Pulling my son from preschool

[Ornery]

My 4 yo ds is attending an afternoon preschool. He enjoys it but often says the kids say inappropriate unkind things to one another and hit each other. I witness this when I am volunteering there. Some of the boys are rough and can say mean things. However, my ds is very resilient and isn't really bothered by the boys. We have had many talks with the teachers and also with my son, instructing him to tell an adult when one of the kids is being mean.

Today as soon as he started to get off the school bus I noticed the bridge of his nose was swollen and purply black as was the tip. I asked the parent helper what had happened and she said nothing as did the bus driver. I asked my ds and he said nothing. We came inside and I called the school. His other two teachers were still there and they said they hadn't seen anything. My ds started saying one of the kids punched him in the face, but kept naming different names. His nose is swollen, the tip is purplish black as is the bridge and the sides of his nose. It looks like he will have two black eyes. I'm taking him to the doctor tomorrow to record his injuries.

I am pulling him from preschool. I can't imagine how he could be injured like this with nobody noticing. He says he cried a little bit (and my ds NEVER cries when he is hurt) but that he was afraid to tell the teacher because "they" would be even meaner to him. He won't tell me who "they" are. Even if he just bonked heads with someone, the fact that he is afraid to tell anyone speaks volumes about the atmosphere at the school.

My poor little boy.

[p1gg1e]

Poor kid! I hope you hear back from the school.

[MerriMom]

That is awful. Poor dear. I'm glad you're getting him checked out. Hugs to you.

[MeepyCat]

I was all set to tell you to calm down, and then you got to the bruises. You really have to be hit pretty hard to have bruising like that. I have a kid who can do that to himself walking into walls, or tripping and falling, but that's not what your son says happened.

I expect a reasonable preschool to be able to tell me when injuries occur and how. I expect school to be an environment in which children are not afraid to approach adults for help.

I'd pull my kid too. I'm sorry you're going through this - poor kiddo. I hope his nose feels better soon.

[f&p'smama]

Oh you're poor boy! That is just terrible. I'd be so very upset. I hope "they" do not attend any school your son may attend in the future.

[peaceful_mama]

OMG!! Absolutely my kid would be out of there given that situation! I would also record the injuries and report them to whoever licensed that preschool. Yes. I would.

I've been on both ends--and as a former school staff person, I can confidently say there is something SERIOUSLY wrong at that school if NOBODY can tell you how your child got the kind of injury you describe at school! Even if it wasn't the result of another kid....which obviously from what he is saying it *is*. But even if it wasn't, he fell or whatever, SOMEONE should be able to tell you what happened! SOMEONE should have noticed him crying and helped him.

Either they honestly didn't notice it at all, or they are doing a "CYA" Either way I'd do whatever I need to in order to get the school investigated. There is NO excuse for NOBODY knowing how that happened.

You also have the fact that your son was afraid to tell because of somebody. THAT is another huge thing that should NOT be going on especially in a preschool.

Hope he feels better soon!

[mattemma04]

Glad you are pulling.No kid should have to go through that daily,and the adults turn a blind eye.I love(eye roll) how those in charge never *see* anything. I got that respose a lot. I can't wait to move on too.

Speedy healing for your little one.Put out some online reviews for the preschool,and let other parents know what they can expect for their money.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

for you and your little boy mama. Im speechless, and thats damn near impossible to do. Good for you for standing up for your boy and getting his injuries documented. You are one strong mama.

[Ornery]

Yeah, the main reason I am pulling is that he is scared. My ds does not need to start off his schooling experience with fear.

Kids play rough, get hurt, etc. That isn't such a big deal to me. Even if my boy did get punched in the face (which I still don't know if that is what happened), I would understand that if someone knew what was going on. The fact that not one of his teachers knows what happened is disturbing to me. It is a pretty serious injury to have happen without anyone noticing.

It looks to me like he was smacked in the face with something, there are actually a few lines on his nose that look like they might be from a toy. I wish he would tell us what actually happened.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Originally Posted by Eclipse95

It looks to me like he was smacked in the face with something, there are actually a few lines on his nose that look like they might be from a toy. I wish he would tell us what actually happened.

Perhaps he will tell the doctor?

The part that is RELLY bothering me is his comment that "they" would be even meaner to him if he told the teacher. My initial reaction to that was the teachers would be even meaner then the students.

[ssh]

That kind of lack of supervision is not the norm in all preschools. Nor is tolerated bullying. You may be able to find a preschool that is much better. The co-op preschool we go to has 3 to 4 adults with each class. The 3's classes can only have 16 kids and the 4's class can have up to 20. I don't think much of anything happens that an adult doesn't see. Also my DDs teacher, in a 3's class, teaches them to say 'Stop!' loudly if someone is doing something to them instead of pushing or hitting and deals hands on with any and all conflicts that do arise. We did have some hitting, biting, and rough play during the first quarter, but all of the kids seem to have learned how to "keep our friends safe". It's a co-op preschool so parents volunteer twice a quarter but we're also welcome in the class anytime we want to be there.

Maybe if you tell your DS that he isn't going back and you'll find a safer preschool for him, he will tell you what happened.

[Ornery]

My doctor said my ds is okay. We will go back in about 5 days (once the swelling goes down) to see if it really is broken and possibly to do xrays.

There are 16 students, ages 4, 5 and 6, and three full time paid adults at the preschool. I volunteer there once a week for a day so I am pretty involved and there is usually at least one parent who volunteers a day. For some reason, this year they have 13 boys in the class and 3 girls. The boy/girl ratio has completely changed the makeup of the preschool. My dd attended last year and loved it. She thrived.

The main teacher is awesome as is the assistant teacher. I don't think the parent teacher is very good and I think it was on her watch (in the busline and on the bus) that he got injured. She texts alot on the bus and at recess and it drives me crazy.

Also a few of the older boys are just downright mean. I hate to say that about a child but they are the ones that look around and wait until no one is watching and then hurt or steal from or call the littler ones names. The teachers are pretty on top of it but it is constant with a few from what I've seen. Unfortunately, the main instigator seems to be the parent teacher's boy. We've struggled all year to have my ds tell the adults when something is going on or someone is mean but he is the type of kid who will just tell the other kid to stop and then he will walk away. It never bothers him because he just shrugs it off and he finds someone else to play with.

I'm trying to get a meeting with the teachers, the parent teacher, and the principal to discuss this further. My ds keeps changing his story so I don't think we'll ever really know what happened but something needs to be done about the "mean" stuff.

[sapphire_chan]

I would've thought that knowing he wouldn't go back to the school would help your ds have confidence in telling you about it.

Since he's still reluctant, any chance he's worried about not getting to see a particular friend?

[peaceful_mama]

OK, when I worked preschool, *any* preschool, you were required to keep your phone OFF while you were in charge of children. Your voicemail, texts, whatever were for your *break.*
I can't believe nobody has done anything about this person texting rather than properly supervising children during the time that she is being paid to properly supervise children.

(you called her a parent-teacher--*IS* she paid? even so I know next year when I parent volunteer at DS's school I am *sure* the expectation will be that cell phones are off while you are with the kids.)

[CellarDoor]

How horrifying! What is the child to adult ratio at this school? Children at this age should never be unsupervised and violence and bullying need to be addressed immediately.

I second the suggestion to look into a co-op preschool or at least a school that takes safety seriously.

[mtiger]

I have to admit that I am somewhat surprised that you waited a day to take him to a doctor. If you were there when he got off the bus, it would seem that it was early enough to still get to hid regular ped. Even if not - that's what an ER is for. One of those two would have been my first stop.

[Ornery]

I called our ped as soon as he got off the bus. They had no openings that afternoon.

Mtiger, why would you have gone to the ER? I called my good friend who is an ER nurse and we discussed what the ER would do for a broken nose (ice packs, cold compresses). I could do that at home without a 6 hour wait - which is what our ER is running right now.

[Tigerchild]

I wouldn't have gone to the ER unless the doctor thought that it was a must when I called the office. I don't have the cash in hand to pay $300 for an ER visit plus $30 ice packs and $50 band-aids, and wait in a room with contagious folks for 6+ hours. So OP I think you did the wise thing, by calling the pediatrician's office first, and then waiting.

I would consider filing a formal complaint with the people who run the preschool. Might be a good idea to inform them about the texting as well. I would imagine you'll have opportunity to state your reasons when you pull him--but honestly, I would write a formal signed letter as well. I think a good director would want to know--and sad as it is, it is possible that s/he hasn't received any complaints about this teacher, because people are scared or feel uncomfortable complaining about a child who's a teacher's kid or they don't want to get in a teacher's bad graces.

[mtiger]

Originally Posted by Eclipse95

Mtiger, why would you have gone to the ER? I called my good friend who is an ER nurse and we discussed what the ER would do for a broken nose (ice packs, cold compresses). I could do that at home without a 6 hour wait - which is what our ER is running right now.

Well, for starters, I would assume the kid was in pain - and through the ER I could get a pain med that would be more effective than Kiddy Tylenol.

I would have a good indication of the severity of the injury - which you can bet will come up when the situation advances up the ranks of the preschool. Waiting a day = (to many people) not really a serious injury. I would also have a good idea whether I'd need to be concerned about a concussion (since you really don't know what happened). And, an XRay to make sure that no bone was splintered, potentially causing a more serious problem.

Where I am, I've never spent 6 hours waiting to be seen at an ER. Not even on New Year's Eve. And they take my insurance card and the copay - that's all I have to pay then and there.

At the end of the day - head injuries are not something I would play with.

[Ornery]

He had little pain, his pupils were the same size and reactive, he was not nauseous, he was not sleepy, and he had no headache. Trust me, if I thought it was warranted, I would have gone to the ER. I am very on the ball when it comes to signs of concussion as my oldest DS has had one from football. Everybody's level of comfort is different though.

We have insurance and our co-pay is smaller than an office visit. A 6 hour wait is typically the shortest wait length here. It is ridiculous. It stinks to have to weigh that against the severity of the injury but it is reality for us. And it isn't worth it to me to go just to convince somebody of the degree of injury.

A formal letter is a great idea. Of course it will be polite!

Now do I cc the rest of the parents at the school or is that not appropriate?