remembering are the touch sensations, the birth sensations...what it felt like when our sons left my body, what their bodies felt like when I first touched them. THEN I opened my eyes, and saw them...and that moment is special, too.

[Fly Girl]

You're not being silly. You wanted to see your son being born and you didn't. When we have an idea of how we want our births to go and they don't quite meet those expectations then I think we mourn for that part that didn't happen the way we wanted.
I feel exactly the same way. My labor was perfect, pushing was going well and then my DD had shoulder dystocia. After trying several different positions, I ended up on my hands and knees when my midwife reaching in so help release DD's shoulder. She came out crying and perfect but her cord was so short that they couldn't pass her to me or even lower her a little so I could see her. My DH held her (on my butt) until her cord stopped pulsing, then he cut the cord, and sat with her on the couch while she was being checked out. I was still on my hands and knees wishing I could just see my new DD. I wanted to hold her immediately and have her on my chest. It didn't happen. It's been a year and a half and I still think about it and wish it had been different.
Congratulations on the birth of your DS!

[Bena]

Originally Posted by cileag

You're not being silly. We all have visions of how we want our births to go--I wanted to birth OUT of the tub, and I birthed IN the tub and I know so many people crave waterbirths. I think it's totally fine to mourn a little bit about the way your birth ended up. I really found though that as time went on the sting in the memory faded--especially since it isn't a traumatic memory or really intense/ethical type of issue.

I mean, I don't think that birth is the end all/be all defining moment of our life--but it is something that most of us fixate on for 40ish weeks and it's profoundly emotional, so the "minor details" are amplified and DO matter. Grieve a little and give it time.

This is exactly how I felt in the days and weeks following my DD's birth; I had to mourn my imagined birth. Only then was I able to accept her actual birth story as what is was.

I haven't shared this with anyone, because really, I had a wonderful and relatively easy birth and so I didn't feel "entitled" to have any sort of issues with it. But it just wasn't how I had planned it.

Weaving in your child's birth in the story and fabric of your life takes time, no matter what.

[Beating Earth]

Thank you mamas! The validation makes me feel better.

[ihugtrees]

I am sad that my husband or I didn't catch my daughter. The midwife that was attending me was really hands on, and kind of took over. Instructed my pushing, caught the baby, had to untangle her, etc. Also, less than 2 minutes (we have it on camera) after she was born, they cut the cord and had me get out of the tub, took the baby, had me push the placenta out, and were checking me for tears. I don't know if I was just bleeding a lot or what, but all I wanted was my baby. She spent the first 15-20 minutes of her life in my mom's arms, before my husband even got to hold her, and this makes me really sad. None of that was what I had in my birth plan, and in fact was in conflict with what was in my birth plan, and in conflict with what I told my midwives I wanted, and what I told my doula I wanted. Maybe it was necessary, but I don't know because nobody told me what was going on, and I was in a daze.

Next time I want a really hands off labor and delivery, and I do want to catch the baby myself.

There were also way too many people in the room, and while I was pushing and immediately after her birth, everyone was chattering. My midwife's baby was crying in the other room.

Ultimately, I had a great experience. I feel like I *shouldn't* complain. But there is always this niggling thought in the back of my head that it didn't go quite the way I pictured/planned.